


Guns and Roses: Part III

by RanebowStitches



Series: Guns and Roses [3]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Pet Play, most of the abuse happens within flashbacks and videos not actually during the story, tags are subject to change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2020-01-07 10:16:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 70,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18408584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RanebowStitches/pseuds/RanebowStitches
Summary: As Negan continues to care for his new charges, Carl faces his past and works to move past it with the help of his new lover — and a pair of cat ears. But it's not all fun and games as corruption within Negan's building begins to boil up to his penthouse. Can Negan keep his cool as he tries to figure out what the hell is going on?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Are you guys ready for a rollercoaster? Get ready for Part 3 in which some sh!t starts HAPPENING!
> 
> As always, watch the tags and I'll put more warning concerning the specifics of the chapter here in the beginning notes~
> 
> Have fun! Enjoy! Let us know what you think!
> 
> This fic is a roleplay written by me (Ranebowstitches) and Matthew-the-neko-boy (on tumblr).

“I need to speak with your boss.” 

Gina watched the boy’s hands move as he spoke, realizing he was deaf. She immediately felt bad that she couldn’t sign back and hoped he could hear a little or read lips. “I’m sorry,” she spoke clearly, but at a normal tempo. “He’s out right now. I’m not sure when he’ll be back. Can I take a message?” She smiled at him.

“No, I need to speak to him now,” he said, no longer signing as he saw it was useless. “You see he’s been trying to find me for a very very long time.” He laughed. The boy looked to be around his mid-twenties, maybe younger. He was small like Carl but well grown and looked much more like a grown man than Carl did.

Gina cocked her head at the boy, her brows furrowed in confusion and curiosity. “Well, you can wait for him there.” She pointed towards the couch that sat in the waiting room. “But, as I said, I don’t-,” she cut herself off as her phone rang with Negan’s tone. She checked the message quickly. “Oh! He’ll be back in about fifteen minutes, sir,” she informed the newcomer, smiling, hoping that worked for him.

The boy nodded and waited patiently. Now that they had a minute, Gina noticed his clothing looked odd too. It was mostly all black and grey with chains, nails, and metal bolts as decorative pieces. Under his hair was a small band that was metal and looked like woven branches. It was almost like a crown. He stood there waiting before saying, “Will he be alone? I think he’d like some privacy.”

“Um, no, he’ll be coming in with a few others,” Gina informed him. “Would you like me to set you up in a private meeting room to wait for him? I will send him there straight away as soon as he comes in. I promise.” She noted his outfit, but she’d seen her fair share of strange things working for Negan. She wasn’t about to judge someone based on their fashion choices.

He nodded a bit. “Yes.” He kept an eye on the entrance before adding a quick, “Please.” He licked his lips looking back at her, ready to follow her.

Gina tapped something into her computer before pressing the button to activate the turnstile and waved the man to her. “Alright, follow me.” She led him to the elevator where she took him to the floor where Negan had met with Maggie and Ezekiel. She took him to a different room, a slightly smaller one that was outfitted with two couches and coffee table in the middle. She waved him in. “Here you are. Oh, can I get your name, sir?”

The man shook his head. “No, no name. Isn’t necessary. He doesn’t know me anyway. I want it to be a big surprise.” He chuckled before going over to the couch, sitting down, pulling a lollipop out of his pocket. He unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth. He was no longer looking at her, so if she said something he wouldn’t be responding.

Gina hummed, looking at the man for a minute before leaving. Hadn’t the man said Negan had been looking for him though? She made her way back to the elevator, tapping her foot as it went back down. She had a strange feeling about this.

She arrived back at her desk about five minutes before Negan pulled up. She watched the group get out of the SUV and walk in, shopping bags in hand. Negan nodded to her as she stood. “Uh, sir!” she called out before they reached the turnstiles. “You have a… visitor. He’s in the small meeting room. He says you’ve been looking for him, but he wouldn’t give me a name.” She pressed the button to activate the turnstiles and let them through.

Negan frowned. That sounded odd. “Well, can he wait a minute for me to drop this stuff off?” Negan gestured to the bags in his hands as he made way through the turnstiles.

“Sir, I think you should see what he wants as soon as possible. He said it was urgent.”

Negan sighed. “Fine, fine.” He led the way to the elevator, setting the bags down and holding the door open for everyone to get on.

“Sir, I would be… careful!” Gina called out to him as the doors closed.

_ Hmm. _ Negan didn’t like the sound of that. He pressed the button for the meeting room floor before turning to Carl. “Carl, let me have your gun. I promise I’ll give it back later.” He held out his hand to the boy. “I’ll just be a minute to see what this guy wants, and then I’ll be back and we can watch a movie, ok?”

Carl nodded a little. “Be safe.” He reached into his pants and pulled out his gun, handing it to Negan with a smirk. He leaned close to Negan and whispered, “It touched my dick.” He snorted, trying not to giggle as much as he did. “Also I got more shit than that, so you know what happens it if I don’t get it back.” He huffed a little as the elevator door opened. “I’m watching TV without you!” Carl made sure to tell him before Negan stepped off.

_ Christ. _ Negan rolled his eyes at everything Carl had just told him. Except for the ‘be safe’. He liked that part.  _ Whatever, kid _ , he thought, a small smile on his face as he checked the bullets in the gun. Fully loaded. Alright. He tucked it into his pants, covered the handle with his jacket and made his way to the meeting room. He knocked on the door lightly before opening it and entering, closing it behind him.

From behind the man looked like a teenager. His body language showed his confidence. He was humming a tune to himself, feeling the vibrations in his chest as he did, sucking on the lollipop, unaware Negan had entered.

Negan called out a hello, but when the other didn’t turn around, he frowned. Was he ignoring him? Negan sauntered across the room, hands behind his back until he was in the man’s eyesight. “I hear you were looking for me?” He cocked his head at the man.

The man looked up and smiled at Negan. “Hello, Mr. Negan. Care to take a seat?” he asked signing at first to figure out if Negan knew sign or not. He reached down, bringing his backpack up to sit on the couch with him.

Negan hummed, eyeing the backpack the man had and taking in everything about him. This was definitely odd. But Negan nodded and sat down on the couch across from the man, a little perturbed at the fact that he was telling him to sit in his own establishment. “What can I do for you?” Negan asked, his hands moving with his words. He hadn’t used ASL in a long time so he was a bit rusty but understandable.

The man grinned when he saw Negan sign back to him. He hated speaking since it was hard. He noted that Negan was rusty so he went slow. “Nine weeks ago someone stole thirteen thousand from your East ACT bank account. That was me.”

Negan stared at the man in disbelief. What the fuck? They’d been trying to track down the bastard that stole that money since it disappeared, and now this man shows up… confessing? Gloating? He obviously wasn’t lying or was at least somehow involved in the heist, since Negan had kept it close to the vest within his own facility.

He blinked at the man, his hands shaking slightly. “You’re fucking with me, right? What do you want?”

“I wanted to say, no hard feelings.” He smirked before unzipping his bag and dumping it on to the coffee table. It was stack after stack after stack of hundred dollar bills. The boy sat back down and watched Negan’s reaction. It was easily double what he took.

Negan stared at the money, trying to keep a steely expression. He was flabbergasted. What was going on right now? This had to be some kind of power play. This man  _ wanted _ something from Negan, and it obviously wasn’t his money.

Negan took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Why?”

“I stole from you, but I was viewing it was a loan. So, here is your money plus some interest.” He smiled. “I was hoping we could be business partners. I had to make a good impression.” He could tell by the look in Negan’s eyes he was shocked. He was amazing at reading people. It  _ was _ how he got this money.

_ Good impression?! Stealing his money was making a good impression?! _ Negan rubbed at his temples. Why him? Why did this have to happen to him? He looked up at the man. “Who are you and what’s your business? Why do you want to be partners?”

“Well from what I can see we run two very different businesses. But you have people with weapons and I need that. I need protection, I-“ He laughed awkwardly, “have some big leaguers after me and I need your help.”

There it was. What he was after. It was known that Negan offered protection services, but they came at a price, and obviously, this man wanted something for free. Or a mutual agreement of some sort at least. Negan sat back on the couch and crossed one leg over the other, bouncing his foot. “What is your business?” he asked again. 

“I rescue people and I teach them how to count cards. I also do demolitions of companies. Right now I have been getting my kids from a group called the Termites,” he explained. “I had five companions and they have already killed three. We need help.”

Negan hummed. Negan didn’t know if the man was telling the truth, he sounded legit. Negan was glad he hadn’t said human trafficking or anything of the sort. Negan would have shot him on the spot. As it was, Negan was still hesitant. “And how am I going to benefit in this  _ partnership _ ?” he asked. “Why should I help you? So that you won’t steal from me again?” Negan rolled his eyes. There would always be more money to be found.

“I’ll give you twenty percent of the people we save. You use people as a resource and so do I. I can teach some of them to count cards too. We do live in the city of sin after all.” He smiled. Negan tapped his chin as he thought about the man’s proposal. He  _ had _ been mulling over the idea of buying a casino. “And I know more about Carl than you do.”

Negan put up his hands to respond when the man spelled out Carl’s name on his. Negan’s blood went cold. His eyes narrowed at the man. “That’s a low blow,” he signed slowly for emphasis. “You leave him out of this, and you’ve got a deal.”

“Fine.” He smiled and reached out to shake before saying aloud, “The kid knows a lot more about the business game then you might think. He isn’t a little sheep.” 

The man’s hand was a little shaky, but that was just because of the sugar he’d eaten. He was nervous but he had a poker face. Even though he seemed experienced, it was his first time actually speaking with a leader without some sort of hostage.

Negan shook off the man’s words. If he could help it, Negan didn’t want Carl involved in any business, his or anyone else's. He knew the kid probably couldn’t lead a  _ normal _ life, not anymore, but he’d damn well try to give him the closest thing to it.

Negan leaned forward and took the man’s hand, shaking it before clasping it with both of his, keeping him close. “What’s your name?” he spoke.

“Tate,” he said with a small smile. He liked the way Negan spoke, even if it was probably a ploy. He spoke in a non-threatening way. It was almost rock like; a mild indifference but with some compassionate undertones. “I need a few of your people to come home with me. We have a few new arrivals and we need help keeping them in and others out.”

Negan nodded, letting go of the other’s hand. He wished he could send Simon with this guy, but there was no way he was fit for whatever Tate needed people for. “I can give you six for now. I’ll send them to the lobby to follow you out,” Negan signed. “I expect them back.” Negan wanted more info, but he was tired from the day he’d had already. This man was filling him with anxiety he didn’t want, making his mind work over plans he needed to make and people to gather.

He sighed. “Where are you located? How soon do you need more? How can I get in contact with you?” Negan was firing off questions, just trying to get as much info as he could. “Can you send me files about your business? Can you send me files about everything?”

“Six is fine.” Tate signed. “You can call 617-823-6684.” He’d sign the number again when Negan had paper. “We keep no files. We keep to offshore banking and cash. I can’t tell you where home is now. Maybe later, you can come to visit?” he asked, cocking his head. “I can have you visit before we need more men? My comrades make very good tea.” Tate smiled a little thinking about it. 

Negan hummed but nodded. That seemed like the best he was going to get. “Sure. Leave your number with my secretary and she’ll give you mine. Contact me when I should…visit.” Negan stood and gestured towards the door. “If that is all, I do have plans I need to get back to and people to gather for you.” He eyed the money still all over the table and floor. He’d have someone collect that later as well. Negan hoped his exhaustion didn’t show on his face.

Tate smiled and nodded. “Talk to you later, Mr. Negan.” He waved a bit as he went to the elevator, going down.

He smiled at Gina as he walked up to the front desk. “I’m giving you my number for Mr. Negan?”  
…

Negan watched Tate leave before he took his phone out and gathered up six of his people in ‘protective services’, explaining the situation and telling them to meet in the lobby. He then texted Gina a summarized version of the situation. Then, he called one of the bookies who knew about the theft and told him to collect the money but to wear gloves and get it checked out first, just in case.

He sighed and left the room, heading up to his own. His head hurt and he just wanted to take a nap. He hoped Carl was doing ok.

…

“Yes! And here is his card with his number and email on it for you,” Gina said, sliding a business card towards Tate. She typed Tate’s number into her computer as he told it to her, keeping the name blank but adding his physical description below it. 

She turned back to him with a smile. “Shouldn’t take but a few minutes for the people going with you to be down. You can sit, if you’d like,” she said, gesturing to the couch behind him. He was still giving her a weird vibe, and she honestly didn’t want him just hanging around her desk.

Tate nodded. Moving to sit down, he turned back to say, “You look very nice today,” before sitting down in the chair area.

Gina blushed slightly and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. That was random, but she’d take it. She turned back to her computer, tapping away.

Not ten minutes later, a group of her coworkers showed up. She stood and waved them over to Tate, not needing to explain anything since Negan had already spoken to them. They nodded and waved at Gina before heading towards Tate, ready to follow him.

Tate stood and led the way out, leaving just as mysteriously as he had arrived.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Dwight watch some videos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> This chapter contains graphic descriptions of a man and children being tortured.  
> The man's arms are pulled to a breaking point, and the children are forced to drink bleach to kill bugs inside of them.  
> These scenes happen as videos being played back and are in italics. You can skip them and not miss anything in the story.
> 
> Enjoy~ ;3

While Dwight was putting Judith down for a nap, Carl was flicking through the TV stations when a certain movie caught his eye. He watched for a few minutes as the two men walked by the riverside, talking about how they were gonna get a farm with rabbits and cows before one of the men stepped behind the other, pointing a gun at the back of his head. Carl started to panic, he knew what was about to happen. 

“No, no, no, no.” He scrambled to get the clicker to turn it off but by the time he got it, it was too late. The man who’d been shot fell forward and Carl sat there, panicked, looking at the screen. Why did they kill him? Why? Was the man dead? Did his family see this?

Dwight tucked Judith into the guest bedroom’s bed with Daryl. The man was still asleep, and Dwight wondered if he had gotten up at all during their time away. He crept out of the room, heading back to the front where Carl was. When he arrived, he could tell instantly that something was wrong. The tension rolling off Carl was obvious as he sat on the couch. Dwight looked at the TV. Oh, fuck.  _ Of Mice and Men _ was the last thing Carl needed to see, let alone just the ending of it. Dwight made his way around to the front of the couch. “Hey, you ok?”

“This guy, he-he just killed the other one? What happened?!” Carl whisper-yelled, knowing Judith was asleep. “Is the guy okay, is he really dead? Where’s the other one?” he asked. He was so used to watching his dad’s films he forgot that Negan had told him that regular movies were all fake. He was just shocked by it.

Dwight’s brows knitted in confusion, eyes flicking back and forth from the movie to Carl. “Do you mean in the movie or in real life?” he asked, sitting down by Carl. He guessed which one Carl meant. “Those guys are fine in real life. They’re just actors. No one was actually shot, no one hurt. It’s all special effects. Most movies are fake, put together to tell a story. Just entertainment.”

“Fake?” Carl said feeling a bit calmer now. “But why would they do that for entertainment?” he said. Why would anyone what to watch that? It seemed so horrible. After Carl calmed down from his initial shock from the situation, he felt a bit embarrassed to be so vulnerable in front of Dwight.

“It goes with the story, kid, I don’t know. It’s  _ supposed _ to make you emotional, make you feel sad or mad. Not all movies have happy endings.” Dwight shrugged.

“Wanna see something?” Carl said suddenly as he got up and cocked his head.

Dwight cocked an eyebrow at Carl’s random question. “Uhh… sure?” What on Earth could Carl want to show him?

Carl was pretty sick but so was his dad; it ran in the family. He went to Negan’s bedroom, searching through the bedside table, drawers, and desks as he tried to find where Negan had put it. He grinned as he found it almost five minutes later. He came out and handed Dwight a jar with a smirk on his face, just waiting for the man’s reaction.

Dwight took the jar hesitantly. He did not like the look on Carl’s face. He gazed down at the jar in his hands and gasped, almost dropping it. “I-Is this  _ your _ eye?!” he asked incredulously. Dwight swallowed as he turned the jar in his shaking hands till the eye was ‘looking’ at him. It was a morbid fascination. He wanted to look away but also wanted to stare at it forever. “H-holy shit…”

The elevator dinged as Negan arrived. The man walked out, rubbing his temples. He spotted Carl and Dwight in the living room, but could not see Dwight’s hands or what was in them. “Hey, sorry about the wait. What’d you guys get up to without me?” he asked, making his way over.

Carl’s smirk turned off as he practically scampered to Negan, cuddling into his arm like a cat. He ignored Dwight, leaving him with the eyeball. It was kind of cool in its own fucked up way. “I saw a movie called  _ Of Mice and Men _ . What did you do?” Carl asked nearly hanging off Negan. He felt like he had all this energy when he was with him.

Negan snorted at how excited Carl was to see him, shaking him loose so he could wrap his arm around Carl and squeeze him into a half hug. “I had a boring meeting,” Negan said, shrugging. “You… watched  _ Of Mice and Men _ ?” Negan looked to Dwight for clarification on that. There was no way Carl would have chosen to watch that.

“He… caught the end of it,” Dwight said, still staring down at his hands. Negan cocked his head and stepped closer.

“What are you looking at?” Negan asked. Dwight finally shut his eyes, swallowed, and held up the jar. Negan frowned, looking down at Carl. “Carl, you can’t just go around handing your eviscerated eye to people. It’s rude.”

Carl suddenly got an image of himself ripping out his other eye and handing it to Negan just to be a little troll but he wasn’t stupid, he’d be totally blind then, therefore he wouldn’t be able to see his reaction.

Carl frowned. “Why not? I wanted to see what he would do? And it’s my eye. I can do what I want with it,” he said looking over at Dwight. There was almost an  _ I don’t like daddy’s new girlfriend so I’m gonna torment her _ kinda thing going on with Dwight, although Negan wasn’t Carl’s daddy and Dwight wasn’t Negan’s girlfriend.

Negan shook his head. “I don’t care if the eye is yours. You need to respect that other people _ just might _ not want to see it. Not everyone is as used to gore as you are.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

Carl huffed. “Whatever. Dwight said it could be entertainment. Sad or scary stuff. So I showed him my eye.”

“It’s only entertainment if it’s fake, Carl,” Negan said, a hint of sadness in his voice.

Dwight set the jar down on the coffee table. “It’s alright… I was just a bit shocked. I didn’t expect him to just… have it.”

“Can I have my gun back now, please?” Carl asked, holding out his hand as he looked up at Negan with his soft, puppy dog eyes, begging for it back.

Negan sighed, lifting his jacket, showing the gun handle sticking from the waistband of his jeans. “Go on and take it,” he said, a gleam in his eyes at the suggestiveness. He was also hiding the bullets from the gun in his back pocket, praying that Carl didn’t check the barrel.

Carl blushed when he was shown the gun, but he quickly took it without hesitation, putting it in his front jean pocket. “I wanna put on an outfit and then we should watch one of my movies.”

Negan lowered his jacket when Carl took the gun and groaned. “I told you, I’m not watching any of those films your father made. You can watch them if you want, but keep me out of it.” Negan shook his head and crossed his arms again. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry. So, I’m gonna order some food and veg out on the couch. I can set you up to watch your movies in my room if you want, but I’m staying out here.”

Dwight looked between the two. He understood Negan’s reluctance to watch Rick’s films, but he was a little worried about leaving Carl alone with them, especially after what they’d learned after the roof incident. “I’ll watch them with you, Carl. If you want.”

Carl pouted. He wanted Negan with him but he wasn’t going to force him to see stuff he didn’t want to, especially since they’d talked about it two seconds ago. “Fine, but afterward, can we be on the couch together?” Carl asked, crossing his arms as well. He was a little upset with Negan, not that he was doing anything wrong but because he wasn’t filling in Carl’s little fantasy of what was “supposed” to happen. 

Negan nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be waiting for you out here,” Negan said, gesturing to the couch.

“Where are the tapes?” Carl asked Negan before turning to Dwight. “I’m letting you pick,” he said to him.

“The tapes are here.” Negan crossed to the other side of the coffee table and pulled out the drawer on that side, pulling out the bag with the tapes. He tossed it to Dwight, who caught it easily. “You know how to set up the TV in my room, right?”

“Yes, sir,” Dwight nodded, opening the bag to look at the tapes. There were so many. He hoped Carl didn’t want to watch all of them. He stood and started making his way towards Negan’s room, wondering what he was getting himself into.

Carl followed after Dwight, scampering along to the bedroom, jumping up and plopping down onto the bed with his arms spread out.

“Okay Dwighty Boy,” he said. He’d heard Negan say that once to Dwight when Negan had thought no one was listening.  Dwight closed the door to Negan’s room, frowning at the nickname. “What tape do you wanna see first? Pick a name out of the bag and then I’ll fish out all the names of that person and read you some of the titles and you can pick which one to watch, ya?” He smiled, sitting up.

Dwight moved to get the TV ready as Carl talked, setting the bag down on the bed. He slid open a panel on the wall across from the bed, positioned so that one could lean against the headboard and see the TV perfectly. He turned it on and got it onto the right channel.

Dwight sighed as he came back over to the bed, opening the bag and sticking his hand in. He pulled out a couple of tapes, reading them to himself. “Um… I guess... “ He bit his lip. He wanted to pick a male name, not sure if he could handle seeing a woman being tortured. “Paul?” He held out the tape to show Carl.

Carl frowned at the name. “No, no Paul, Bailey or Emily. Pick Bambi, Lori, Beth, Honey, Daryl, Sophie, or the ones with Buddies in the title,” he said, scooting over to the corner of the bed. “The ones with black dots are death, blue is water, red is burning, yellow is bugs and green is other,” he explained. “Oh, Travis is an ok choice too.”

Dwight groaned, putting the tape back in the bag and sifting through it. “What happened to  _ I _ get to pick?” he huffed quietly. None of the names Carl gave him as acceptable choices sounded good to him. They sounded like kids or women or  _ Daryl _ , who he knew. Dwight remembered hearing Rick call Carl ‘Bambi’, so fuck if he was picking that one either. It looked like his only choice was Travis.

He plucked out a Travis tape with a green dot. He knew ‘other’ was probably something he couldn’t even fathom, but all the other options were just as horrible. “Ok?” He showed it to Carl.

Carl nodded and waited on the bed patiently. “Good first pick; no blood in this,” he said, hugging his knees a bit. “Go on, put it in,” he said. He knew what tape it was, but he was sure Dwight wasn’t expecting to see what he was about to.

Dwight sighed and walked to the TV, popping the tape into the player and grabbing the remote. He made sure the volume was up enough for them to hear it, but a little on the low side so it wouldn’t leave the room. The last thing he wanted was Judith waking up to what he was sure were going to be screams. Dwight dimmed the lights about half way before sitting on the bed next to Carl. He took a deep breath and hit play on the remote.

_ “Okay,” Rick’s deep voice breathed out. “We’re set up to go in three, two, one.” The screen turned on. There was a stage, similar to a college auditorium set up. There was a man on stage who was on his knees, his hands behind his back, his wrists caught in what looked like a wooden board. “You tried to touch my kid, Travis,” Rick tsked. The man, Travis, was desperately begging behind a gag but it was all muffled. _

_ The muffled begging went on for a few more minutes until Rick got sick of the wordless begging and left the camera on the tripod, making his way over to Travis, ripping the cloth gag out of his mouth. “I’m sorry Sir, please. He could have died!” Travis begged. _

_ “I said no one was to touch him from where he was, and you did,” Rick spoke smoothly. It was more unsettling because he didn’t sound angry. Rick went back over to the side, off-screen where he started pulling a rope, lifting the panel of wood Travis’s wrists were caught in. _

_ Soon, Travis was to his feet, then on his tippy-toes, before he was begging once again, crying out in pain as the rope continued to go higher. Ten seconds later, Rick tugged the rope and dislocated both Travis’s arms as he screamed. _

Dwight covered his mouth when Rick started pulling the man’s arms up. Then he bit his knuckle as Travis was pulled to his feet.  _ Oh god, oh god. _ When Travis was practically floating off the ground, Dwight had to look away, squeezing his eyes shut at the sound of the screams.

_ Soon Travis’s cries were shot through with little Carl’s voice. “No! No! Get off of me! No!” he screamed. He was over Rick’s shoulder and pounding on the man’s back, screaming in protest. He looked around eleven, maybe. He was in a 1920s costume. Travis’s costume was visible too, now that he was dangling. _

_ Carl was placed on the stage and Rick grabbed his face in his hands. “Listen to me, baby. Baby, baby, listen,” he growled, trying to get the kid to shut up so he could talk. “I love you, baby. Be a good boy for Daddy okay?” He petted the boy's hair. Carl looked like was caught in a trance. He stopped talking and fighting, just leaned into the touch, listening to Rick. _

Dwight looked back up when he heard Carl’s voice. It was higher pitched than it was now but still recognizable. He watched as Rick placed his son on the stage, reaching over and softly gripping onto Carl’s sleeve. Carl nearly jumped out of his skin when Dwight touched him. He wasn’t expecting it. “C-Carl, I didn’t want to see you,” Dwight said, “Do we have to finish this?” His voice was strained, eyes still glued to the screen.

“He doesn’t hurt me...” Carl said looking at the screen. “But no we don’t have to watch.” He looked down at his hands awkwardly.

Dwight bit his lip, looking at the boy next to him. He didn’t let go of Carl’s sleeve. “Are you positive he doesn’t hurt you? I don’t want to see  _ you _ hurt. W-we can finish if you can promise me that.”

“It’s nothing bad,” he huffed a bit, crossing his arms, his face a bit red. He didn’t understand why but he was feeling embarrassed. “He doesn’t hurt me in a lot of them. Like the bug one. Or the one with Beth...” He looked down. “It’s different.”

“Carl… are you in all of them?” Dwight asks, his eye flicking to the screen for a minute before back to Carl. The boy looked so young in the current film. How much had he been through? How much had he seen?

“Most of them,” he said, Dwight’s tone was freaking him out. He wasn’t used to Dwight’s normal people reaction to this kind of thing. “See, look,” Carl said pointing to himself on screen. Rick was behind him, brushing his hair and telling him he was pretty.    
  
It wasn’t any physical violence but it was 100% predator grooming. Carl’s current relationship with Rick showed that it had clearly worked.

Dwight watched the screen, biting his lip. How could he even explain to Carl how not right what was happening on the screen was? It did  _ look _ like Rick was being a loving father, but that was the point.

“Carl… I don’t know how to tell you that what Rick is doing right there might not be physically hurting you, but he’s messing with your head, kid.” Dwight looked back over at Carl. “It’s… it’s not normal. There’s a man hanging and screaming behind you two for God’s sake.” Dwight sighed. “I know I probably can’t convince you of anything though.” He looked back to the screen. “How much longer is this? How many more do you want to watch?”

“I never said it was normal. I said he wasn’t hurting me,” Carl said, looking at Rick and getting entranced in the man’s voice again. 

“ _ You’re such a good boy for daddy. Daddy loves you so so much _ ,” Rick said on screen. 

Carl cleared his throat. “I want to watch the one with me and Beth and then a bug one and then we can be done.”

Dwight didn’t even try to argue that Rick  _ was _ hurting Carl, just not physically. He grabbed the bag of tapes and moved it to his lap, digging through it. He pulled out a couple with Beth’s name and a couple with yellow dots. “Just… just pick. I don’t care.” Carl picked up one that said ‘cleaning’ on it.

“We filmed this one after the bug one but I wanna see Beth’s face now,” he explained before handing it too him. “You don’t have to watch them,” he added.

Dwight got up and switched the tapes before coming back over and sitting by Carl again. “I-I said I would, but I might look away.” Dwight sighed. He thought he’d be stronger than this, but something about these videos was just churning his stomach wrong. Not even the content, just the way they were made, the fact that Carl was always involved. The fact that Carl  _ wanted _ to watch them. It just set Dwight on edge.

“Can I… hold on to you?” Dwight asked, hovering his hand above Carl’s wrist. He wanted something stable to hold to, and right now that was Carl.

Carl looked up at him, cocking his head. “Why?” he asked, not knowing why the man would want to touch him. 

_ Soon a pretty white girl was on screen. She was in an all white, tiled room that was too brightly lit. She had blonde hair, blue eyes, and a stitched up scar on her cheek with something moving inside. She looked like she was going insane, shaking on her knees. _

_ The scene soon panned out to show Carl across from her, also on his knees. He didn’t have the same mark on his face. He looked about thirteen in this one. He had the same fucked-up look in his eyes. _

“I-It w-would really h-help me. It’s a comfort th-thing,” Dwight said as the screen played and the girl came on.  _ Oh god. Oh god. _ His hand shook as it hovered over Carl. He didn’t want to touch Carl’s body without his permission. As the screen changed to Carl, Dwight swallowed thickly, taking deep breaths.

“Yeah...” Carl blushed a little. “It’s okay I guess.” 

_ “You see. They can survive anything. Even the biggest scariest bomb you can think off,” Rick said before a crunch was heard and both teens cringed. “Now you two need to think of a way to get them out of your face and your tummy. Or you’ll both get real sick,” he said in a falsely concerned voice. “They’ll burrow their way inside of your bodies to lay their eggs and the eggs will hatch babies that will eat you from the inside out.” _

_ The girl started crying. “Please, Mr. Grimes. Please...” she cried.  _

_ “You guys want something to help get them out?” he asked and they both frantically nodded. _

Dwight held on to Carl as soon as he said it was ok. Carl jumped even though he knew Dwight was gonna touch him. He blushed a little and let out a relaxed breath as he eased into the touch. Dwight tried not to squeeze too hard, but his grip was firm. He watched until Rick mentioned giving them something to help get the bugs out. _ Oh no. _ Dwight could guess where this was going. He was going to hand them a knife or scissors something and make them cut the bugs out.

And if not that, something worse.

Dwight turned his head towards Carl, closing his eyes. “Tell me when it’s over, please,” he whispered.

“Okay,” Carl promised while watching. 

_ There was a loud thud on screen. “What is this?” little Carl asked. _

_ “It’s bleach,” Rick said. _

“Oh god,” Dwight wheezed, leaning down and resting his forehead on Carl’s shoulder. What kind of monster does this shit? To children?! Dwight kept his eyes shut, wondering if his imagination was going to be worse than the images on the screen. 

Carl pushed back against Dwight’s touch as a way to comfort him. He hadn’t thought that Dwight would have this type of reaction; he’d had his face ironed for God’s sake!

_ “You can use it on my count,” Rick said. “Then I’ll get you guys some chicken nuggets. One. Two. Three,” Rick counted slowly, his voice getting a little deeper as each number was counted. _

_ The kids scrambled to get the gallon of bleach first. They yelled, “No,” at each other, as they tried to get it, but Beth was stronger then Carl, who hadn’t eaten for three days by this point. She poured some of it on her face, trying to get it in the cut as she screamed in pain at the burn. _

The high pitched screams of the girl had Dwight shaking, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. They morphed into the same screams he’d heard from his wife at the hands of her abusive ex. His desire to help the girl on the screen crushed with the knowledge that she was probably already dead. He sniffed and ran his thumb back and forth on Carl’s wrist, trying to find comfort in the feel of another person. There was a long upwards scar on his wrist, going up his forearm. The girl in the video had the same one.

_ Soon Carl grabbed the bottle from her and started to chug. He began crying too. It hurt so much. His throat was burning. He felt like he was melting from the inside. _

“C-Carl,” Dwight whispered. “How did you l-live through this sh-shit?” He couldn’t see the screen, but he was putting the pieces together on which kid had the bugs in which places, and what they were doing to try and kill them.

“He let the bleach kill it and then he pumped my stomach out before the bleach hurt me too bad,” he explained, trying to ignore the stutters in his voice.

The video went on for another thirty seconds of both of the frantic kids crying before Rick calmed them down, shushing them softly. “ _ Now we’ll clean up here and put you back in your rooms and give you some nuggets _ ,” he said before it cut out.

Dwight breathed slowly, trying to keep himself calm. He didn’t care how much brainwashing this man did on Carl, how the FUCK did something like this not convince the kid that his father was insane and did not love him at all?

“Is it over?” _ Please be over. Please be over. _

Carl nodded. “It’s done. We can stop now too.” He blushed a bit, frowning to see Dwight’s tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be so upset by this,” he quickly defended himself.

Dwight laughed wetly, lifting his head and wiping his face off with his free hand. “I’m sorry, Carl. I-I just can’t handle women or children or people that I care about in pain,” he explained softly. “It hits too close to home for me.” Dwight released his grip on Carl’s wrist, patting it gently. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this. You are much stronger than I ever was at your age.”

Carl blushed a bit at Dwight’s words. “It’s okay, I guess,” he shrugged. “It had to have happened to someone, so I guess I’m glad it was me. And he always got me nuggets after any filming so it kinda made up for it.”

Dwight just sighed and shook his head. It shouldn’t have happened to anyone at all. He put a hand on Carl’s shoulder, holding himself back from pulling the kid into a hug. “All that matters is that you’re safe now. Your sister too,” he said, giving him a small smile. “And you’re surrounded by people who just want what’s best for you.” He leaned closer to Carl and chuckled. “And can I just say, I have never seen Negan so happy as when he is with you guys. Promise me you won’t break his heart, kid. He’s been through too much to live through that again.”

The boy blushed at the confession. Was that really true? “For real?” he asked, with a small smile. “Wait- so I-“ He was still thinking about not sucking Negan off earlier. He still felt a bit bad. He didn’t want to break the man's heart, whatever that meant. And if he was happy so far, then Carl would just continue whatever it was he was doing.

Dwight smiled and nodded. “He cares about you a lot. I know sometimes he can seem…” Dwight twirled his hand in the air, trying to think of a good description word. “Stern… but it’s because he likes you so much and is just concerned.” Dwight didn’t want to outright mention the eating issue, but he was hinting at it, knowing that Carl’s weight was a major stress for Negan.

Dwight got up and popped the tape out of the player, putting it back in the bag and handing the bag to Carl. “He’s strong, but even the strongest need a break sometimes.”

“Okay. I like him too,” Carl said with a smile just thinking about Negan. “I’m gonna go change. Tell him I want a PB and J and carrot sticks,” Carl said, going off into the bathroom with his shopping bags in hand.

Dwight smiled, watching Carl scamper off. Once the kid was behind a closed door, Dwight put his hands to his face and groaned loudly into them. He was going to need to scrub his brain after watching those videos. Even just the little bits he’d seen had been bad enough.

And the sounds.

The sounds would forever be stuck in his mind.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl relaxes with Negan for a bit and they play a question game to learn more about each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, hope y'all made it past that last chapter unscathed because we are heading right on~
> 
> Enjoy~

Dwight got up and went back out the living room. Negan was watching a ghost hunting show on TV, empty plate and cup on the coffee table. A food cart was next to him, still holding a couple of cheeseburgers and a bowl of fries. Dwight walked over and took a couple of fries, shoving them into his mouth. Negan looked over at him.

“Well? How was it?”

“Horrible. Fucking nightmare. I am  _ not _ watching anymore. Ever,” Dwight said, grabbing more fries. “I don’t know how he’s alive, Negan. I don’t know how that man didn’t completely d-destroy him.” Dwight started shaking as he reached for more food. Negan frowned and stood up, going to Dwight. “God…it was…s-so bad…”

“Dwight, Dwight, shh.” Negan wrapped his arms around the other man, resting a hand on the back of his head. Dwight rested his head on Negan’s shoulder, taking in shaky breaths and gripping the front of Negan’s shirt. He sniffed.

“Thank you, Negan,” Dwight said after composing himself. He leaned back and wiped at his face. “Carl wants a PBJ and carrot sticks, by the way.”

Negan laughed and patted the unburnt side of Dwight’s face. “Thank you. I’ll order them up right away. Go home, Dwight. Tell Sherry I said ‘hi’, ok?” Dwight nodded, grabbed a few more fries and then ducked into the elevator.

Carl came out ten minutes later. He was in his knee-length, high waisted, pleated pink skirt with a large white sweater they’d clearly gotten the wrong size for since he looked like a toothpick in it. But the sweater did give the slight illusion of a girlish figure. He came padding over in bare feet.

“What do you think?” he asked and did a little spin so the skirt flared up. He was smiling widely. “Where’s Dwight?” he asked cocking his head. He wasn’t sad that the man had left, he just wanted to know where he’d gone.

Negan had been sitting back on the couch when Carl walked in. He watched Carl spin and smiled. The kid looked cute as all hell. Even with the sweater nearly swallowing up all of him. Maybe Negan would have someone exchange it for a smaller size later. Or maybe Carl would eat more and fill it out. He shook that thought from his head and just focused on the boy.

“I love it,” he said, leaning forward and opening his arms, motioning with his fingers for Carl to come to him. “You look so cute. And Dwight left. Went home. It’s just us, and you know, Daryl and Judith in the back.” Negan chuckled. He cocked his head over towards the food. “There’s cheeseburgers, fries, PBJs, and carrot sticks. Eat whatever.”

Carl grabbed a handful of the carrot sticks before coming over and sitting down. When he had his back to Negan, picking up the carrot sticks, Negan could see the gun sticking out of the back of Carl’s skirt. Negan rolled his eyes at the gun. Why on Earth would Carl feel the need to have it here and now?

Carl plopped down with his knees up on the couch, his side curled into Negan’s. “Can you hold me?” he asked quietly. “I heard what Dwight told you...”

Negan sighed, but nodded and threw his arm around Carl’s shoulders. He took Carl’s feet with his other hand and, turning Carl slightly, laid them across his lap, resting a hand on Carl’s skirt-covered thigh. “Did you now?” Negan asked, looking at him.

Carl squeaked almost frantically as his legs were moved, grabbing onto Negan, but he quickly calmed his ass down once he saw Negan was just putting him on his lap. He blushed and looked up at him, nodding a little. 

“Yea, no one has to watch with me again, but I do wanna watch one more video before tomorrow… what are we doing tomorrow?” Tomorrow was Sunday.

Negan rubbed Carl’s leg and shrugged. “As far as I know, the doctor wanted us back in for that psych test you skipped, and to…” He looked up at Carl’s face and rolled his eyes. “Check on your feeding tube.”

Carl went a bit pale, whimpering. “Is he gonna be mad? What are we gonna do?” he said, distressed at the thought that he’d make the man angry. “I don’t need one,” Carl said with teary eyes. “Please Negan?” He was playing up his reaction but only to get the man’s comfort.

Negan sighed. He was so tired, and he was starting to learn that Carl had a lot of crocodile tears. “He won’t be mad, but he’ll be disappointed I’m sure. In you and in me,” Negan said, reaching out and patting Carl’s cheek. “We’ll see what he has to say.” Negan looked back down at his hand on Carl’s leg, smoothing the pink fabric over it. He could feel how skinny it was through the soft fabric.

“Carl, you don’t understand how hard it is for me to see you like this sometimes. I just want you to be healthy, and don’t try to tell me you are, because you’re not. I wish you’d just…  _ listen _ to me.” Negan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “I don’t know if I can trust you to make your own decisions, but I want to give you your own choices at the doctor. I’ll just sit back and let you talk to him, hmm?”

Carl frowned a little but nodded. “Why? I thought you thought I was pretty?” he said sniffling.

He really didn’t see what Negan saw. He was so used to unhealthy and malnourished it looked normal. He’d seen Daryl go down to a hundred and thirty pounds before. He had seen people starve to death. He had seen people who were literally skin and bones so he saw himself as healthy. You couldn’t see his spine unless he bent over. You couldn’t see his hip bones unless he sucked in. You couldn’t see every one of his ribs, only the first three. “Please don’t be sad,” Carl said. “I don’t want you to be sad. I’m sorry.” Now his sadness was genuine. He didn’t ever want Negan to be upset.

“You do look pretty, Carl, but…” Negan clenched the fabric in his hand before smoothing it back down, not able to look at Carl’s face. “Just because you’re pretty doesn’t mean you’re healthy.” Negan shook his head and sniffed, holding back tears. “I’m scared, Carl. I care about you so much, and I don’t know what to do to help you.”

Carl sniffled a little at Negan’s sniffles.  _ Oh shit. No no no no. _ “Please don’t cry? Look! I’ll eat a burger right now okay?” he said reaching over and grabbing one. “See? See all good? I promise.” He rubbed the mans arm with one hand and ate with the other. “Please, I promise.”

Negan chuckled wetly, watching Carl. Well, at least the kid was trying to keep him happy. What more could Negan ask for? The man blinked away his tears, sniffing one last time before leaning over and kissing Carl’s forehead. “Thank you, babe,” he sighed.

Carl smiled, feeling his body just light up at the kiss. It made him feel special and loved and happy. He continued to eat, cuddling into the man after climbing to fully sit on his lap.

Negan wrapped his arms around Carl, leaning back into the couch. He tucked Carl’s head under his chin, watching the TV over the boy. Negan had been thinking about Tate and what was in store for himself the entire time Carl and Dwight were gone. It was nice to have Carl back in his arms to distract him from his own worries.

Carl let out a little whimper, looking up at him, squirming. He didn’t know why but he felt uncomfortable. His stomach was hurting and he felt a little sweaty. He was just being anxious.

“What’s up, kid?” Negan asked at the squirming, not really looking down at Carl but obviously in tune to him. Negan reached up and petted Carl’s hair, tucking a bit behind his ear.

“I feel weird,” Carl said, pouting a little. Why was he feeling like this? “Hold me tighter?” he asked, thinking it might help. His heart was picking up speed too.

“Weird how? You ok?” Negan asked as he tightened his grip, rubbing at Carl’s arm. He nuzzled into Carl’s hair. Carl just watched some horrors being performed to people and himself too, Negan guessed from what Dwight had said. Even if he didn’t say he was affected by the gore, Negan was sure something in him was repulsed by it. “You want me to put on a fun movie?”

Carl nodded softly. He liked that idea. He was with Negan, everything was fine, he was safe. He put down the three bites of burger left, nuzzling into Negan.

“Alright, let’s find something here,” Negan said, picking up the remote and flipping through the selections. He wondered if he should pick an animated movie so Carl wouldn’t think it was real people doing real things, but then he found ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ and couldn’t resist. “Ah! This is classic and very good. I think you’ll like it.” He clicked play and set the remote down, putting his hand on Carl’s hip and pulling him close. Negan kissed Carl’s temple as the movie started.

Carl nodded, smiling a little, relaxing, slowly un-tensing as the movie played on. He cuddled into the man's front, letting his head rest on the other’s chest. He liked being so close to him.

Negan quietly laughed and quoted lines in sync with the movie as it played, letting his hands constantly wander Carl, just tracing random shapes onto him. His thigh, his hip, his arm, his shoulder, his back. Anywhere Negan could reach, he absentmindedly trailed his fingers. It was nice just relaxing with Carl in his lap. No plans. No stress to do anything. Just warmth.

Carl cuddled into the man, laughing a bit with a smile as they continued to watch. It was a pretty good movie and Carl enjoyed it, but he still couldn’t fully shake the “danger danger” feeling he had inside him. Carl reached over, grabbing and eating half of a PB and J, before getting off of Negan’s lap, sitting on the floor next to the kitten box again.

Negan let Carl do as he wanted, but couldn’t help but think that it was a little weird he’d just get off him. He hoped he was feeling alright. Negan reached down and carded his fingers through Carl’s hair a couple of times before leaning back on the couch, bringing up one knee. Carl nearly purred when Negan rubbed his head. It felt nice. Negan kept an eye on Carl while watching the movie. 

Carl picked up Kilot out of the box but the kitten started screeching. He was not happy to be picked up. “Shh, shh, shh,” Carl said to the kitten, trying to shut it up.

Negan glanced down when the kitten started yelling. “Carl, set him back down. Just pet him inside the box.” Negan was afraid the momma cat was going to get anxious at the noise, and he really didn’t want to deal with Carl getting a cat scratch.

Carl pouted, putting the kitten in his lap first, hoping it’d be enough to get him to stop crying, but when that didn’t work he caved and put him back in the box. “Why doesn’t he want to touch me right now?” Carl mumbled, resting his head against Negan’s leg.

Negan set his hand on top of Carl’s head as he leaned against him. “Sometimes animals and people just don’t want to be touched. He’s probably just tired.” Negan trailed his hand down the side of Carl’s face and traced circles on his cheek. “How’re you feeling?”

“I feel kinda funny I guess,” he sighed. “My stomach hurts and I feel nervous.” He looked around a little before his eyes landed back on Negan. “Can you pet my head some more?”

“Of course, babe,” Negan said, trailing his hand back up, petting and playing with Carl’s hair. Negan hoped Carl was ok. He didn’t like not knowing what was wrong with him. “Do you wanna see Denice? She might be able to help.”

Carl quickly shook his head no. Her office smelt like alcohol and latex, and last time he was there, he’d been drugged. “No, I hated it there. No Denise,” he said, crossing his arms as he leaned into Negan’s warm touch.

“I can have her come up here?” Negan suggested, knowing the answer would still probably be no. He massaged behind Carl’s ear. “I’d give you some medicine for a stomach ache, but I don’t know what’s causing it. You want some ginger ale?”

Carl shook his head no, cuddling into Negan’s leg as he was pet and touched. “No, I like what we are doing right now.” He said bluntly. “I wanna do something fun, but not move.”

“Alright, alright,” Negan sighed. “Just trying to help.” Negan shifted, pulling his leg away from Carl in order to move over, placing his legs on either side of Carl, bracketing him in. He softly began combing both his hands through Carl’s hair, scratching at the boy’s scalp as he went.

Carl loved the feeling and relaxed into it, nuzzling his cheek against Negan’s inner thigh like a little thank you. They finished up the movie without much other conversation. 

“That was funny.” Carl smiled up at him.

Negan grinned down at him. He had been in the middle of trying to braid a part of Carl’s hair when the boy looked back at him. He let it fall apart and brushed it out with his fingers. “Yeah? I’m glad you liked it!” He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Carl’s forehead.

Carl smiled a little. “What now?” he asked. “Can we play another game like questionnaire or truth or dare?” he asked. He just wanted to talk to the man but he really didn’t know how outside of games. He was a bit awkward.

Negan laughed softly and nodded. “Sure.” Negan remembered the  _ last _ time they played truth or dare and what that had led to, and he felt a blush creep up the back of his neck. “How about that questionnaire one, hmm? You go first.”

Carl nodded a little and turned to his side so  he was facing Negan but still between the man’s knees. “What's the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done, like ever.” He smiled. 

Negan hummed as he thought about it. He cracked a smile as something popped into his head. “So, the first time I visited Ezekiel,” he started. “I didn’t realize it, but my straps on my jacket were like dangling and it was attracting Shiva, his tiger. She was hiding behind a bush while we were walking through his zoo. The next thing I knew, she was pouncing on me, playfully of course, but she pushed me into this huge outdoor fountain! I was soaked to the bone and Ezekiel was laughing his ass off.” Negan laughed at the memory. “I guess it’s not really something  _ I _ did, but I sure was embarrassed nonetheless.”

Carl was laughing his ass off before the giggles faded and he got excited. “Like a tiger? A real tiger?” he said, beaming. “Oh my god, I’ve always wanted to see one. You’re talking about Ezekiel, the guy that helped us right?”

Negan loved the sound of Carl’s laughter. “Yes, a real tiger! Fucking huge!” He laughed and nodded. “And yes,  _ that _ Ezekiel.” He smiled sadly. “Shiva isn’t around anymore though. I’m not sure if he got a new tiger or not.”

”What? She died?” He pouted sadly thinking about it. “I always wanted to see one.” He smiled again. 

Negan nodded. “I’ll call Zeke and see if he knows where you can see one up close, yeah?” Negan patted Carl’s cheek.

Carl rubbed on him.  “Okay, my turn.”

“Ok, umm,” Negan thought for a minute. “What’s your happiest memory?”

Carl smiled as he was touched. “I was six years old, and dad had made me a special lunch for school that day with chicken nuggets and chocolate milk and I was so happy. Shane my dad’s best friend was hanging out with my mom and they picked me up early for a surprise camping trip and they took me out of school and we went to McDonald's and we drove out into the forest and camped in a tent for three days. He taught me how to catch frogs and snails and it was so fun.” He smiled thinking about it.

Negan smiled. “That sounds really nice, Carl. Really fun.” Negan was glad Carl had memories like that to look back on. He cupped Carl’s cheek in his hand, just wanting contact with him. “Your turn to ask me?”

Carl nodded and cuddled into the hand. “Yeah, I loved Shane so much. He was a really good guy,” he said. “What's your favorite thing to do to relax?” he asked smiling.

Negan laughed. “That’s easy! Veg out in my bed and watch movies all day.” He beamed. “No work, no stress, just my favorite films.” He shrugged. “I’m a man of simple tastes. What about you? Same question.”

“That’s cheating but okay. I guess going to the lake and being with you and Judith. I’m not sure,” Carl said. Being at the lake with Shane was one of the last times he remembered not being scared.

Negan chuckled. He didn’t know the rules, he just wanted to talk to Carl. “Oh? I help you relax?” He smiled, running his thumb across Carl’s cheek.

Carl nodded and rested himself into it. “Yes, Sir,” he nearly purred. He felt safe when he was with the man. He truly felt as if no one else would hurt him if he was with Negan.

“That makes me happy,” Negan said, leaning forward and kissing Carl’s head. He felt his chest squeeze with pride. “And please, you don’t have to call me sir when we’re alone like this.”

Carl smiled more, he liked that Negan assumed he was calling him sir out of respect. Every time he was out with Negan he had been sassy, giving smart alec comments and to Carl’s standards, he was being borderline belligerent. He only ever called the man sir in private which was serving two purposes. Showing others he was unafraid standing by Negan’s side, but then screwing around with him and calling him sir in private felt a bit right... but a wrong type of right that went to his dick brain.

Negan noted the smile and cocked his head to the side, smirking. “I mean… unless you  _ really _ like calling me ‘Sir’?” Negan leaned forward more, trailing the tip of his nose down from Carl’s temple till his mouth was at Carl’s ear. “I don’t mind,” he breathed, hot air washing over Carl.

Carl shivered a little, smiling. “It’s whatever you want, Sir,” he said. “But just know I do bite.” He growled a little, baring his teeth for the man before breaking off into giggles. Negan laughed at Carl’s little joke and his growl, patting his cheek before leaning back slightly.

Carl got himself together before asking, “What’s one thing I’ve done that you really like?”

He thought over Carl’s question. “Hmmm…I can only pick one?” He smiled and tapped his chin. “I liked it when you let me wash your hair,” Negan said softly. “It made me feel like you really trusted me and I liked doing it.”

Carl smiled. “Well, of course, I trust you? I let my baby sister live with you.” He said happily. “Your turn.”

“What is something new you want to try?” Negan asked, the question at the ready for once.

The boy did everything he could to say, ‘Your hand on my neck’, but didn’t say it. Carl thought about it. “I like things that get my adrenaline up, so anything involving that.”

Negan could think of  _ something  _ that would get the boy’s adrenaline up for sure. He tucked that thought away and instead asked, “You ever been on a roller coaster?”

Carl shook his head no. “I went to Six Flags when I was four, but I was too little for any of the rides.” He laughed a little. Four, that was Judith’s age, damn. Negan nodded, already planning out a trip to an amusement park in his head when Carl dropped his next question. “What’s a turn on for you?” Carl said bluntly.

He blinked at the boy, feeling his face flush slightly. “Eh..um..well…” Negan thought about it. It was honestly hard to say given his sexuality. He could and did get turned on, sure, but were there specific things that did it for him? He loved giving blow jobs, but he felt like Carl already kinda knew that. “I, uh…I like…”

He snapped his fingers. “Collars. I like when my partner wears a collar. Specifically, one with a ring on the front so I can tug them around by it.” He hummed in pleasure thinking about it. It was also directly related to him liking kitten play, but he didn’t think Carl needed to know what that was just yet.

Carl smirked at the answer. He had never worn a collar before. “I like that. You want me to be a good kitty and behave for you, Sir?” he asked smirking. He wanted to see how squirmy he could get the man, see how he was with him when he had a collar on. See how he behaved.

“I could be your kitten, Sir? Your Kilot?” he purred, resting his head closer on the man’s inner thigh. Damn, he had a sex drive like a rabbit. He wasn’t going to be able to keep his hands off Negan as he’d threatened at the mall.

Negan shuddered. _ Ho-ly FUCK. _ This kid was going to give him a heart attack. Negan could feel himself heat up at Carl’s words. He bit his bottom lip as he reached out with a shaky hand and petted the boy’s hair back. He trailed his fingers down behind Carl’s ear, over his jaw, and to his neck where he traced a light line. “Fuck, Carl. You would look… so good in a collar and cat ears.” ‘ _ And a tail plug,’ _ he thought but didn’t say.

Carl blushed, whining a little into the man’s hand as Negan’s fingers stroked his throat. “Really?” he asked looking up at him. “I always want to be a good boy for you,” he said, pushing his throat into the man’s hand. “The first time we met-“ he started, “I would have gotten a boner if it hadn’t been so serious,” he said purring. “I would love to wear it for you.”

Negan let his fingers splay out around Carl’s throat. He didn’t squeeze, just held them there. “You mean when I was choking you?” he asked, eyebrow raised. He hummed. “Well, I’ll order some for you. You want to help me shop or you want it to be a  _ surprise _ ?” Negan leaned forward and purred the last word.

Carl blushed before his smile was lost in a breathy gasp, the hands holding and squeezing against him. His eyes were wide and his mouth fell open. “Surprise,” he whispered, whining a little, he loved that the man could feel his breath and his voice in his hand. God, it was so hot.

Negan smiled and ran his hands back up Carl’s neck to hold his cheeks. “Alright, I’ll get a few things and surprise you. You are going to be the prettiest kitty, aren’t you?” Negan bit at his bottom lip, already imagining Carl with nothing on but a cute collar, ears, and a tail, mewling and writhing on Negan’s bed, begging to be touched and played with. Crying for Negan’s hands to pet him. And Negan would. Oh, he’d give Carl everything, but only after watching him squirm for a bit.

And then Negan would replace the tail with his cock, and Carl would be stretched from the plug but not quite enough. He’d be warm and tight around Negan as he fucked the boy into the mattress, tugging on that pretty collar around his neck. Pressing his thumbs against his throat.

Negan shook himself from his thoughts, focusing back in. Fuck. He was excited. He leaned forward and kissed Carl’s head again before trailing his lips down and kissing the boy’s lips.

The boy got up from his place between the man’s knees, climbing up, putting his hands on his knees as he kissed him warmly. God, this felt good. He didn’t want to play again, but damn, did he like being held and kissed and complemented.

“Do you love me?” Carl pulled away after a few moments of attacking the man’s lips with his own. Even with the rough stubble against his skin, he loved it.

Negan rested his hands on Carl’s hips as the boy moved. He tugged him closer as he kissed him back. “Of course I do, Carl,” Negan answered, placing another quick kiss to his lips. “I love you so much.” 

Carl smiled and kissed back. He rested his hips on the man’s stomach, humming a little. “I love you too Negan.”

Negan smiled, sniffing a little at the words. Carl had told him he’d loved him before, sure, but Negan just couldn’t help getting choked up about it at that moment. He rested his head on Carl’s shoulder, nuzzling his face into the boy’s neck. “Thank you. Thank you, Carl. I love you,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around Carl’s back and pulling him closer.

Carl smiled happily and hugged Negan. “I trust you with Judy. I really do,” he said and kissed the top of the man's head. He cared about Judith far more then he did himself so that was saying something.

Negan kissed Carl’s neck softly, nodding. “I love her too. I love you both. So much.” Negan rubbed his hand up and down Carl’s back, his fingers brushing the gun Carl still had in his waistband. He set his palm against it, pressing the cool metal into Carl’s skin. Tilting his face up to talk into Carl’s ear, Negan said, “Carl. Let me take this and put it on the table, hmm? I want to touch  _ you _ , not a gun.”

Carl pouted a little but nodded. He trusted the man. “Okay,” he said with a small smile, shivering as the cold metal touched him. “I want you to touch me too.” He paused. “I’m a good boy? A good kid?” he asked, turning this sexual thing into more of a self-care and recovery kind of thing.

Negan slid the gun out and set it on the table next to the couch, placing his warm hand on the place the gun had been on Carl’s back, rubbing gently.

He kissed Carl’s neck and hummed. “When you want to be,” he said teasingly, laughing slightly. He leaned back to look at Carl’s face. “Seriously though, you’re a good person, Carl. You have a good soul.” Negan placed a hand over Carl’s heart. “I’m honored to be able to see you grow into it.”

Carl smiled at Negan. “Thank you Negan. You’re good to me. Too good sometimes.” He giggled happily. “You’re handsome and sweet and you’re so good to the people you care about.” Carl kissed Negan’s forehead.

Negan smiled at Carl’s words and the kiss, his heart squeezing in his chest. Carl was really doing him in tonight. “Thank you, Carl,” Negan breathed, resting his head back on Carl’s shoulder. “I think it’s you who’s too good to me.” He chuckled.

Carl giggled a little, basking in the man’s affection. “It’s so crazy, just six days ago you put a gun to my head after I shot at you,” Carl mumbled.

Negan nodded to Carl’s words, just holding the boy and enjoying the closeness. Geez though. Had it really only been six days? It seemed like it had been weeks. So much had happened. “Life is like that sometimes. You just gotta hang on and enjoy the ride.” Negan chuckled. “It is pretty crazy though. I’m glad it happened though. I’m glad I met you.”

The boy giggled. “But now I love you and we’re safe and you’re good and everything is good.” He kissed the man’s jaw. “I wanna be held when I watch the tapes...” he pouted. “But I’ll settle for watching alone and then taking a bath with you?”

Negan loved the kisses from Carl. They made him feel assured that Carl really did love him. He rubbed his bearded cheek against Carl’s before leaning back. He placed a hand on Carl’s head and smoothed his hair back. “That sounds good,” he said. “I’m sorry I can’t watch them with you. Hold one of my pillows if you need to, and know that I’m waiting for you right here when you need me.”

Carl nodded. “I’ll watch the shortest one and then we can cuddle and use the new soap?” he asked. “Maybe you can grab my throat and tell me to behave? Maybe you could make sure I know you’re in charge?” Carl giggled and kissed him again, and again and again before getting down to the man’s shoulder and nipping at it.

Negan hummed, liking the sound of that and liking the kisses Carl was peppering over him. “Oh, you’ll know who’s in charge.”  Then Carl nipped him. Negan gasped softly, shivering. “There are those biters you warned me about. Keep it up, kid. I’ll be buying you a muzzle instead of a collar,” Negan said, but there was no harshness to his words. He was even slightly leaning his head away to give Carl more access to his neck and shoulder area. “Go watch your tapes, Carl,” he said, patting Carl’s hip. “Come get me when it’s bath time.”

Carl nodded softly and kissed the little bite, giggling at the man’s fake threats before scampering off to watch the tapes. Carl quickly went through them all, looking at the time stamps, before finding the shortest one and plugging it in.

Negan watched Carl leave and waited a few minutes before he picked the gun up off the table and went over to one of the paintings hanging on the wall. He tugged on it, opening it like a door, revealing a safe behind it. It had a screen on it like the one on Rick’s cell door.

Negan turned his head, getting his neck close to the screen until it beeped, and then he typed in a four-digit code and the safe went  _ clunk _ as the lock dropped. Negan opened it, quickly stashing the gun and the bullets that had still been in his back pocket. He closed and locked it up, moved the painting back and then retook his seat on the couch, getting his phone out and looking up collars and ears.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and Carl take a bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of tortures involving bugs. Nothing too too bad though and only a quick mention.
> 
> Hope everyone is doing good! I bring you some fluff and a little smut :3
> 
> Enjoy!

It only took seven minutes for Carl to start sobbing. He felt disgusting and dirty and unclean. He frantically ran to the bathroom.  _ Fuck fuck fuck fuck. _ He went through the drawers trying to find anything he could use. He could see in the mirror nothing was on him, but he could feel them inside of him. He needed to get them off.

…

Negan placed his order, thanking God for the express shipping option, and put his phone down. It’d been a little while since Carl left. He’d said he would watch the shortest video, but Negan didn’t know how long that meant. He was starting to get worried. He’d been fine when Dwight was there with Carl, but now…

Negan stood and slowly made his way to his room. He knocked on the door. “Carl? Are you done yet? You ok?”

...

Carl couldn’t hear Negan. All he could hear were the bugs burrowing into his ears. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. They were in his nose and throat. He hiccuped, sobbing harder. He found mouthwash, toothpaste, extra shampoo but no bleach or anything.

...

When Carl didn’t answer, Negan immediately opened the door. He scanned the room, trying to avoid the TV, and noticed Carl was not on his bed, but there were noises coming from the bathroom. “Carl?” Negan called out, making his way over in a couple of very quick strides.

He found Carl rummaging through his drawers and sobbing his eye out.  _ Oh fuck _ . Negan, without hesitation, entered into the room and hugged Carl from behind, pulling the boy against him and backing away from the cabinet. “Carl, Carl, shh. I got you.” Negan didn’t know yet what state Carl was in, so he kept a firm hold on him as he tried to soothe him.

Carl continued to sob. “No! No! They’re all over me!” he screamed. “I need to get it out!” He sobbed. “They’re inside of me.” He tried shaking the man off, grabbing the Listerine bottle.  “I need to get them out!” He opened the bottle frantically.

Negan let go of Carl with one arm and smacked the mouthwash out of the boy’s hands. “Stop it, Carl! There’s nothing wrong! There’s nothing in you!” Negan pulled Carl back another step, rewrapping his arm around him. “Carl, listen to me! Breathe!”

“No, no, no I can’t they’re in my throat!” he cried. “That was my only hope! They’re gonna eat me!” He elbowed and kicked at Negan. He was hyperventilating. “No, no, noooooo,” he sobbed. “Negan help please!”

“Carl, I’m trying. You need to listen to me! Nothing is in you. Calm down! Breathe slow!” It was obvious his words weren’t getting him anywhere. Negan did the only thing he could think of in that moment, not even debating with himself whether it was a good idea or not. He quickly wrapped a hand around the front of Carl’s throat and squeezed. The boy continued to sob, his throat straining against the man’s hand. “Stop,” Negan growled deeply into Carl’s ear.

Shaking, Carl heard the man’s voice. It was deeper than Rick’s, so it cut through the memory like a hot knife through butter. Carl was still wide-eyed, full to the brim with tears, looking up at Negan with sweet Bambi eyes. He seemed like a deer in headlights. The sobbing stopped almost immediately. His hands wrapped around Negan’s wrist as he continued to tremble. He wasn’t done panicking yet, still feeling gross and unclean but he was no longer trapped in that glass box covered in bugs.

Negan panted as he watched Carl calm down like someone had flipped a switch in him. He searched that blue eye of his, trying to see if he was alright now. Negan let his hand around Carl’s throat relax, but he left it there, just touching Carl. He didn’t let go of him all the way yet, keeping the boy pressed against him.

“Carl? Are you ok?” Negan asked. 

Carl panted too, blushing. “I can feel them on me still. I feel so dirty,” he said sniffling nervously. “Please Negan.” He hiccuped. His pulse could be felt in the man’s hand.

“Shh, shh,” Negan kissed Carl’s forehead. “You’re ok now. I’m here. Come on. Let’s take that bath, hmm? Use your new soap? Maybe a bath bomb?” he spoke softly, gently. Moving his hand up from Carl’s throat to his hair, brushing it out of his face and petting it down the side of his head. “Does that sound good?”

The boy nodded a little. He felt so itchy and squirmy. Why could he still feel them? He sniffled looking away from the man now that the hand on his neck was gone. It wouldn’t bruise like last time but it’d leave a solid red handprint on his pale skin.

“Alright, come on.” Negan picked Carl up and walked over to the large tub that was on the opposite side of the room as the shower. It was almost like a mini hot tub, definitely big enough for two adults, and had little jets all around the walls.

Negan sat Carl down on the edge of the tub and moved over to turn the water on, keeping a hand on the boy’s waist as a source of stability. He checked the temperature with his free hand and when it was good to fill the tub with he plugged the drain. He turned to Carl and tugged on the hem of his sweater. “You want me to come in with you or stay out here?”

“You can do what you want.” Carl blushed more, shaking a little. He was calm now but still a little shaken up. “Thank you Negan… I’m sorry,” he said feeling embarrassed. “That’s never happened before. I don’t know.”

Negan knelt down next to Carl. “It’s alright, Carl. You didn’t know. What matters is that you’re ok,” Negan said, rubbing Carl’s knee softly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I should have been.” Carl hadn’t seemed phased after watching with Dwight, so Negan hadn’t been expecting this kind of reaction, but he should have. He should have.

Negan ran his hand down Carl’s bare calf and looked up at him. “I'd like to be in the bath with you if you’re comfortable with that. I want to hold you and wash you.” He placed a soft kiss to Carl’s jaw.

The boy hiccuped a little as he started to calm down. He’d never had that type of reaction before. “Okay.” He smiled and rubbed the man’s bicep. “You don’t have to watch with me, it’s okay.”

Negan kissed Carl’s cheek. “Thank you. Now come on. Get undressed and get in. The tub will stop filling automatically when it’s full. Where did you put your new soaps?” Negan asked, looking around the bathroom. The Listerine bottle he had knocked from Carl’s hand had spilled about half its contents on the floor near the mirror, but Negan ignored it. That was a problem for later.

Carl nodded softly, blushing. “Okay, um, I think it's on the dresser, in your room,” he said before getting up on shaky legs and unbuttoning his skirt, letting it fall to the floor, waiting for the man to leave before taking his shirt off. He had scratches all over from scratching during the film.

Negan went back into his room and quickly turned the TV off. It was showing static at this point, but he hated the noise of it. He made his way to his dresser, finding the bag from Lush. Picking it up, Negan looked inside and breathed in. It all smelled so good. He was so excited. Hopefully, this would help Carl calm down and relax.

Negan made his way back into the bathroom just as the tub shut off. The water was the perfect temperature, and it would stay like that thanks to the tub’s temperature regulators.

The boy touched the water before taking off his boxers and stepping in. He shivered a little out of embarrassment. The water was perfect. “It feels good.” He smiled happily. “Come in,” he mumbled, curling up into the smallest ball he could, making sure there was space for Negan.

Negan smiled and set the bag down on the edge of the tub before stepping back and taking his socks off. His shirt was next, gripping it at the hem and lifting it up over his head. He unbuttoned his pants and slid them down his legs, stepping out of them, followed by his briefs.

He left his clothes in a pile on the floor and made his way to the tub, coming in one foot at a time, one on either side of Carl, and sinking slowly into the water. Though Carl was bracketed by Negan’s legs, the tub was large enough, and the boy small enough, that Negan wasn’t even touching him. Carl smiled, looking around, as Negan climbed in but didn’t touch him. Negan was too good for him. He was thinking of what Carl needed and Carl was so grateful.

“Ah! Perfect!” Negan said, hooking his arms over the side of the tub and tossing his head back, sighing.

“I’m sorry. It was just that video was at a really really bad time and I got scared thinking about all that other stuff...” Carl said.

Negan brought his head back up and looked at Carl. The way he was curled into himself broke Negan’s heart. “Don’t be sorry, Carl. It’s ok,” he said, softly. “Do you want to tell me about it, or no?” Negan wasn’t sure if Carl would want to get it out or just ignore it.

Carl smiled a little. “Are you sure?” he asked blushing. “I don’t wanna make you upset...” he sniffled a little. “I keep thinking about a game that my dad had us play. It was called the quiet game.”

Negan sat up straighter and moved his arms off the edge of the tub to rest his hands on his knees, palms towards Carl. It was an invitation to come closer and cuddle, but also a respectful ‘I understand if you don’t want to’. He nodded at Carl’s words, showing he was listening and wanted the boy to continue.

Carl sniffed a little as he leaned back, resting his back to the man’s chest. “Daddy made me play the quiet game after I wouldn’t stop crying because of the bug box,” he said. He moved in such a way that pushed his back further into the man’s chest but made sure his backside wasn’t against the other’s dick.

Negan kissed Carl’s head as he leaned against him. “What was the bug box?” he asked quietly. Negan scooped up water and softly spilled it onto Carl’s shoulders, over and over. Just repeating the motion.

“This glass box with some cuffs in it to keep you down and he’d open this thing in your mouth to keep it open and then he’d pour buckets of these bugs in with you. They’d get in your nose and mouth and all over and you couldn’t stop them from going in your throat...”

Negan grimaced. Maybe he was sorry he asked. He kept pouring the water over Carl, letting it drip down his chest. “And… what was the quiet game?”

“Well, it starts were he puts this thing in your mouth. It’s super heavy, like thirty pounds on your head, and it’s set to this microphone and you have two people playing at the same time. They can see each other but not touch, and if you make a sound it opens and it rips your jaw off. The game doesn’t end until someone makes a sound.”

Negan stopped his movements. His hands shook slightly under the water. “Holy shit…” He rested his cheek softly on Carl’s head. “That sounds horrible. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I just, he-” He licked his lips nervously. “Before I left to see you, Judith played the game because she wouldn’t stop crying and that's why I get anxious when she cries.”

“Oh, babe,” Negan whispered, kissing Carl’s head and nuzzling into it. He crossed his arms over the boy’s chest, pulling him closer. “It’s alright now. I know it’s hard to let go of those anxious feelings, but you’re safe. Judith is safe. Nothing like that is going to happen again.”

Carl nodded a little and cuddled back into the man more. “I know… I just... every time she cries, I panic and wanna put my hand over her mouth until she stops. I know that’s bad because I could hurt her, but she scares me.”

Negan nodded against Carl’s head. “That’s understandable, but at least you recognize that. It’ll take some time, but you’ll get better about it. I know you will.” He tilted his head down and kissed Carl’s neck. His hand had left a red mark across the front of it, and Negan couldn’t help but feel bad about it. He didn’t like hurting the boy, even if it was in an attempt to help him.

Carl leaned down and kissed the man’s hand. “Thank you Negan,” he whispered. “Can we try a bath bomb now?” He smiled. “I really wanna,” Carl said with a little smile.

Negan smiled at the kiss and nodded. “Yeah, the bag is there. Pick whichever one you want and drop it in.” Negan pointed towards the bag still sitting on the edge of the tub. He dropped his arms and stretched his legs out, giving Carl space to move over to it. “Might wanna wipe your hand off on a towel before reaching in there though.” The towels were hanging right next to the tub, easily in reach.

Carl nodded and smiled, reaching out and drying his hands on the warm fluffy towel before reaching for the white bath bomb with flowers in it. “What is this? What? It's so powdery now that it’s out the package? What’s it made out of?” he asked, cocking his head and not dropping it in yet.

Negan huffed a laugh. “It’s like pressed baking soda or something mixed with fragrances and oils and stuff. It’s gonna dissolve and bubble in the water,” Negan explained as best he could. He gestured for Carl to come back to him. “Come here. Sit with me, and drop it in.”

He smiled, seating himself back between Negan’s legs with a small smile before dropping it in. “Oh my god!” It fizzled up with amazing scents, fogging the water and dying it a light pink color. Carl bounced a bit as whole rehydrated roses rose to the top.

Negan smiled and hooked his chin over Carl’s shoulder, watching the bomb fizzle and the flowers start to float around them. He wrapped his arms loosely around Carl’s waist, tracing circles on the boy’s thigh. “That is pretty cool, huh? I’ve never seen one of the flower ones before. I’m impressed.” Negan inhaled deeply, smelling the wonderful, floral aroma, letting his shoulders fall with his exhale. Relaxing.

Carl smiled and picked the bomb up out of the water, giggling, feeling it fizz in his hands. “It feels so weird,” he said and put it down back in the water. “I love it, the flowers are so pretty.” He smiled.

Negan giggled with Carl. He liked experiencing this with Carl. It was nice. “Not as pretty as you,” Negan said, turning his head and kissing Carl’s neck with another small laugh.

Carl smiled and giggled a little, leaning back so his head was on the man’s shoulder, kissing Negan softly.

Negan kissed back, gentle, humming softly. Carl’s lips were perfect. Negan could kiss him forever. He let his fingers spread out around the sides of Carl’s thighs under the water, stroking and massaging them lightly.

Carl whined against the man's lips, purring happily as he cuddled into him. “I love you,” he mumbled.

“I love you more,” Negan said, smiling against Carl’s lips. He let his tongue poke out and slide softly over Carl’s bottom lip. Carl opened his lips for the man.  _ Fast learner _ , Negan thought as Carl opened up for him. He let his tongue softly venture into Carl’s mouth, running along the boy’s, coaxing him to copy.

Carl shyly slipped his tongue between the man’s teeth. Carl whined a little as he felt the man on his thighs, the touch finally getting to him in a good way.

Negan moaned lightly as Carl’s tongue reciprocated. He let the boy explore his mouth, swallowing his whine down. Negan’s hands trailed lower along the sides of Carl’s thighs, and he pulled Carl closer to him, pressing his stomach against the boy’s back.

Carl whimpered as Negan continued, not knowing what to do with his hands. He loved being in the man’s grip. “I can’t wait to be a kitty.” He pulled away a little.

Negan shivered at Carl’s words, trailing kisses to his cheek. “Mmm, I can’t wait either. I ordered some stuff while you were watching your film. I think you’re gonna like it all,” Negan said, leaning back and smiling at Carl. Just imagining the boy in the items he order was making a blush rise to Negan’s face.

Carl smiled and cuddled into him. “How long will it be before it gets here?” he asked with a mini pout.

Negan grinned and pecked those pouty lips. “Tomorrow,” he growled softly, wrapping his arms around Carl’s stomach and giving a light squeeze. Carl let out a little whine when the man growled. It was one of the hottest things ever.

Negan growled again at the whine Carl let out, trailing his lips down Carl’s neck and nibbling into the skin at the junction of his shoulder and throat. “It will probably arrive once we’re back from the doctor’s,” Negan said, voice low. “If you behave yourself while we’re there, I’ll let you open the box first thing when we get back.” Negan placed his hand, palm open, onto Carl’s stomach and ran it up to his chest, just touching Carl as much as he could. “Does that sound like a deal?” Negan asked into Carl’s ear.

Carl whined more, squirming on the man's lap, practically crying. “Negan!” he whined before making a little huff. “Okay...” he nuzzled himself under the man’s chin.

“I’m holding you to that,” Negan said, kissing the top of Carl’s head. He let his hand travel over Carl’s chest, skimming across one of his nipples, before dipping back down to his stomach. “Be good, or I’m hiding the package for a week.”

“No! Not fair!” Carl huffed more. “Please, Negan,” he whimpered, rubbing against the man’s chest.

“What do you mean? That’s a pretty fair deal,” Negan said, chuckling. He shifted slightly, bending his knees up a couple of inches. Negan could feel himself getting hard from Carl’s reactions, and he wasn’t sure how the boy was going to like feeling  _ that _ pressed against his back. He wasn’t against him yet, but if Carl got any closer… “Do you think you won’t behave at the doctor? Because that’s all you have to do.”

Carl whimpered. “No, the doctors are scary.” He huffed. “What counts as being good?”

“Hmm.” Negan thought as he trailed his hands up Carl’s thighs again. God, he just loved touching the boy. “Listen to the doctor when he is talking to you, answer any questions he has in a nice tone, don’t yell at him or fight with him or  _ attack _ him,” Negan squeezed at Carl’s legs to emphasize the last point. “Not so hard, right?”

Carl whimpered. “Fine, no promises, but I’ll try,” he said, cuddling back into the man's chest. Suddenly be stiffened up and sucked in a breath. He could feel Negan’s cock against him.

Negan jerked and groaned lightly as Carl backed into him. “F-fuck…” His hands stilled on the boy as he froze. He swallowed thickly. It was taking all of his strength not to buck against Carl right now. The boy was so soft and warm and  _ right there _ . “C-Carl…” Negan breathed, not sure how the boy felt about this or what he wanted to do.

Carl started whimpering anxiously. He didn’t know how to feel. He closed his eyes. He was mildly freaking out. “Negan… is that your... thing?” he asked shakily.

Negan let out a shaky breath and tilted his head back slightly. “Y-yeah, Carl. S-scoot forward if you don’t- don’t like it,” he said. He bit his bottom lip. Carl could act and talk all coy and teasingly when it was about him, but suddenly faced with Negan’s arousal and Carl couldn’t even say ‘cock’. “You don’t have to do anything about it. It’s ok. I-I just got...a little excited.”

Carl felt dirty. He scooted a little forward, blushing more. “Thank you...” He blushed a little. “I’m sorry Negan.”

Negan whimpered ever so softly as Carl pulled away. He took a deep breath and let it out slow, trying to will his hardness to go down. “It’s ok,” he said softly. “It was my fault. I was riling you up which then riled me up. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He chuckled lightly, running a hand down his face. God, he was an idiot. He should have known something like this was bound to happen. He leaned forward to place a light kiss to the back of Carl’s neck. “Would you like me to leave? It’s ok if you do.”

Carl shook his head more, whimpering a little. “No don’t leave me, it’s okay. It’s fine. I’m sorry I’m so weird,” he said scooting around to face Negan.

“You’re not weird, Carl…” Negan lifted his hand out of the water to touch Carl’s face softly.

“I can touch you if you want?” Carl said.

Negan bit at his bottom lip. He wanted to feel Carl’s hands on him so bad, just thinking about it was sending shivers up his spine and not helping his erection at all. He closed his eyes and sighed. “Carl, I want that so much, but please,  _ please _ , don’t touch me if  _ you _ don’t want to do it.” He opened his eyes again to look at Carl, studying his face.

Carl frowned a little. He didn’t know what to do. He felt like he was never gonna be ready to touch the man. It was never gonna be comfortable, so maybe if he did it it would get better. He really wanted to make Negan happy. “I wanna because I want you to feel good too,” he said putting his hand on Negan’s thigh.

Negan sucked in a quick breath at the touch on his thigh, pressing into it. His eyes flickered over Carl’s face, looking for any signs that he should stop this. The boy seemed nervous, but that was to be expected of anyone in this situation. Negan swallowed and nodded, smiling at the fact that Carl  _ wanted _ Negan to feel good. Carl wanted to do this for  _ him _ . “Ok, ok,” he breathed. “Do-do what you want. If you want to stop at any time, then stop. It’ll be ok.”

“No, that's a dick move,” Carl mumbled, leaning over and rubbing Negan’s large cock. As soon as he touched it, it freaked him out but he just looked away from it, staring at one of the flowers in the bath. He continued to palm at it, waiting for the man to start moaning.

Negan gasped as Carl touched him, groaning. It was an inexperienced touch, that was for sure, but it was doing the job. He frowned as Carl looked away. If he wasn’t comfortable doing this, Negan was going to beat himself so badly about it afterward. “Carl, look at me, please,” Negan panted, touching Carl’s cheek to turn his face towards Negan’s. He wanted to look into Carl’s bright blue eye. He wanted Carl to see  _ his _ face.

Carl fought on it for a minute before he turned to look at Negan’s eyes. As long as he didn’t see his cock he was fine. He smiled a little, seeing the man was happy. That's all he wanted. He didn’t want this to be a one-sided relationship. He didn’t want Negan to feel like he had to take care of him all the time.

Negan smiled at Carl and leaned forward to rest his forehead against the other’s. “Hi,” he said, chuckling, licking his lips. He bucked just a little bit into Carl’s hand, looking for the friction that the boy just wasn’t giving him.

The boy whimpered a little. “Negan.” He pecked him a little, blushing more. He flinched when the man bucked up, but slowly gripped Negan’s cock, squeezing a little.

Negan’s breath stuttered as Carl wrapped his hand around him. He closed his eyes, keeping his forehead pressed to Carl’s. “That’s good. That’s so good,” he panted, reaching up to place his hands on Carl’s cheeks.

Carl squeezed it again and rubbed against him. He was happy he was doing a good job.

Negan huffed out soft noises as Carl moved his hand. It was good, but it wasn’t enough. He opened his eyes, his pupils blown wide in arousal. “F-faster, Carl. Please,” he groaned, his hips lifting slightly.

Carl slowly overcame the feeling of fear in his gut when he saw Negan’s reaction. The man was literally withering under his hand. He had nothing to fear. He was the one in control of the situation. He started beating his hand fast on Negan’s shaft, waiting for him to bust.

“Fuck, kid!” Negan moaned out, his toes curling as Carl sped up. “Fuck, fuck…” He tossed his head back, breathing hard, growling low in his throat. Shit, he was not going to last long at all. He hadn’t gotten off in so long, but Carl was intoxicating and was doing him in real fast.

Carl suddenly stopped, still gripping Negan’s cock and looking into his eyes to wait for a reaction. This was a 100% a power move, but he didn't even know it.

Negan keened deep in his throat, his entire body shaking.  _ What? Why? _ He looked at the boy. He didn’t look like anything was wrong. “C-Carl, please. I’m so close, Carl. God, fuck…” Negan canted his hips, trying to fuck into Carl’s hand, his head falling to Carl’s shoulder. “P-please, Carl.”

Carl smiled. Good reaction. Demanding nothing, begging for something. He started off again, jerking his hands faster and faster, working back up to the pace he was at before.

Negan kissed at Carl’s neck, silently thanking him, as a low moan escaped him. He was so close, so close… He raised his head back up and nosed at Carl’s cheek. “Carl, I’m… I’m…” He pushed his hands from Carl’s face into the boy’s hair gripping lightly and turning Carl’s head to press their lips together in a firm kiss. Carl squeaked, squeezing the mans cock just a little harder as he was grabbed and kissed by the man.

That was all it took for Negan to break from the kiss with a gasp, a deep whining growl drawn from his throat, shaking as his orgasm ripped through him. His hands tightened in Carl’s hair, and Negan came hard into the water, thinking somewhere in the back of his mind that they’d have to get out soon or else they’d be soaking in his cum, but it wasn’t on the forefront of his mind.

He panted hard, looking into Carl’s eye, releasing his hold on his hair and bringing his hands back to Carl’s face. He pressed their foreheads together again, trying to catch his breath. The boy was blushing again. He was a lot more comfortable now, glad he finally touched the other. 

Carl looked into Negan’s eyes. “Was that good? I did good?” He smiled. “I only wanna please you, Sir.” He pecked his lips.

Negan nodded, smiling, beaming. “Yes, yes,” he breathed, pecking Carl back, and putting a few kisses on his cheeks too. “Yes, that was  _ fantastic _ . Very good. Thank you.” Negan felt more relaxed than he had in years. He nuzzled Carl’s hair. “Thank you.”

Carl smiled and nuzzled into the man’s chest. “I love this,” he said, before shivering a little.

Negan wrapped his arms around Carl’s shoulders and pulled him close. “I love  _ you _ ,” he said, chuckling. He hummed as he held Carl, still coming down from his endorphin high. He looked down at the tub with the flowers floating around them. It was really quite a scene. If only he had candles. Carl slowly got onto the man’s lap, hugging around his shoulders. God, he really loved being held.

Negan rubbed Carl’s back as the boy moved closer, hooking his chin over Carl’s shoulder. He kissed anywhere he could reach softly, slowly. Trailing a hand up, he carded his fingers through Carl’s hair. “You ready to get out, babe? We kind of… dirtied up the water,” Negan asked, looking at the tub with a slight frown.

Carl nodded softly although he didn’t move from his new spot on Negan’s lap. He wanted to be held now. He was cold.

“Alright, up we go. Wrap your legs around my waist when I get up, alright?” Negan said quietly, wrapping an arm securely around Carl and using the other to brace against the side of the tub and stand up. 

Carl did as he was told, wrapping his arms and legs around the man tightly as he got up. He squeezed more, scared of being dropped.

Negan hit the drain button as he got out, grabbing the biggest towel off the rack and wrapping it around the both of them, holding it while also holding Carl to him. He moved into his bedroom, sitting down on the edge of the bed, rubbing the towel over Carl’s wet skin. “Did you have a good time?” Negan asked.

Carl buried his face in the man’s neck as they went to the bedroom and sat down. “Yes, I’m very sleepy now.”

Negan chuckled.  _ He _ was the one who was sleepy. After that orgasm, all he wanted to do was pass out. “I am too. Come on, you stay here, I’ll get you some pajamas and we can sleep, hmm?” He pushed gently at Carl, trying to get the little spider monkey off him for two seconds.

Carl nodded softly and slowly climbed off the man’s lap onto the plush comforter on the large king sized bed.

Negan stood, taking the towel with him, and quickly found a pair of shorts and a t-shirt for Carl to wear. Both would be huge on the boy, but it would work. He pulled on a pair of briefs and a t-shirt himself before walking back to the bed and handing the clothes to Carl. “Here you go, love.”

When Negan turned around to hand the clothes to Carl, the boy had somehow found his way under the covers and was dead asleep. Negan snorted and shook his head. He could manhandle Carl and dress him, or he could just let him sleep in the buff. He sighed and tossed the clothes to the end of the bed, turning off the light and sliding under the covers next to Carl. He pulled the boy close to him, wrapping himself around him, and kissed his head. “Good night, Carl.”

“G’night,” Carl said back, quickly worming his way closer to Negan and resting his head against Negan’s chest. They fell asleep not long after.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the doctor goes just as smoothly as you'd think it might.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope you're doing alright! Enjoy this chapter, and leave us a comment if you get a second~

The next morning the boy woke up against Negan, yawning a bit, pushing his hands against Negan’s chest to pick himself up like a cat.

Negan made a soft noise as he was awakened by Carl’s movements. Was it morning already? Negan didn’t want to get up. Wrapping his arms around Carl, he pulled the boy back down and pressed against him, nuzzling into his hair. “Mmm, g’morning,” he mumbled.

Carl whimpered when he was pulled down. “Good morning.” He whined more, squirming. “Time to get up.” He started pushing again.

Negan shook his head and whined himself. “Nooo…” He was  _ not _ a morning person. “I don’t wanna.” He hugged Carl closer, trailing his hand down to the boy’s lower back.

The boy whined more, unable to fight the man even when he was half asleep. “Negan...” he said nuzzling into his neck.

Negan chuckled, relaxing as Carl nuzzled him. He trailed his palm up and down Carl’s back, loving the feeling of his smooth skin. “You’re so warm, babe. I don’t wanna let you go.”

“Okay, but- don't we wanna do things? Like get dressed?” Carl asked with a mini purr.

Negan ran his hand down Carl’s side all the way to his thigh, squeezing it. “Mmm, I don’t know. I like you like this,” he purred back. He knew they would have to get up eventually. Get some food. Go to the doctor. But a few more minutes relaxing in bed wouldn’t hurt.

Carl cuddled into Negan’s chest. “My thighs are too big, Negan.” He blushed a little.

“Carl, please. I can practically fit my whole hand round them,” Negan said, spreading out his fingers and measuring Carl’s thigh with them. He picked up Carl’s leg and hooked it up over his own waist. “That’s too small, Carl. I shouldn’t be able to do that.” Using the hand not on Carl’s leg, he tilted Carl’s face up to look at him. “Carl, nothing about you is too big.”

Carl leaned up and kissed the man, purring. “Whatever,” he whispered. “My tummy feels weird.” He sighed.

Negan frowned, leaning in to kiss Carl back. “The same way it felt last night?” he asked. He hoped Carl wasn’t getting sick. At least they were going to the doctor today.

Carl nodded a little, cuddling into Negan. “What are we gonna do now?” he asked.

Negan sighed, caressing Carl’s leg. “Well, since you’re so eager to get up, I guess we can do that, get some breakfast, and head out to the doctor, hmm? Get it out of the way early and then do something fun afterward, how’s that sound?”

“Yeah, let’s do that.” Carl smiled a little, looking up at Negan.  “Can I have an English muffin and berries?” he asked.

“Of course,” Negan said, kissing Carl’s forehead. He patted the boy’s thigh. “Alright, get going then. I’ll follow.”

Carl nodded and unfurled himself from Negan. He slowly got out of the bed and went over to where their clothes were.

Negan watched Carl, drinking in the sight of him. Though the skinniness concerned Negan like nothing else, the boy was still beautiful and Negan felt lucky to be trusted by him. He looked away to grab his phone and order up some breakfast before standing up from the bed and stretching.

He made his way to his closet, grabbing a pair of dark jeans and a flannel shirt that he put on over the t-shirt he had worn to bed. He left the buttons undone and rolled up the sleeves. He pulled on some boots, sitting down on his bed to lace them up.

Carl looked into the bag of new clothes, looking through them before settling on a pastel-colored sweatshirt and some sweatpant-esque leggings. Carl wiggled them on before slipping on the sweatshirt hoodie, looking over at Negan. “Look good?”

Negan looked up at Carl, examining his outfit and nodding. “Very,” he said smiling. He moved to the door, holding his hand out. “Ready to go?” Carl nodded and scampered over to the door, heading to the kitchen for breakfast.

Negan followed Carl, finding out that Judith was already up and watching cartoons as Daryl made coffee. Negan waved at Daryl as he eyed the coffee hungrily. “Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked Daryl, moving towards Judith to pat her on the head in greeting. Judith smiled happily, dressed and bathed for the day. 

“A lot better,” Daryl muttered, putting a small shot into his black coffee before drinking.

Negan snorted as he watched Daryl. “Well, that’s good. You gonna go with us on our adventure to the doctor again?”

“I thought I might look around,” he said. Carl sat down next to Judith to watch cartoons.

Negan nodded and went over to him, grabbing his own mug and filling it with coffee. “That’s fine. I’ll have a visitor pass sent up for you when we leave so that the elevator will work for you. I really need to get you guys chipped…” He said the last line more to himself. Daryl nodded, sipping his drink as he eyed the kids.

Breakfast arrived, a cart with Carl’s request amongst other things. Carl was too busy watching the TV to even notice the cart. He really liked what was on.

Negan took a sip of his coffee before heading over and making up a plate for Carl and Judith, placing Carl’s directly on his lap so he couldn’t ignore it. He sat on the arm of the couch next to Judith, handing her small bits of food at a time, eating off of her plate as well.

Judith happily took the food from Negan’s hand, munching on it. Carl looked at the food and smiled a bit. He was grateful the man got it for him but it didn’t make this process any less awkward. He started with the English muffin.

Negan watched as Carl ate at his muffin, relaxing slightly. He was worrying over what Carters was going to say to him with the whole tube thing. Negan honestly wished they could just knock the boy out and pump him full of nutrients, get him to a healthy weight, and then wake him up. But he knew that wasn’t an option; not one Carl would agree to anyway.

Negan sighed, handing more food to Judith as she ate. At least  _ she _ ate. That was one less worry on Negan’s mind. Judith looked over at the plate and reached up to grab a piece of chocolate muffin. She ate it, crumbling it everywhere as she watched the cartoons. Negan chuckled at the mess Judith was making. He reached down, picking up the bigger pieces, eating them, and brushing the smaller crumbs onto the floor. They’d be vacuumed up later, it was fine. He patted Judith’s head fondly.

Carl suddenly looked a bit angry at the TV screen, something Negan noticed when he glanced over at him. Negan looked over at the TV, wondering what was going on, but soon Carl’s expression softened and he started to eat a little bit of the eggs put on his plate. Negan’s eyebrows furrowed when he couldn’t seem to find anything wrong and Carl had relaxed again.

“Papa, I want,” Judith whined, trying to reach a cup of juice on the table.

Negan picked up the juice Judith asked for and helped hold the glass while she drank from it, glowing at her calling him ‘papa’. It was really growing on him. “Here you go, dear.” She smiled and held around his hands, drinking from it before pushing at his hands to stop, pulling away.

“Thank you.” She beamed.

“You’re very welcome, Judith,” Negan said, kissing her on the head. He was always so impressed with her manners. He held out a piece of bacon to her. She didn’t take it this time. She ate it from his hands, smiling up at him happily. Negan laughed, grinning at her. “You’re too cute, Judy-bug.” She giggled happily and looked over back to the TV.

Carl was messing with Kilot again, and Negan looked over as the kitten started crying. He shook his head. “Carl, he just might not like being picked up. Why don’t you try another one?”

“No! This one’s mine and he will like me!” he said. He laid down and put the kitten on his chest. It took two minutes but the kitten finally stopped screaming.

“Jesus, kid,” Negan said under his breath. At least the kitten seemed to calm down finally. Negan felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He fished it out and saw a reminder text from Gina about the doctor. He gave confirmation and put his phone back. He waited a few moments, letting Judith watch till a commercial came on and letting Carl play with Kilot. “Alright, you guys ready to go?”

“Yea,” Carl muttered, slowly putting the kitten back in the box. 

“Go where?” Judith asked confused. No one had told her about the plan. 

“We’re going to see the doctor again,” he explained to her. “He’s just gonna ask you some questions and give you a quick checkup. Nothing more.” He petted her head. He didn’t know exactly what Judith needed to get done, but it couldn’t be much. She had less going on than Carl did.

She nodded and cuddled into Negan’s leg. She liked being close to him. “Is bubba gonna get upset again?” she asked quietly as Carl left to go grab his jacket.

Negan picked Judith up and stood. “I hope not, Judy. He promised me he’d try to be good and not get upset, but the doctor might tell him things he doesn’t want to hear.” He kissed her temple. “But don’t worry, everything is to try to help him get better.”

She nodded and cuddled into the man’s side. “Papa, I have to peepee,” she whimpered.

Carl came back over. “All ready.”

Negan looked between the two. “Alright, alright. Two seconds, Carl, pee break,” Negan said, and carried Judith to the bathroom, setting her down once they got there. “You need my help?” he asked, not thinking she did since he’d watched her pretty much do it herself at the mall, but still offering.

She shook her head and pulled off her leggings, sitting on the toilet. She did her business before hopping off, flushing and pulling up her leggings. She smiled up at him.

“Ah, you’re so good, Judith. Way to go,” he praised, before picking her up, helping her wash her hands, and walking back to the living room.

“Ok, ready?” he looked to Carl.

Carl nodded happilyy. “Yeah, let's go,” he said, smiling. Judith held Negan’s hand as they walked out.

…

Negan carried Judith as he led the way into the hospital, keeping Carl close to him. It was pretty quiet with only a few people milling around in the open area. The sound of keyboards tapping and soft music filled the air. Negan walked up to the reception desk and showed his ID. “Here for Carters. Let him know, yeah?” he said, flashing a smile at the woman behind the counter.

The woman smiled, about to say something sassy back, when Tate suddenly rushed in, gun drawn but not pointed. He was helping a girl about his age to walk. She was holding her side, blood leaking through her fingers and running down her legs. Another boy around the same age came in directly after them. “We need a doctor!” he yelled.

Carl turned around, his mouth falling open. “Tate? Enid?” He gawked.

Negan whipped around and stared at the group rushing in, then stared at Carl for  _ knowing who it was _ , then stared back at the group. “Holy shit…” Negan turned back around to the receptionist. “Call the ER staff,  _ now _ .” 

The receptionist frantically punched in the numbers. “Ye,s yes, this is the entrance to Med Bay One. We have an emergency. White female, approximately twenty years old, with a possible gunshot wound,” she spoke, calmly but firmly into the phone.

The girl’s long brown hair was sticking to her face with sweat. She looked like she’d just ran a marathon and then shot. Tate looked over and saw Negan, his blue eyes widening a little, but Tate didn’t have time to interact with Negan now. His comrade was injured.

The boy that came in last was taller than the two of them. He looked more “like a man”. He was adult-sized, even though he still had a youthful lankiness about him. “Babe, you’re gonna be fine. Just don’t fall asleep,” he said, rushing to Enid’s side.

Negan looked back at the group once the emergency team was called. He debated with himself whether or not he should go help, but it took only a second for him to decide. The deal he’d made with Tate aside, Negan knew he couldn’t ignore injured children. “Carl, take Judith and stick close,” Negan said, handing Judith to her brother and walking towards the trio.

His hands flashed quickly as he made eye contact with Tate and signed while speaking, “What happened?!” If this happened whilst his men were on watch, were his men ok? Who were they up against? “And put the goddamn gun away,” he hissed sharply, signing quickly as he got within a couple feet of them. They were already drawing attention and they didn’t need anymore.

Tate couldn’t sign back because he was holding the girl and he didn’t let go of the gun that was shaking in his tight grip. The other boy started to talk, and, not knowing Negan had made a deal with Tate, he quickly made up a lie. “It was a drive-by. We were just chilling at the park when this car pulled up and started firing!” he exclaimed. As he turned to grab the girl’s other side, a tattoo on his neck was visible. It was an upside-down cross with thorns woven around it.

Carl held Judith to him closely, watching the scene. That was Enid… Enid was here, alive, he thought to himself whilst bouncing Judith, who was also very anxious.

Negan rolled his eyes at the taller boy. “You think I’m an idiot, kid? Save the story for the medics on their way,” he scoffed. “And put some pressure on that wound, Jesus. You want her to bleed out before the ER team gets here?” Negan knelt down in front of the girl and actually lifted the taller boy’s hand up and placed it down over the bleeding wound, pressing hard against it. The girl cried out loudly when the boy’s hand made contact with her side; the only sign that she was awake. She was swaying a bit; without the boys holding her up she would have fallen over by now.

Negan reached up and brushed the girl’s hair back from her face. “Hey? Hey? You awake under there?” God, she couldn’t have been much older than Carl. What were these kids getting themselves into? 

Within a few seconds, four people in scrubs rushed in with a gurney, hurrying over to the group. “Everyone move,” one said, pushing them all away so his team could lift the girl on to the gurney. The blood soaking into her jeans between her legs was much more visible now.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” the taller boy said, whimpering nervously and running his hand through his hair.

“She’s gonna be fine,” Tate said, but suddenly the other boy turned and tackled him to the ground, hands on Tate’s throat.

“No, she’s not gonna be fucking fine!” he yelled squeezing Tate’s throat. “This is all your fault!”

Negan had moved back when the medics arrived, but when the taller boy jumped on Tate he moved right back in. “Hey! Back the fuck up. Now!” Negan placed his foot against the boy’s side and gave a solid push, trying to throw him sideways off Tate. 

The push only sent the boys into a half-roll, so that Tate was then on top of the other boy. “I didn’t do anything wrong!” Tate yelled back before getting off of the other boy who was still on the floor. “I help people! You’re the drug addict scum that got in the way. You weren’t at your post so she got shot! This is on you!”

Carl watched from afar and nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a warm hand press onto his upper back between his shoulder blades.

“Hi Carl, you ready to go upstairs?” Doctor Carters asked. The man was doing his best to avoid looking at the boys making a scene. He was not an emergency trauma expert. He was a long-term health professional who dealt with the mental and physical health of soldiers and POW’s. Not two teenagers clawing at each other on the tile floor of the hospital. Plus, it looked like Negan was handling it.

Negan reached and grabbed the back of Tate’s shirt, pulling him away from the boy on the ground. “Would you two STOP,” he held an open palm up in front of Tate, “for two seconds?! You’re in  _ my _ fucking hospital, and I  _ will _ call security on your ass.” He pointed to the boy on the floor. “And get you detained until your friend is released. Is that what you want? Either shape up or get out.” Negan was not having any of this today. This was supposed to be a nice visit with Carters and then going back home. He did not want to have to deal with homicidal teen angst today.

The taller boy got up off the floor, glaring at Tate, who couldn’t see him since Negan stood between them, blocking his view. A nurse saw the commotion and came over quickly.  “How about I take you two to the cafe to get you out of the waiting room?” she asked calmly. Tate nodded but the other was a bit more resistant.

Carl pressed Judith’s head against his neck, watching. Should he just go with the doctor or call out to Negan? His internal debate was interrupted by Carters ushering him towards the elevator.

“The receptionist will tell him we’re upstairs, let's go. I’ll get the dog and candy if you follow me?” Wow, if he wasn’t a doctor, and didn’t work for Negan, he would have sounded like a pedophile, Carl thought. With the promise of candy and the dog, Carl got into the elevator.

Negan looked between the two boys and the nurse. “Ma’am, if either of these boys gives you trouble, I’ll be up on Carters’ floor. Just ask for Negan and I’ll come right down,” he said before turning to look at both boys. “If you don’t go with her, you can come with me,” Negan said to the taller boy as if it was a threat, but signed it softly to Tate. Negan had seen Carters show up out of the corner of his eye, so he wasn’t concerned about Carl and Judith right now. They’d be in good hands whilst he got this sorted.

The taller boy rolled his eyes in a defeated teenage angst kind of way before stepping closer to the nurse in an I’ll-come-with-you gesture. “I’ll go with the nurse. Thank you though,” Tate signed to Negan with a slight sigh, looking up at the nurse who smiled.

“I’ll certainly call, but I doubt I’ll need to,” she said smiling. “But thank you, sir, have a good day.” She turned to the boys. “Follow me please.” She started to walk. 

“My pleasure,” Negan called after the nurse as they walked away. Negan crossed his arms over his chest and huffed. Oh, this was not the end of whatever that was. He knew that for sure.

Turning, Negan noticed that Carl and Judith weren’t where he’d left them, and he watched the elevator doors close and start heading up.  _ Damn. _ He’d been so close. Negan sighed and walked to the elevator, pressing the button and tapping his foot, waiting for it to drop off its current occupants so it could come back down and get him.

Carters put the two in two separate rooms with the help of a nurse and the dog. He put Carl in an exam room. It was mostly cream-colored with a few toys like blocks, as well as stress balls, and weighted blankets. Carters set Judith up in a large play area waiting room with games, a TV, stuffed animals, and other things.

Negan tapped his foot as the elevator rose.  _ Come on, come on... _ Finally, the doors opened and Negan stepped off, looking around for anyone. He walked down the hall, looking into the rooms as he passed.

The one closest to Negan had Judith in it and Negan stopped when he spotted her playing. She was holding a few dolls and action figures, trying to shove them into a little Jeep Wrangler.

Negan leaned against the doorway and smiled, watching her and trying not to laugh at the people being shoved head first into the toy car. He’d have to pick her up some toys soon. Or take her to a toy store and let her pick. Negan couldn’t help but want to spoil the girl so much. He wanted to buy her everything her heart desired. God, he was whipped by a toddler…and a teenager for that matter. Negan looked around the room through the window, but didn’t see Carl. He hummed. Carters must have split them up.

Judith continued to torment the toys until she got them to stick in the truck before making little  _ vroom vroom _ sounds, moving the car around. Afterward, she put it down and went over to look at the puzzle blocks and colorful shapes. 

Negan was smiling like an idiot at Judith. God, this was too cute.

Carters was walking down the hall with the dog when he spotted Negan. “Negan! Hey, glad you made it up. Who do you wanna be with first? Jack or Jill?” He laughed a little.

Negan looked over when he heard his name. “Tch, yeah. Finally,” he rolled his eyes. He chuckled at Carters’ play on words. “I’ll take Judith since I’m here already.”

“Okay, I’ll start with Carl then,” he said smiling. “Now is there anything you want to tell me? Something I should know or you want to know?”

Negan groaned and ran his hands down his face. “He fucking took the tube out of his nose, Carters. I looked away for one second and,” Negan mimed the action of pulling a tube out of his nose and looking incredulous at it. “He’s…sorta been eating more, but he still  _ thinks _ he’s ok, or even too big. He told me just this morning his thighs are too big.” Negan threw his hands up in exasperation.

“He also drank a lot more alcohol than I wanted him to that night after we left, but he didn’t throw up and didn’t have much of a hangover the next day. Uhh…” Negan felt like he needed to tell the doctor everything that had happened, just in case. He leaned in closer to Carters. “Also, I uh…gave him a blowjob and that went great. He enjoyed that. And then just yesterday he gave me a handjob, which he was really nervous at first, but by the end, he was into it…so, there’s that. Oh, he’s also been saying that his stomach feels weird since about last night.” Negan was just rambling at this point.

Carters nodded, taking it all in, thinking. “Okay good, good. Now is there anything you would like to know in the end? Like specifics?” he asked. Spot, the dog, was panting, looking up at Negan with his drooling tongue out. He was drawn to stressed people and Negan seemed very, very stressed.

Negan hummed, realizing that the dog was looking at him. He crouched down and rubbed at his furry cheeks, scratching behind his ears. “Umm…I don’t know. Just…I just want him to be ok. I want to know how to help him. I don’t…” Negan sighed, resting his forehead against the dog’s snout. “Is there something I should want to know?”

“No, I just always ask in case the patient’s kin asks later and I didn’t check.” He chuckled a little as Negan petted Spot. “So, the exam will be around two hours for Carl and one for Judith.”

Negan nodded. He was still racking his brain for anything specific to ask, and petting Spot. Gosh, this dog was so soft. Negan suddenly looked up at Carters. “OH! He’s also got these tapes from his dad. Horrible videos of his dad torturing people, Carl included. He’s been wanting to watch them, and so I let him with supervision and then without, which was stupid of me, I admit, and he had a reaction to it. I think he got too sucked into the film.” Negan bit his lip and looked back down, still rubbing at Spot.

“Well, yes, that was not very wise that you allowed him to watch those things, but in some ways, it may be positive that he had a reaction, even though it was negative. That may mean he is starting to become sensitive to what happened. It can be more worrying when people are desensitized to trauma.”

Negan nodded, releasing a breath. That made sense. That was good. He stood back up, giving Spot one last head pat. “Right, right. Um, I don’t know what else, doc. Just tell me what to do or where to go, and I’ll do it.”

“Okay, we’ll see how it goes,” the doctor said, going into the next room with the dog to see Carl. He had a thick stack of papers full of quizzes and questions for Carl, and he wanted to get started right away.

Negan went into the room Judith was in after watching Carters leave. He was so nervous, hoping everything would go alright. “Hey, Judy! Whatcha playing with there?” he asked as he got down on the floor and sat cross-legged next to the girl.

Judith looked up with a grin on her face. “I don’t know. It’s a block,” she said at the roundish puzzle ball she was holding. She liked pulling the pieces out and putting others in their place.

“Looks kinda fun,” Negan said, watching her play with it. He felt like these next two hours were gonna pass slowly. He sighed. Maybe he could get some answers out of the girl while they were alone. “Judith, do you know why your brother doesn’t like to eat?”

She shrugged. “He says it makes his tummy hurt more afterward,” she said, turning to him and giving him a teddy bear to hold. “He gives it to me usually,” she mumbled.

Negan took the bear and held it in his lap, feeling the soft fur on it. He sighed. “Well, he does need to eat more. If he tries giving you  _ his _ food, will you tell him to eat it himself, please?”

“But he doesn’t like to. He only likes nuggets,” she said, playing with the pieces. “He says mommy didn’t eat either.”

Negan frowned. That could be it. Could Carl’s mom have influenced him at a young age? He sighed and rubbed the bear’s ear. “Judith, you know I love you right?”

She smiled looking up at him. “I love you too, Papa,” she said smiling before looking around for something she could use to color or paint with.

Negan smiled. At least he had that going for him. He noticed Judith looking around. “You trying to find something?” he asked.

“Paper,” she said, looking around, crawling on her hands to try and find some.

Negan hummed, standing and looking around the room. He set the teddy bear down gently and started going through some drawers that were along the wall. He found a stack of white computer paper and a couple of boxes of coloring tools. He grabbed the paper and a box of markers.

“Here ya go, Judy,” he said, setting down both things on the tiny table in the middle of the room. He sat down in the comically small chair, his knees practically at his chest level, and watched Judith.

Judith ended up drawing shapes and squiggles like any other kid her age would have done. She did try and label the squiggles Papa and Bubba but she couldn’t write particularly well so it was just scribbles.

…

It ended up taking three hours before Carters came out of the room without Carl, who was still inside. Carl was left sitting at the table with a teary eye, his arms crossed defensively.

Negan had his elbow resting on the low table, head in his hand, still watching Judith but trying really hard not to fall asleep. Watching her play and scribble had been fun for the first hour or so, but as it passed two hours, Negan could feel the anxiety eating at him and it just exhausted him. He tried drawing a stick figure version of Judith, but even that didn’t help.

When he heard the door of Carl’s room open,  _ three fucking hours later _ , Negan jumped up and went to meet Carters at the doorway. “How’d it go?!”

The doctor smiled a little and patted Negan on the shoulder. “We have some work to do,” he said with a small sigh. Negan swallowed thickly. That…didn’t sound bad…but it didn’t sound good either. “You’re a good man. I think I’m gonna rest up and look at my notes for a bit. How about I call up some lunch for you guys and you can relax, hm?”

“Oh, ok,” Negan said, “Is there…anything I should know now?” Negan bit at his lip again. He was going to bite right through it soon.

“No, it’s okay, nothing to be scared of right now,” the doctor promised. “Just don’t leave him alone for more than ten minutes at a time before I get back with all the results, okay?” he asked. He didn’t want to freak Negan out.

Negan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. That was the same thing he told Negan last time. Ok. He could do that. “Ok. Yeah. Thank you.” He nodded. “Um… you wanna reschedule for Judith?” Negan asked, looking over his shoulder at her. “I think she’s pretty good myself, but what do I know?” Negan chuckled dryly, looking back at Carters.

“Actually, no, it’s fine. She’s four, so I can do a quick exam,” he said. “But I do want you and Carl to have some lunch. Judith can eat while we talk,” he said.

Negan nodded. He  _ was _ hungry. “Alright. We’ll just pick something up in the cafeteria, eat, and be right back up, yeah?”

“No, no, no. Order something up. He doesn’t need more stimulation at the moment,” he said quickly before coming into the room and picking Judith up.

“Hey there, pretty girl? Wanna talk to me for a few minutes?” he asked, but Judith didn’t answer. She didn't really care.

“Alright, alright,” Negan said as Carters walked past him. Would it kill the man to just explain clearly the first time? Negan turned back and told Judith to be nice and answer the doctor’s questions before he left the room. He used the phone that was on the wall to order up some food, keeping an eye on Carl through the open door to his room. He made sure to get a little of each food group before hanging up and going into Carl’s room. “Hey, how’d it go?” he asked softly.

“I wanna go home. I don’t wanna be here anymore,” Carl’s voice cracked a little but his defensive posture didn’t change. “I feel gross and I just wanna go home.” He looked at the man with pleading eyes. Today was pretty rough and he was doing his best not to have a meltdown.

Carters had him do these tests that made him feel stupid. Then, he made him talk about his body and talked about things that have happened. He liked pretending it didn’t happen. He didn’t like thinking about it.

“Hey, hey, shh,” Negan knelt down besides Carl’s chair and reached up to caress his cheek. “It’s ok. It looks like you did good. I just ordered us some food, Judith is having her exam now. It won’t take as long as yours, but as soon as she’s done we can go, ok?” He rose up on his knees and brought Carl’s head forward to place a kiss to his forehead.

Carl started to cry as soon as the man’s lips touched his forehead. “I hate it here!” he sobbed. “I hate this!” he yelled as the tears streamed down his right cheek. “I feel so gross and dirty and I just want it to go away,” he said, shaking more. “I didn’t want any of this, yet he asked if I did! What the fuck!” he screamed, getting louder as he got more and more angry and sad.

Negan hushed Carl softly, pulling the boy to him, one hand on the back of Carl’s neck and one wrapped around his shoulders, rubbing there gently. “They’re just standard questions, babe. He asks everyone the same things. It’s ok. It’s over now.” He kissed the side of Carl’s head. “I’m here. It’s ok.”

Carl continued to have his meltdown, sobbing into the man’s chest, hugging him. “I don’t hate him. I even missed him for a while,” Carl sobbed. “I missed him even when I was with dad! What’s wrong with me!” he cried, squeezing the man impossibly closer.

Negan ran his fingers through Carl’s hair, hugging him back as Carl squeezed closer. He was so confused at Carl’s words, obviously not having the full picture. “Who, Carl?” he asked softly, unsure if he really should be asking. Negan held Carl through his sobs, just running his hands over him and kissing him.

Carl didn't answer at first, just rested against Negan, crying for a minute before saying, “Dan.” He hiccuped, cuddling closer to Negan.

When Carl finally answered, Negan hummed and nodded. “Are you gonna tell me who that is?” he asked, quietly.

“He was one of the guys that dad gave me too,” he sniffled. “It’s where the mark on my hip was from.” He tried to hold back the tears again. “He was nice though. He got me food, and he petted my head every night until I fell asleep, and he brought me a TV, and I know I should hate him but I don’t,” he cried.

Negan felt his own eyes start to water at Carl’s words. God, he wished he had found Carl so much earlier and saved him from all the horrors he had to live through. Negan held Carl through his new tears. “Shh, it’s ok, Carl. Your feelings are valid. Honestly, it does sound like he was trying to be nice and make it up to you in a way. The whole situation is messed up, but I’d rather you have been treated with an ounce of kindness than none at all.”

Carl sniffled and nodded into him, cuddling. “Thank you Negan.” He felt a lot calmer now at the man’s words and the comforting hands. It took another ten minutes for the boy to fully calm down. “He was nice most of the time. He really tried to make them stop with the brand but he wasn’t the boss,” he said, still into Negan’s chest, not looking at his face.

Negan just sighed and buried his own face down near Carl’s neck, curling into the boy. God, he just wanted to hold him forever and make all his pain go away.

Soon, one of the nurses came to the room, knocking softly. She was holding a tray with the food Negan had ordered.

Negan looked back at the nurse, still holding Carl. “Oh, thank you! Just set those on the table please,” he called to her. She nodded with a smile, putting down the food before leaving and shutting the door. Turning back to Carl, Negan patted his back. “Carl, food is here. Come on. Please eat a little something for me?” Carl looked at the food, grabbing one of the baggies of apple slices. His chest hurt now.

“Come here,” Negan said, standing up, lifting Carl from the chair so that he could sit down in it instead and place Carl in his lap, sitting him sideways. “There. Good?” Negan reached for his own food, picking out a chicken salad sandwich. He unwrapped half of it, taking a bite and moaning. “Oh, that’s good. Bite?” He offered his sandwich to Carl.

Carl was grumpy at first but as soon as he settled onto the man’s lap, he relaxed and smiled. He liked being there, close to him. He leaned down and kissed the man's cheek before shaking his head ‘no’ to the sandwich. His stomach needed to settle first.

Negan nodded and took another bite himself, smiling. “I love it when you give me little kisses,” he said, softly. He wanted Carl to know just how much he loved the things he did, no matter how small. Wanted the boy to know that he was doing good.

Carl nodded and rested his body against the man. “I’m glad,” he said happily. He cuddled into him frowning. “I have a headache,” he whispered.

_ Yeah, I bet you do _ , Negan thought. He reached over and picked up a small bottle of apple juice. “Here, drink some of this. You’re probably dehydrated.” Crying could really take it out of you.

Carl nodded. “Thank you.” He opened the bottle and began to drink. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled under his breath.

Negan took another bite of his sandwich. “For what, babe?” he asked, tracing circles on Carl’s thigh with his other hand.

“Having a meltdown.” He drank the apple juice pretty quickly since he just wanted the headache to go away.

Negan kissed Carl’s temple. “Don’t be sorry. It’s nothing to be sorry for.” Negan squeezed Carl closer.

Carl cuddled into the man’s front, hugging him. “Okay, thank you.” He sniffed, his head still pounding.

“Go to sleep, Carl. You’ve had a long day,” Negan said softly, tucking the boy’s head under his chin. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Are you sure?” he asked with a small whine.

“Of course I’m sure,” Negan whispered, placing a soft kiss to Carl’s head. “Sleep. Feel better.” Negan started humming his lullaby softly, stroking Carl’s hair. He’d be glad when this was over and they could just go home, but he was anxious about the results they were going to get from Carters.

Carl passed out almost as soon as his head touched the man's chest. The whole thing had taken so much out of him, and the day was hardly over.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Carters relays his findings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Brief trigger warning, this chapter has mentions of all the bad shit Carl and Judith have gone through. There are no super graphic descriptions, but it is all mentioned. So like violence, rape, abuse, etc.
> 
> Stay safe and enjoy~

Carters soon came back with Judith, opening the door quietly when he saw through the window that Carl was asleep. “Hey Negan, I just need a few minutes and then I’ll have both reports ready.”

Negan nodded silently to Carters. He held out the arm that wasn’t wrapped around Carl and motioned for Carters to give him Judith. He wanted to hold them both. 

Carters walked Judith over and she quickly climbed up onto Negan’s lap with Carl. Carters went off to calculate the results in his office.

Negan wrapped his arm around Judith, cuddling her and Carl against him. Mmm. He loved having them both so close. “How’d your questions go, Judy-bug?” he asked quietly.

She smiled at the nickname. “Good. He said I did a very good job,” she answered happily.

Negan smiled at Judith and kissed her head. “I’m sure you did. You wanna take a nap too?” he asked gesturing towards the sleeping Carl. “I’ve got some food left here if you’re still hungry.”

She shook her head a little. “No I’m not tired,” she said reaching over to take Carl’s half-drank apple juice bottle and taking a drink. 

Twenty minutes later Carters came in. “Negan, you mind coming to my office with me?” He smiled.

Negan looked at Carters and then back down at Carl and Judith and then back up at Carters. “I’ve kinda got my hands full, doc.” Oh god, this was it. He was going to find out the results. Negan could feel his stomach drop. He squeezed the siblings in his arms and nudged Carl, trying to wake him up. “Hey, Carl. Psst.”

Carl shook his head ‘no’, whimpering loudly, hiding his face in Negan’s neck. Why the fuck was he trying to shake him off? He was tired and wanted to nap! Judith got off and started to pull at Carl’s sweatpant leg to try to wake him up.

“Carl, shh, I need to get up. You can stay asleep, I just need to move.” Negan rubbed at Carl’s shoulder softly. He wasn’t going to get up easily.

Sighing, Negan stood, careful not to knock Judith, and carried Carl over to Carters. Negan asked, “Is there a room close by with a couch or a bed? Just so I can lay him down?” Carters nodded with a smile and pointed to the private waiting room with some couches in it.

Judith followed close behind whimpering. Was Carl hurt? Why did he not want to get up? She started to get scared. The only time this had happened, Carl had been really, really hurt.

Negan went into the room Carters pointed to and laid Carl carefully on the couch, stroking his hair away from his face. He turned to Judith and set her on the couch next to him. “Judith, watch over Carl. He’s ok, he’s just really tired. I’m just going to go talk to the doctor really fast, ok? I’ll be right back.” He kissed her head before standing and heading back to Carters. Judith whined a little but didn’t protest, sitting on the floor in front of her big brother.

Carters went into his office and sat down behind his desk, an envelope on it. Negan sat down in the chair in front of Carters’ desk, his knee bouncing nervously.  _ Please be good. Please be good. _ He ran his hands over his face before leaning forward. “Ok, doc, give me the results.”

“What do you want? I learned more about his history and had him sign a consent waiver. I tested his academic skills and I have several reports on his mental health. The same goes for Judith.”

Negan rubbed at his temples. “Just…tell me everything. Give me…Judith first.” Her results had to be shorter, right? Take the short one first and then the long? Yeah, that made some kind of sense. Negan looked up at Carters, waiting.

“Okay well, good news first.” Carters handed him some little worksheets and things. “She is working at a first grade level for math. She is very smart. She is at her own age for reading which is very good. Carl taught her a little bit and he was very successful. I was very impressed,” he said with a smile. “You should be very proud of both of them.”

Negan nodded as Carters spoke, smiling at how smart Judith was and how even Carters was impressed. “I am proud, yes.”

“Now, Judith remembers a lot more than I think either of you realize. She drew me a few pictures that I believe are different things she saw,” he said and handed over papers. One had a disembodied cow with its legs cut off while it moo-ed. Another was a person with a cage on their head, someone kicking another person, Carl getting his eye taken out, and the last one was someone getting raped.

Negan’s smile fell as he looked at the drawings. He covered his mouth and furrowed his brows as he looked one over and then moved onto the next, and then the next. God. She should not have seen any of this. No one should have. The urge to just go down to his basement and strangle Rick ran up Negan’s spine.

“Will she…be ok? Will this affect her at all in the long run?”

“Time will tell on that but I can already tell she is extremely dependent on Carl and doesn’t like it when he is away with you. She puts some of that blame on you when he is gone and it makes her a bit upset. So she has some dependency problems. She also may have mild PTSD now but that should fade as the memories do as she gets older,” he explained.

Negan stared at Carters. “B-blames  _ me _ ? Because I take Carl away?” He groaned softly, grimacing. It was one thing having Carl jealous, but not Judith too. She seemed to take to other people so well, Negan would never have suspected she was angry at not being with Carl.

“Negan please don’t take it to heart. She cares for you very much. She told me she named her teddy bear after you.” Carters smiled a little thinking about it. Negan smiled too thinking about the stuffed wolf. He couldn’t help feeling like the siblings were fighting over him, and he didn’t want that.

Carters continued, “Things I’d look out for is inappropriate anger which she has displayed already. To help, you could set rules for her. They need to be firm but flexible; let her know she has a say in how things go from now on, within reason of course. And I feel like this goes without saying, but no physical punishment or being locked in a room.”

Negan nodded at Carters words. He was going to have his work cut out for him that was for sure. “Like, what kind of rules? I’m not sure what you mean. And of course, I’d never hurt her or lock her away.”

“Simple rules like you have to do homework before TV time. You have to go to sleep at a certain time. You have to eat three meals a day. No hurting others.” He rambled. 

“Oh, ohhh,” Negan nodded quicker as he listened to Carters’ examples. “Ok, ok. Yeah, I can do that.” Negan wondered if he should call a family meeting at dinner and lay down some rules or just address the problems as they came up. Probably tell them first so they don’t get in trouble by accident. Negan took in a breath and let it out. This was ok. He could handle this. “Anything else on Judith?”

“Nope.” He smiled. “Other than that she is good to go.” He smiled happily at the other man, handing him the rest of her folder just to keep if he wanted. “Now on to Mr. Carl?” He chuckled a little trying to keep the mood light.

Negan took the file, holding it in his lap. He ran his fingers over the smooth cover. “Thank you. Yeah, now Carl. Give me the…bad first.” He wanted to finish on a happy note.

“Okay, do you want the full details of the past or just the major events that have shaped him?” Carters asked, getting out some tissues and candy, putting them on the desk in front of Negan. Wow, he was not subtle at all. It was because Carters could see that Negan had teared up over the little girl, so he assumed Negan would feel worse about the older sibling.

Negan didn’t even care that Carters knew he was going to break down. He grabbed a piece of candy immediately and popped it into his mouth. “Full details. All of it. Please,” he said rolling the sugar around on his tongue.

“Okay well, his life started pretty normally. Ages one through five were completely normal. His mom and dad had a rather strict and traditional gender role set up. His dad was a cop and his mom a housewife,” he explained.

“When he was four, his father was shot in the line of duty so Rick’s friend Shane took over as a temporary man of the house. Carl liked Shane a lot. He was a good strong father figure to him but when his dad came back there was a shift. Rick was more possessive. He’d hit Lori sometimes. He’d yell a lot more,” he explained. “Lori made a few reports to the police but since Rick worked there they scrapped it.”

“He went to school until the second grade when his dad pulled him out mid-way through the year to stay at home with Lori since he didn’t want the two to leave the house. This continued until he was about eight.”

Negan was on his third piece of candy. He just nodded along to Carters’ words. It all sounded like what Negan had pieced together already from talking to Carl himself, or the gist of it anyway. He was waiting for the shift. Waiting for when Rick went off the deep end.

“When they were alone Rick would get a lot more violent. Most noteworthy was throwing Carl in scalding water, making him sleep outside, and keeping him from having contact with anyone else.”

“After that Carl remembers Lori leaving him to be with Shane, leaving him with Rick.”

_ Holy shit. _ Carl’s mom just  _ left _ him? Negan couldn’t blame her for wanting to get away from Rick, but to just  _ leave _ her son?!

“After Lori was gone, Rick moved him to a bigger facility where the abuse skyrocketed. Rick began hurting others, mainly animals in front of Carl. Again most noteworthy at this age was sand-grabbing. It’s a term to mean giving something to a child just so you can take it away. This happened with rabbits a lot. Rick would bring him rabbits as gifts only to kill them within a few days or weeks of getting them.”

“His dad started filming around the age of ten. He also began to groom him a lot more. Bringing him food he liked, fast food, new things like clothes or other things related to hygiene as gifts to bribe him which is common in child captive causes.”

“He would also let Carl stay in his bed, let him take showers, hold him while he slept to make sure he maintained that bound he had with him. This lasted another four years until he was fourteen which was when Judith was born.”

Negan felt his stomach drop at the thought of Rick giving Carl animals and then killing them. Was that what happened with Ezekiel’s animals that Carl knew? Was that why Carl was so attached to the kittens? Negan chomped down on the candy in his mouth.

When Carters started mentioning the new clothes and letting Carl stay in Rick’s bed and such, Negan sat up straighter. “Wait, wait. Doc… I… I’ve been kind of doing that too. I mean, I’m not doing it to groom him, and I always get his consent and make sure he wants to do it, but I’ve been buying him things and letting him sleep with me and we’ve taken a shower and bath together. Am I… should I be doing that?” Negan bit at his lip. Was he hurting Carl even more on accident? Was he becoming his new Rick?

Carters reached over his desk and rubbed Negan’s hand. “Yes, it’s okay, but keep in mind that that could be a part of why Carl got so attached to you so quickly is because you fall into a routine he is used to,” he explained. “This doesn’t mean he doesn’t have real and valid feelings for you, but it could be why he was so quickly attracted and attached to you,” he said as simply and as carefully as he could. 

Negan swallowed thickly at Carters’ words, trying to keep himself from shaking. He nodded. “Ok, yeah. That… makes sense.” Negan still didn’t know how he felt, being compared to Rick so similarly. It definitely freaked him out a little.

“It’s okay Negan. What you are doing, even if it is unconscious is grooming. But it isn’t for a bad predatory reason so it’s okay.” He patted his hands before he pulled back. “Now when he was fourteen his mom...came back into the picture.” He swallowed thickly, not knowing how to explain the next part. There was no sugar coating this next part.

Negan looked up at Carters mentioned Carl’s mom again.  _ Oh no. _ Negan knew what happened when Judith was born. This wasn’t going to be good.

“She was pregnant when she came back. Carl doesn’t think it was Rick’s, but he isn’t certain. This sent Rick over the edge. And he began to work on two extremes of cruelty and grooming.” Carters took a breath. “When Lori started to have contractions Rick made Carl cut Judith out of her.”

Negan put his hand over his mouth and nodded. “I… I knew that. Carl told me about… that.” God, it was so fucked up. Negan couldn’t even imagine being in Carl’s shoes for that.

“I think it’s where his issues with weight are coming from. His mother would often complain about her weight and she almost lost Judith twice because she was underweight. I’m not sure how light she was, but Carl said he picked her up when she was dead so I couldn’t imagine that she could have been more than ninety pounds,” he said. “So, it could be coming from unknowingly trying to stunt puberty because he wanted to stay a child, or as a way to feel closer to his mom as he took care of Judith,” he explained further.

Negan hummed and rubbed at his temples. Judith had just told him earlier it could have been their mom’s fault that Carl didn’t eat. Looks like that was right. “Is there a way to fix it? Something he’ll actually agree to? Some way to explain it to him?”

“No, we just need to roll with it. You can’t help someone who can’t see they’re sick,” he explained. “Maybe educating him on food and things like that could help.” He said with a small hopeful smile.

Negan nodded. He’d taught his fair share of health classes when he taught PE, but that info was probably outdated by now. “Yeah, I want to get them both into school or at least have private tutors. I’ll make sure health is on the curriculum.”

Carters smiled. “I guess that segues into his academic test scores.” He got out the folder. “He scored above or at his age for critical thinking. In English he scored a fourth grade level which is impressive and for math he was at a fifth grade level.” He showed Negan the worksheets.

“Woah.” Negan looked at the sheets, impressed, considering Carl had only technically been to second grade. “This is great. I knew he was smart, but this is more than I thought.”

Carters smiled. “Well, he is seventeen.” He chuckled. “He knows a lot about animals too.” His smile fell slightly as he looked at his notes. “Now... my biggest concern.” Carters cleared his throat. “He has a very distorted view of death which may have contributed to his three suicide attempts.”

Negan sucked in a breath. “Is one of those three the one that I almost joined in on?” he asked bitterly.

Carters looked at him. “No. I guess that would be number four,” he said sighing. “So when are you gonna come in for your exam?” he asked, looking across the desk directly into Negan’s eyes.

Negan looked down at his hands, avoiding Carters’ eyes, and sighed. “Just give me a time and date, doc. I’ll show up.” He glanced back up and grabbed another piece of candy, popping it into his mouth and sucking on it.

“I care about you, Negan. We need to talk about what could have been a trigger for that night. Do you know what the trigger was?”

Negan hummed and thought about it, rubbing his hands together. “Um, well, we had been swimming, me, Carl, Judith, and Daryl, and everything had been fine. Great, even! But then Carl wasn’t feeling well, so we got out, and I was giving him water to drink, but, I don’t know. He was getting snippy and wasn’t answering me…” Negan thought back to the conversation. What had angered him so much?

“Oh!” He sat up. “Carl was adamant about seeing his dad and I didn’t want him to. I tried making a deal with him, tried to get him to promise to eat food in exchange for seeing his father, but…” Negan frowned. Carl’s word’s coming back to him:  _ “I’m not a prisoner, right?... So nothing is stopping me from doing what I want?” _ Negan sighed.

“I think it was just the fact that he wanted to go back to his dad after I had done  _ so much _ . I had given him so much of me, and I wasn’t feeling appreciated.” Negan rubbed his face. It sounded like such a stupid reason to blow up on the kid, but he had done it. “And then I went to the roof and I drank it all away. I don’t actually remember what happened, but Dwight tells me I almost jumped off the roof, or Carl almost pushed me  _ and _ went with me. I’m not...sure.”

“I understand why you would feel that way. That must have been very hard for you.” Carters leaned back. “Now, you said you were scared Carl was using you to replace his father, but then you get upset when he wanted to see Rick again, is that right?” he asked, trying to get Negan to think. “Are you jealous of Carl’s attachment to those who have hurt him? Or scared that you’ll just be a replacement?”

“I don’t want him to see his father again because that man has done enough damage. He could convince Carl to kill himself just by talking to him, and I obviously don’t want that,” Negan spat, shaking his head. “I’m not…jealous of his father. I don’t want to be Carl’s  _ father _ , per se, I guess…I’m afraid I’m the replacement. Just the next man Carl’s been passed along to.” Negan felt the tears start to prick at the back of his eyes and he sniffed.

“I want to know that his feelings for me are real and not just…convenient. I…” Negan put his head in his hands. “I can’t be his father and his lover and Judith’s father and run my business. It’s so much. It’s so much.” Negan felt the tears start to fall down his cheeks and he grit his teeth. “God, I wish Lucille were here,” he spoke quietly.

“I know you can’t. You’ll have to let something give Negan. You’re doing too much.” Carters reached out, rubbing his hand. “This is not a good environment for either of them either. We need to think of alternative options. Have you thought about transferring their guardianship over to someone else?”

Negan shot up. “No!” He winced at his own volume and calmed back down. “No…I can’t give them away. I won’t.” He sniffed and wiped at his face with his arm. “What would that say to them? Me, saving them and giving them things, and then pushing them off on someone else? God, they’d hate me. I can’t do that.” He shook his head.

“Moreover, I love them both too much. I want to see them grow and learn. I want to be there for that. I want to be a part of their lives. I could never leave them.” Negan’s heart hurt at the thought of leaving the kids, a sob getting stuck in his throat. “I have…thought about moving. Leaving my business to a few trusted individuals. I’m getting too old for some of this shit. I could retire. Somewhere nice. With ducks…”

Carters nodded a bit. “Retirement is a good idea. You could get into shape, take some time for yourself. It is your business after all; if you don’t like the retirement you can always go back.” He smiled. “That is a good idea. The large factory building / hotel you live in now is not good for Judith especially. She really needs to be with kids her own age. The same goes for Carl.”

Negan nodded. He knew it was the best idea if he wanted to stay with the kids. And honestly, he didn’t need to be there to run the business. He barely did anything as it was, he was just a figurehead really.

“I think the change would be good for you too. Some change of scenery especially after Lucille. She would’ve wanted you to live more of a life than you are right now Negan.”

New tears pushed from his eyes at the mention of Lucille. God, what she would say if she could see him now? She’d chew him out for being an idiot, that’s what. He laughed wetly. “Get in shape? You saying I’m getting fat, doc?” Negan glanced up at Carters, eyes red and running, but shining playfully.

“No no no, but you could use to lose a few pounds of fat and get that muscle up again. Dwight and you have both been telling me your bad eating habits are back,” he said gesturing to the nine empty candy wrappers on his desk from Negan.

Negan looked at the wrappers and then back up at Carters. “ _ Look _ …” He snorted a laugh and swiped at his face again. “You know I eat junk and sweets when I’m stressed. Lately, I’ve been…VERY stressed.” He pushed the bowl of candy away from him and towards Carters, sighing.

“Look, we…we got off track. I promise I’ll look into retiring as soon as I can, and I’ll come in for an actual exam from you soon too, ok? Where were we with Carl?” Negan asked, not wanting to leave the kids alone for too much longer.

“Right after Judith’s birth,” Carters said, “was one of Rick’s challenges. He put Carl and another man in a room and told them they couldn’t leave unless one of them was dead. The man contemplated for almost a day but they didn’t have any water or food or any way to get out, so the man started to beat Carl. He almost killed him, but Rick stepped in to “save” him,” he explained. “During the beating, his skull fractured. Carl’s eye got infected with a chip of his skull, so his dad took it out.”

Negan grimaced. “I heard the details about Rick taking it out, but I didn’t know the lead-up.” He made an ‘ugh’ noise. He really wanted another candy but held back.

“Then during what I think was a trade deal he gave Carl over to a group called the Claimers,” he said, this time a lot more hushed and serious. “That was a group where Carl was raped. There was about seven of them that Carl could remember.”

_ Holy shit. Seven?! _ God, Negan would have tried to kill himself too.

Carters went on. “On the second night was when he tried to kill himself for the second time, but one of the men, Dan, found him before it could happen and stayed with him that night. After that they kept him tied up on the floor but the man brought him a TV and dinner scraps every night. Dan was the most common offender. He was non-violent and mostly groomed. Held Carl, talked to him, brought him gifts tried protecting him from the others.”

Negan sniffed, still trying to clear away his tears. “He just told me about Dan earlier, after you talked with him. He thought it was bad that he didn’t hate Dan because he was nice to him, but I told him it was ok. That his feelings were valid. It was a fucked up situation. It’s not far fetched that he’d like the only nice thing there.”

“Exactly. Situational nonviolent pedophiles like Dan capitalize on being the only one their victims can depend on. And, as sick as it is, Dan didn’t sound like he actually wished any harm upon the boy. He said Dan tried to stop them when they branded the side of his hip,” Carters said. “It is completely okay and expected for him not to be upset with Dan. As long as the attachment didn’t go further to be viewed as love, it is completely normal.”

Negan nodded, glad that he had told Carl the right thing. “Well, I’m glad he was there. I don’t want to think about what would have happened if he hadn’t been.”

Carters nodded a little. “The next two years were like the others. No big events other than instead of threatening Carl, Rick began to threaten Judith to get Carl to comply in things.”

Negan growled softly at that. Yeah, of course, he started picking on the kid who couldn’t fight back. 

“Carl tried to kill himself and Judith when he was sixteen but again Rick stopped them right before either died. Then at seventeen, he came to you.”

Negan sighed. “Yeah, he told me he was trying to protect her. That Rick was sending him away again and he didn’t know if he would be back in order to help Judith, so in his mind, killing her was saving her from Rick,” Negan explained, not sure how much Carl had told Carters.

Carters nodded a little. “Yes, that was another time before he went with the Claimers. He’s killed fifty-seven people. I'm surprised he wasn’t more successful in his attempts with him and his sister,” Carters said, “But most likely it was because of a subconscious will to live.”

Negan whistled at the kill count. That was pretty impressive. “I’m still surprised the kid didn’t kill  _ me _ when we first met. He had such a clear shot.” If Negan believed in fate, he’d say it was that which had made Carl miss. Sure, Simon had gotten to him as well, but there was still a moment when Carl could have put a bullet between Negan’s eyes.

If Negan believed in fate, he’d say it made Carl miss in order to bring them together, so that Carl could get his help and save Judith.

If Negan believed in fate, he’d credit it for giving him a child he’d always wished he’d had.

But Negan didn’t believe in fate. So he chalked it up to luck and rolled with it.

Carters smiled at Negan. “Now conditions. I believe Carl has EDNOS. That’s why he is shifting from ‘I can’t eat that’ to ‘let's eat all the fast food’,” he explained. “I also believe he has some sort of PTSD since he had been through major trauma. I also think he may have bipolar disorder but we can’t diagnose anyone under eighteen, so just bare that in mind. So far it seems he’s been mostly up, manic, and okay moods, but it can drop like it did the night you two had that fight.”

Negan took in a deep breath and nodded. He knew Carl hadn’t gotten out of that hell with nothing. “Is there any kind of medicine to help any of that? The eating maybe? Anything I can do to help?”

“I wouldn’t want to prescribe anything so soon. Maybe a year down the line but not now. I would do daily weight checks and measures. He is 101 right now. He’s gained 8 pounds since he’s been with you.” He laughed. “But if he drops to below 95 pounds, contact me and he’ll be coming to inpatient refeeding groups. Below 90, he’ll be tubed and hospitalized. Are we clear?”

Negan was glad to hear that Carl  _ was _ gaining weight. He just had to keep hounding the kid to eat and it’d be fine. Negan nodded seriously at Carters orders. “Yes. Will you write that down for me? And if you haven’t already, will  _ you _ tell him that? Sometimes I think he thinks I’m making things up,” Negan said, rolling his eyes.

“It's called dysphoria. He thinks he’s heavier then he is. He feels ‘fat’,” Carters said with finger quotes since they were Carl’s words. “Also that feeling in his stomach is most likely cramps from refeeding or anxiety,” he explained as he wrote down the instructions for Negan about the weight and measurements.

“How can I help with that? Just assure him he’s not? How do I explain to him that there’s good fat to have?” Negan asked, rubbing his temples. “Cause I’ve been trying to do that, and I mean, I guess it worked a little bit if he gained eight pounds, but I just…I guess I want instant results, but I’m not going to get that am I?” Negan sighed. “Is there anything I can do for the cramps? Hot pad? Massage?” Negan was racking his brain for what he’d done to help Lucille during her period cramps. He couldn’t give Carl Midol, that was for sure.

“Yes, hot pad, massage, Aleve,”  Carters said. “And there isn't really a way to get through to people with eating disorders, except through talking. It’s all about how they see it. Not how you do,” he explained. “It sometimes develops when the individual feels like they need to be in control of something when they are in a bad  . Since Carl couldn’t control his surroundings, he controlled what he ate.”

Negan hummed, tapping his chin. “That makes sense, I suppose.” He nodded. “So, like, should I praise him as he grows? Like if I’m measuring him and he’s gone up, give praise, and if he’s gone down, not punish but… show disappointment?”

“Yes, praise is good, but not disappointment. Be careful because he will likely be seriously upset that he’s gaining weight, and it will put a lot of unneeded pressure if he thinks you’re angry. I can see more push back in the coming months as he comes out of his captive mode.”

Negan nods and sighs. “Should I reward him? Like, gain a pound, get something?” Negan knew there was a debate on offering prizes to kids, teaching them to do things  _ for _ things like they were animals getting treats. “Or maybe set goals? Every five pounds, we go out and do something? Is there a goal weight he needs to reach?”

“A pound is good. I’d stick to positive rewards. Like receiving something for gaining but not taking freedoms away when he loses weight because I’d say there is a 95% chance he’ll lose weight before seeing he’s sick.”

“No, I’d never take something away for him losing it. I understand that,” Negan said, nodding. He fidgeted with his fingers. “Is there anything else I need to know?”

“Just don’t pressure him about weight. If he brings it up that’s okay, but I can already see he’ll have difficulty with it.

“Yeah, he already does,” Negan rolled his eyes.

“And one more thing,” Carters said, licking his lips as he sat up a bit, seeming nervous to ask. “I wish to meet Rick.”

Negan sucked in a breath and stared at Carters. “Excuse me?” His voice dropped down an octave. “Why?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at the doctor.

“Rick was getting his income from somewhere else once he left the police and I believe it was being he was documenting and doing case studies on Carl and some others,” Carters explained. “All the things Carl mentioned as well as Judith have been psychological theories and questions for years but no one could test them because they are unethical. If he was writing down case studies I would like to collect his papers and finish them as my own.”

Negan pinched the bridge of his nose. “And are you hoping to get this info out of him? We’ve raided his compound once. We could easily march back in and search it.” Negan just hated seeing that man or being anywhere near him, let alone listen to him talk. “Plus, I don’t know if he’d talk to you, or tell you the truth anyway. The man is nuts. I don’t like calling people crazy, I know it’s not right, but I make an exception for him.”

Carters chuckled a little. “The correct term is a sociopath.” He smiled. “I know you don’t but I have a feeling he’d like to talk about his work. Sociopaths like bragging,” he said. “And you don’t have to be there with me every time. You can trust me Negan.”

“It’s not you that I don’t trust,” Negan stated bluntly. “But, sure. Fine! Just come on over. Let me know when and I’ll get you set up with him. You’ll be speaking through the door. It does not ever open.” Negan shakes his head.

Carters was smiling ear to ear. “Oh god, I feel like a young man again, like when I worked with Jeanie.” He smiled flustered. He was so excited. “Thank you so much Negan. This means a lot to me.” he said. “Of course if and when I publish the research the kids names will not be in it.” He told him right away. “Gosh let me see when I’m free.” He pulled out his little planner, flipping through. “And you need an appointment too,” he said still grinning.

Negan snorted a laugh at Carters’ excitement. He was really getting off on this, wasn’t he? Negan wasn’t sure how sane Carters was, wanting to see and publish studies on kids being tortured, didn’t even know if he could legally do that, but who was he to deny his request when he literally had Rick just sitting and collecting mold in his basement. “Keep it in your pants, doc,” Negan chuckled, winking at him playfully. He pulled out his phone to look at his own calendar. “Just throw me some dates, for your visit and mine.”

“How about June 10th, June 28th or June 29th?” Carters asked, looking at his calendar. “I’d prefer to see you the tenth to talk about you and quickly introduce myself to Mr. Grimes.” He smiled looking up at him from his papers. God, it felt good to be this excited.

Negan clicked the dates in his phone calendar. “Yeah, all those look free for me. The tenth is fine,” he said. He could tell Carters wanted to see Rick ASAP. Negan couldn’t help but smile at the man’s excitement. His day was really made by this, huh?

“Okay. I’ll see you then?” Carters confirmed happily, standing up and sticking out his hand to shake over the desk.

Negan stood to shake his hand. “Yes. Have your secretary contact mine or else I’ll forget.” Negan laughed.

Carters smiled. “Okay, I’ll let you go then. Pleasure as always Negan.”

“Thank you, Carters,” Negan said sincerely. “For everything.” He gathered up the files and the papers that Carters had for him, grabbing two pieces of candy, winking at the doctor.

He left the room and headed back to the kids. He felt better knowing for sure what was going on in their heads and knowing things he could do to help.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone comes home from the doctor and plans for an outing are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait! Let's keep on going~

Negan walked in, hoping he looked a bit more composed than he felt. He could still feel the aftermath of tears on his face that he just couldn’t wipe away. Carl whined a bit, squirming on the couch, trying to get away from the light of the waiting room. Judith still sat on the ground in front of Carl, sniffling tiredly. She too needed a nap.

“Hey, kiddos. Sorry, that took longer than I thought. You guys ready to go?” He knelt down next to Judith and held out an unwrapped candy to her. He noticed her tired eyes. “Wanna go home and take a nap?”

She looked at the candy, smiling, taking it from him happily. “Thank you Papa,” she said and popped it into her mouth with a smile before lifting up her arms to be held by him.

“You’re welcome, darlin,” he said, picking her up and kissing her cheek. “Thank you for doing a good job with the doctor and for watching over Carl.” 

She smiled and leaned in, kissing his cheek happily. She loved the touch of the man, soft, warm, and safe.

Negan sat down on the couch next to Carl, reaching over to move some of his long hair from his face. “Babe, you ready to go? We’re going to go home.”

Carl whimpered. “No...” he groaned, not opening his eye. His head felt better but he was emotionally exhausted.

“Come on now,” Negan spoke soothingly, shaking Carl’s shoulder lightly. “You want me to carry you? You can ride on my back.” Carl was so light, Negan knew he’d be able to carry both kids at once. “I know you wanna go home.  _ I _ wanna go home.” He chuckled.

Carl nodded softly. “Yes please,” he whimpered, wanting to be carried. A piggy-back ride seemed appropriate. He lifted his hands up trying to get the man to come down so he could get on top of him.

Negan laughed and leaned back towards Carl’s reaching arms. “Come on, ya little spider monkey. Put a little effort into this. I’m holding your sister too.”

Carl got on Negan’s back, lazily holding his shoulders and wrapping his legs around Negan’s waist to hold himself up.

“Alright, up we go,” Negan said, holding Judith tighter with one arm and reaching up to hold on to Carl’s arm as he leaned forward and then stood. It was easy enough, but Negan took a moment to get himself balanced and make sure Carl was secure. “You good to go back there?”

Carl nodded into his neck. “Yeah,” he whispered. He was starting to wake up but he was still super sleepy.

“Alrighty.” With that Negan headed out, holding both kids as he made his way to the elevator. He vaguely wondered how silly he looked, but he didn’t care. He liked having the warm weight of Carl pressed against him, his legs wrapped around Negan’swaist. He liked having Judith in his arms, her cheek on his shoulder. He loved these two so much.

…

Once at home Carl was a lot more awake. Judith on the other hand was sound asleep. Carl still didn’t want to get off of Negan’s back, having climbed back up there when they got out of the car. “Negan, I wanna do something,” he whined. “Watch TV, go to the park, go swimming, something.”

Negan bounced Carl on his back as he laid Judith down in the guest bedroom bed. He carried the boy out of the room, leaving the door open. “We can do whatever you want,” he said, heading towards the living room. He went over to the bar and backed up, sitting Carl down on the bar and turning around so that he faced the boy, wrapping his arms around Carl’s waist. “You wanna get out or stay in?”

“I don’t know. What do you wanna do?” Carl asked with a small smile. “I wanna make you happy,” he said looking up at him. “My tummy kinda hurts and I don’t feel good but Dr. Carters says I shouldn’t stay in the house...”

Negan smiled at Carl. He liked that the boy wanted him to be happy, but Negan wanted him to be happy as well. Negan hummed and moved his hands to Carl’s stomach, pressing softly around it. “Where does it hurt? Here?” He softly kneaded his fingers into the boy’s belly.

Carl whimpered softly, nodding. “Yeah, a little lower...” he said. It was his lower/mid-abdomen that was tense from the stress.

“Carters told me that could be because you’re eating more than you’re used to or because of anxiety. I can get you a hot pad to put on it to help. It’ll stop eventually once your body adjusts.” He looked up at the boy as he massaged him.

“Can we cuddle while you do this?” Carl asked. He liked Negan’s hands there. He liked having his tummy rubbed.

“Sure, babe.” Negan slid his hands under Carl’s thighs and lifted him off the bar, holding him up as he walked to his room. He set Carl down on the bed, taking the boy’s shoes off, following suite. “Lay on down,” he said to Carl, climbing onto the bed after him. 

Carl nodded and laid back against the top comforter. “Thank you, Negan.” He smiled, looking at him. “It feels really nice when you touch me there.”

Negan laid on his side next to Carl, reaching over and massaging against his stomach where Carl had said it hurt. “You’re welcome, Carl. I just want you to feel better,” he said, smiling. He kissed Carl’s temple before nuzzling his face into Carl’s neck. “I used to do this for Lucille. She had really bad cramps all the time.”

“Cramps?” Carl asked. He turned and nuzzled closer to the man’s chest with his side.

Negan nodded. “It’s when your muscles contract involuntarily. It’s what’s happening to you right now,” Negan explained. He let his hand sneak under Carl’s hoodie so he could press his warm hand against Carl’s bare skin. “Except when Lucille got them, it was for a different reason. I can explain it to you later.” Negan really didn’t want to start explaining uteruses and ovaries to Carl at that moment.

“Just a little longer and then maybe we could go out?” Carl said. “Just the two of us?”

“Yeah, we can go out. Have a little date. You wanna go to the park? There’s one nearby with a river that goes through it,” Negan said.

Carl smiled and nodded. “Yeah I like that idea.” He giggled. “You’re too good to me.” He smiled up at Negan.

Negan smiled. “I just want you to be happy, kid.” Negan curled his fingers and started rolling his knuckles into Carl’s stomach gently.

“Maybe we could go to the park, take Kilot with us?” Carl asked. 

Negan frowned slightly and shook his head. “He’s still too young, Carl. And normally cats don’t go out to parks. You’d need a dog for that. Maybe when he’s bigger we can get him a harness with a leash, but not right now. Ok?” He leaned forward bumping his nose against Carl’s forehead.

“Why don’t cats go to the park though?” Carl asked, cocking his head.

Negan opened his mouth to answer, when suddenly, there was a scuffle against the bedroom door. Negan sat up as Daryl came in, frowning at the smell of alcohol ebbing from the man. He pulled Carl towards him an inch, away from Daryl.

“Kid, you okay?” Daryl asked, nearly falling on the bed next to him. “All good? Yeah?” he asked, cupping Carl’s cheek. He’d slipped into a nightmare when he’d passed out.

“Dude, did you drink the entire time we were gone?” Negan asked Daryl. “That’s not gonna fly around here. You gotta cut that shit out. I can get you help if you need it.” He knew there was probably no use talking to him in this state, but he’d try anyway. 

“What? No! He’s mine,” Daryl leaned down and lazily petted the boy’s hair. “I love him, you just- just wanna make him yours?” he slurred. “Kid, I did the same with your daddy,” he said and looked at Carl. “Listen to me. I don’t want you to end up like Beth. I can’t lose you.” He started to cry. Yep, Daryl had officially lost it.

Negan sighed as Daryl began to cry. He encouraged Carl to sit up and then pulled Daryl down onto the bed with them, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Come on, Daryl. Shh. I’m not gonna let anything happen to Carl, ok? It’s alright.” Daryl continued to cry.

Carl sat up, whimpering nervously. He’d never saw drunk Daryl before. “It’s okay, Daryl, please,” Carl said reaching out to touch his thigh.

“I know you’re sleeping together,” Daryl said. “What if you get hurt? You think I don’t know what happened?! I knew!”

Negan rubbed his hand in circles on Daryl’s back. “Come on, Daryl. It’s not like that, I promise. We haven’t slept together, not like that.  _ That _ is not the reason I keep Carl around, please trust me,” he said in a calm voice, trying to settle the other man down. “I love him and I would never do anything to hurt him. You have my word on that.”

“I promised your mom and I failed,” Daryl said and reached out, pulling the boy to him, hugging him in an almost “Of Mice and Men” fashion. “I love you too, Kid. I never say it but I do. I know you didn’t do it for attention.” He tapped the boys scar running up his wrist.

Negan smiled sadly at the scene before him, still rubbing Daryl’s back. He knew the man cared about Carl and Judith, it was just his stoic personality that stopped him from saying it. But it was evident he did.

It took another ten minutes of this drunken rambling before Daryl calmed down. “I think I need to go to bed. No drinking tomorrow,” Daryl said dizzily. “I’ll be sober to hang out with Judy, yeah?”  Daryl played with Carl’s hair before slowly getting up.

Negan patted the man’s shoulder as he got up. “Yeah, Daryl. Sure. That sounds good. Uh, Judy is in the guest bedroom right now. You want me to move her?”

“No, no, no. Dwight gave me a badge so I’ll just go to my room. I’ll see girly tomorrow,” he said before walking off. He hadn’t been sober in three days.

Negan watched Daryl go before sighing. “I’m restricting his alcohol access. I don’t like that at all,” Negan mumbled. He turned back to Carl. “How are you feeling?”

“Why, what’s wrong with him?” Carl asked whimpering, looking up at Negan. He had never really seen someone as wasted as Daryl before. 

Negan sighed again. “He’s drunk and he keeps getting drunk. When someone drinks everyday like that, drinking that much every day, it’s really harmful to themselves and those around them,” Negan explained. “When someone is addicted to alcohol they’re called an alcoholic, and I’m afraid Daryl is either one or close to it.” Negan rubbed at his face. “He won’t be happy with me cutting him off, I’m sure, but I will not have him around you or Judith like that. He could hurt you by accident.”

“No, he couldn’t. He would never hurt me Negan,” Carl said, pouting a little. “Like, ever. Daryl is a good guy.” He reached over and put Negan’s hand back on his tummy. “Rub and talk,” he demanded. Like a feisty, little, in-charge puppy.

Negan barked a laugh at Carl’s demand and instead of rubbing, started tickling Carl. “That’s why I said ‘by accident’, you little twerp,” Negan said playfully.

Carl squealed a little, giggling. “Negan!” he squeaked, laughing. “Oh my god.” He giggled, trying to squirm away from Negan’s hands. He reached out to grab the man's wrists but he wasn’t strong enough.

Negan giggled right back at him and started trailing his tickling fingers up Carl’s sides as he laid the boy down on the bed. He hovered over him as he kept attacking him. “Ooo, someone is ticklish!”

Carl continued to giggle frantically , smiling happily. “Negan! Negan stop!” he said smiling. “It tick-tickles!” he squealed squirming under Negan’s hold.  “What are you doing!?” he exclaimed. 

Negan stopped when Carl asked him too. He knew that what was more a reaction that all people gave when tickled more than an actual request, but he wanted Carl to know that he would stop if asked. He left his hands pressed against Carl’s sides, feeling his ribs through his hoodie. Negan steeled his face into something like quizzical confusion. “Why, I’m tickling you,” he answered, trying not to crack a smile. “I thought that was obvious.” He held it for a moment before snorting a laugh and smiling down at Carl. The boy’s smile and laugh was so infectious. 

Carl smiled back at him, taking a gasp of air, his ribs expanding against the man’s hands as he did. He couldn’t stop smiling. “I like this,” he said blushing. He tried to avoid the fact that he had gotten a little hard. Turned on by tickling. Wow. “I liked that.” He smiled and leaned up to kiss the man’s lips softly. “Makes me smile.”

Negan leaned down and pecked Carl on the lips, returning his kiss. “Good. I like when you smile. It makes me smile,” Negan said, resting his forehead against Carl’s. He closed his eyes and felt the boy breathe under his hands.

Carl smiled a little, his heart rate slowly going down. He felt crazy. The man made him feel crazy. In a good way. He giggled again and kissed Negan’s forehead. “Can we go out and get ice cream?” he asked. “I like doing that. Share an ice cream, cuddle?”

Negan hummed as Carl kissed him. He really did love when the boy showed him affection like this. He opened his eyes and nodded. “Sure. That sounds like a plan.” If sweets were involved, Negan was up for it. His sweet tooth had no bounds.

“Let me find someone to watch Judith since Daryl is…out of commission right now. I think it’s Gina’s day off. She might agree to come up.” Negan leaned in to kiss Carl once more, soft but lingering, before sitting up and letting him go. “Why don’t you go see if she’s awake or wake her up? I don’t want to leave without telling her where we’re going, hm?”

Carl pouted, shaking his head. “No, I don’t wanna,” he whined. “She’ll wanna come,” he mumbled, cuddling into the man’s side. “I wanna be alone,” he said. “Out on a real date like a real couple.”

Negan ran his fingers through Carl’s hair. “I know, I do too, but I don’t want to just  _ leave _ her and have her wake up to a semi-stranger. Imagine if that was you, hm? How would you feel?” Negan sighed. “She’s very attached to you, Carl, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but something to be aware of. Go talk to her. Tell her I’ll find something for just you two to do one day soon, and something for just me and her to do.” He leaned down and kissed Carl’s temple. “Please?”

Carl nodded, smiling. “Okay, Negan.” He giggled happily before getting up off the bed. God, Negan was so sweet. He was having a good day. Today was good. Everything was good. 

Carl went into the guest room to see Judith in bed, sleeping happily. He went over and got on the bed, petting her hair. “Judy,” he said. “Judy wake up.” He smiled. Her big blue eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him, smiling. “Hey, me and Negan are going out,” he said smiling. “And we just wanted to tell you.”

…

Negan watched Carl scamper out, hoping that went well. He took his phone out, calling Gina. It turned out it was her weekend to have her son, and she said she’d love to bring him up for Judith to play with. Negan thanked her and told her to come up in about ten minutes, hanging up and getting his shoes back on. Hopefully meeting someone new would help distract Judith from Negan taking Carl away.

…

Judith whimpered and hugged Carl’s arm. “No!” she whined. “Don’t leave me again, please!” she said.

Carl whimpered and leaned down, kissing her head. “No, it’s okay Judy. I promise I’ll be back, but I have to- do adult things,” he said. That’s always what he told her before.

Judith looked up and nodded quickly, letting go of Carl’s arms instantly.

…

Ready to go, Negan left his room and went to the living room to wait for Gina and give Carl some more time with Judith. He hoped things were going well. He started looking up ice cream places near by on his phone while he waited.

…

Carl kissed Judith on the forehead and she smiled. “JSS?” she asked. 

Carl nodded a bit. “Promise,” he said and did a little signal with his hands that was their own way of signing to say ‘I love you’ before leaving the room, heading out to see Negan.

Negan was leaning against the back of the couch as Carl walked out. He put his phone away and smiled at the boy. “Gina will be here soon. She’s bringing her son, Noah. I think Judith and him will get along nicely.” He opened his arms, gesturing for Carl to come to him.

Carl smiled and held onto the man, hugging him tightly with a small giggle. He loved just being happy with him. “I love you so much Negan. What did I do to deserve you?” he asked, giggling.

Negan hugged Carl back, rubbing his back. “I love you too, Carl. I think maybe the universe just knew we needed each other,” he said, kissing Carl’s head. “If that doesn’t sound too cheesy for you.” He chuckled. The elevator dinged. “Oh!” Negan detached himself from Carl to go over and open the door for Gina. The woman waved at him with a smile.

“Hello, Negan! Hello, Carl!” She stepped into the room. Her son was holding her hand and followed behind her. 

“Hi, Mr. Negan,” he said waving. Negan crouched down and held his palm up. Noah laughed and high-fived it.

“Hey, how ya doin’, Noah? How old are you now? You’re so big!” Negan ruffled Noah’s short brown hair.

“Five!” he said, holding up the correct amount of fingers.

“Wow!” Negan acted super surprised. Gina giggled. “Hey, I have someone I want you to meet. You just wait right here, ok?” Noah nodded as Negan stood and headed back to the guest bedroom. The little boy bounced on his heels and looked up at Carl, waving at him.

Carl smiled happily at the kid. He liked that Noah looked up at him like he wasn’t a monster. Like he saw more than his scarred face. “Hi Noah, my name is Carl,” he said, crouching down to the boys height, grinning. 

…

Negan went to the doorway of the guest bedroom and knocked on the frame. “Knock knock, Judy. Can I come in?”

Judith was on the bed, hugging her knees. She nodded a little. “Okay,” she called out although it was only a bit louder than a whisper. She had her new wolf toy tucked into her arm. She was shaking. Her heart was speeding and she could feel her nose twitching just the same as her brother’s did.

Negan came into the room, thinking he heard an ok from the girl. He sat next to her on the bed and rubbed her back. “Hey, girlie. Did Carl tell you that me and him are gonna go out?” he asked softly.

She nodded softly. “Yeah. Adult things,” she said nervously, picking at the skin on her arms, scared.

Negan reached over and covered her arm with his hand, rubbing soothingly. “Well, I don’t know what ‘adult things’ means, but we’re just going out for ice cream,” Negan said, cocking his head to the side. “I know I’m taking him away from you, but it’s just for a little bit. Did he tell you that I’m going to plan something for just you and Carl to do? And something for just you and me too.” He kissed her head.

“Scary things,” she whispered while Negan spoke. When he’d finished, she lit up. Yay! More activities for him and Negan, and Carl and her. “Really?” She smiled and looked down at his hand on her. “I’m so excited.”

Negan smiled. “Yes, really. Don’t worry. I’m not gonna steal Carl from you. I just wanna share him, ok?” He chuckled. “If you think of things you want to do, let me know, ok?” He ran his thumb over her arm. “I love you, Judith.”

“Can I share you too?” she asked, hugging onto Negan’s arm. “I love you too.” She smiled. “Like Carl.” She leaned over kissing his shoulder.

Negan laughed and petted Judith’s hair. “Of course, darlin’.” He wrapped his arms around her and brought her into his lap. “I’ll spend time with both of you together and separate and you can have Carl all to yourself some days. Sound good?” He bounced her slightly.

She liked that plan and nodded quickly. “Yes, I like that.” She giggled happily, looking up at him as she was brought in his lap. “You are very nice.”

“Good, good. Thank you, Judith. I just want you and your brother to be happy,” Negan said, smiling at her. “Now, I’ve got someone here who I want you to meet. He’s gonna keep you company while Carl and I go out. You wanna go meet him?”

Judith nodded a little. “Yes please,” she said smiling.

…

Noah smiled back at Carl. He loved to meet new people. “Hi, Carl! Do you live here too?” Gina smiled and let go of Noah’s hand, going to sit at one of the bar stools and watch over the two from a distance. “I come here every other week! Will I see you more? I like your hair! It’s really long!” Gina smiled at his rapid-fire questions.

Carl smiled. Oh my god, he loved the kid’s interest. “I do live here. And thank you. I like my hair too,” he said touching the ends. “You only live here every other week? Why is that?” Carl asked. He didn’t know the dynamics of kids with divorced parents.

Noah reached forward and softly touched the ends of Carl’s hair as the boy had just done himself. “Cause I go see my dad the other weeks. My parents don’t live together. They used to, but not anymore. They’re happier this way. Right, momma?” He looked over at Gina who nodded with a smile.

“That’s right, dear. Me and Noah’s dad were married, but we realized that we didn’t love each other as much as we thought, so we got a divorce,” Gina explained.

Noah nodded. “Now, I have two houses!” He giggled.

Carl smiled. “That’s super cool. Two whole houses just for you and your parents.” Carl had the kid talk tone down pat, even if he was a little clunky with the subject matter.

Noah nodded. He glanced at Carl’s missing eye, but his mom had taught him well. He knew not to bring up or stare at people who looked different. He learned it when he first met Dwight. “Do you know Mr. Negan?” Noah asked, switching topics as a kid does. “I like him. He gives me high fives and lets me swim in his pool.”

Carl smiled happily, nodding. “Yes, I know Mr. Negan. We were enemies but now we are a couple,” he said smiling. “He also lets me swim in the pool. It’s very very fun, isn’t it?” He grinned.

Gina’s eyebrows raised at Carl’s comment about him and Negan being a couple, but she didn’t say anything. Noah grinned and nodded excitedly. “Yeah! We should swim together sometime! I’m still learning, but I can swim without floaties now!” He clapped his hands.

Carl smiled and nodded. “Same with my little sister, Judy. She can only swim with floaties because she’s too little and doesn’t touch the bottom of the pool floor.” He smiled. 

Noah’s eyes lit up. “You have a little sister? Is that who Mr. Negan went to go get? Is she my age? What is she like?” He bounced excitedly.

Carl smiled, nodding. “She is four years old. Her birthday was nine days ago.” He giggled. “She’s a smart kid and she really likes animals.”

Negan walked into the living room just as Noah was clapping his hands and saying, “I like animals! I like dinosaurs too! Does she like dinosaurs?” Negan could only guess they were talking about Judith.

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” Negan said, turning Judith so that she could see Noah. Noah looked over and waved at Judith. Negan brought her closer and set her down a couple of feet away.

“Hi! I’m Noah!” the little boy said, smiling at Judith.

Judith froze up a little, looking at the boy. He was small, like her? He was talking to her. This friend thing was never taught to her.

Carl looked at Judith and gave her a weird look before realizing she had never met someone her own age before. Even though it was a one year difference Judith was a lot smaller than the boy. 

“Hello,” Judith said, her voice a lot quieter. She wanted to stay in Negan’s arms for a bit but she was put down. “I’m Judith,” she said with a smile.

Negan stayed right behind Judith, giving her a chance to talk to Noah but not leaving her alone.

Noah stepped closer, noticing that Judith was shy. “Hi, Judith! I like your hair. It’s very curly,” he said, pointing at it. Gina smiled from her seat on the stool, catching Negan’s eye and nodding at him.

Judith smiled. “Thank you. I like your shirt,” she said, pointing to the dino on it with a smile. 

Noah looked down at his shirt, forgetting what he was wearing, but then looked back up with a grin. “Thank you! This is a stegosaurus,” he said, pointing to the dinosaur. “It’s my favorite dinosaur! Do you like dinosaurs?”

Judith smiled. “Is that what's on your shirt?” she asked. This was her first time seeing one. Carl went into the bedroom, grabbing wolf Negan and bringing it back to the kids.

Noah’s eyes followed as the older boy left and then came back. He gasped. “Is that a wolf? That’s so cool!”

“Yeah, I like them,” she smiled she looked up at Carl. “That's Negan. He’s my wolf.” She took it from Carl and hugged it tightly.

Noah smiled and started talking about dinosaurs, explaining them as best he could to Judith. He complimented her wolf and talked about that too. He just liked to talk.

Negan could see that things were going to go well between them, so he turned to Carl. “Alright, are you ready to go?”

Carl nodded happily. “Yeah let’s go.” He giggled, hanging off of Negan’s arms, jumping up and down a little. “Or should I change?”

“Whatever you want, Carl. You look cute as is though,” Negan said, pushing some of Carl’s hair behind his ear.

Gina watched the two with a small smile, keeping an eye on the kids as well. She was happy for Negan. He looked happy.

“Then I’ll stay in this.” He giggled. He loved the man’s touch. “Then let's go. Bye bye, Judy,” he said, walking to the elevator. Negan patted Judith’s curls and said goodbye to her, Noah and Gina, promising to be back soon, before following Carl into the elevator. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Negan go out for ice cream while Judith plays with a new friend. When the boys come home, a fun package awaits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya~ Thanks for reading.
> 
> The end of this chapter gets into some fun pet play stuff that will become a bit of a theme later on in the story. Get excited!

“There’s a place right around the block. I figured we could walk. It’s nice enough outside and some fresh air is always good,” Negan suggested to Carl.

Carl nodded excitedly. “Yeah, that seems good!” he said, bouncing as he held Negan. He was childish in many ways but it was a part of his charm.

Negan chuckled at Carl’s excitement, loving to see the boy so happy. They made their way down and out of the building, Negan leading the way along the sidewalk. It was late afternoon, the sun was getting lower in the sky. There was a good amount of cars on the road, people driving home after weekend activities, and a few people also walking the sidewalk. Negan held Carl’s hand and told him to stick close.

Carl squeezed the man’s hand with a little purr as he scampered along beside him. “What are you gonna get?” he asked, beaming as he looked up at Negan.

Negan thought as he swung Carl’s hand lightly. “Probably a turtle sundae. I’m feeling like caramel and chocolate,” he answered. “What about you? You know what you want?”

“Probably strawberry.” He smiled. “I like fruit-flavored things.”

“Sounds good,” Negan said, looking through the windows of the shops they walked by. A few people inside waved to him, and he nodded back.

They reached the ice cream parlor in about ten minutes and Negan held the door open for Carl. “After you,” he purred. Negan followed Carl in and stayed behind him.

Carl smiled. “Can I get an extra small strawberry bowl?” he asked the older man behind the counter. Negan ordered his large turtle sundae after and then moved to the register to pay. As he paid, a teen worker had Carl’s ice cream ready and handed it to him before going to work on Negan’s. Negan put his wallet away as he waited for his. “Looks good,” he said, nodding towards Carl’s. “How is it?”

Carl smiled and licked it, not having a spoon yet. He looked up, giggling, his nose covered in the soft-serve ice cream. “Yeah, it's amazing.”

Negan reached out and swiped the ice cream off Carl’s nose with his thumb, sticking it into his mouth. “Mmm, it sure is,” he licked his lips and winked at Carl. He turned as his order was completed, taking it from the worker with a thank you, picking up two spoons, sticking one into Carl’s ice cream. “Come on, let’s sit on the bench outside and eat,” Negan suggested, already sticking a spoonful of his into his mouth.

Carl nodded, strolling outside to sit on the cool black metal bench, looking out at the busy street and the park across the street. “This is super good. Thank you for taking me here.”

“You’re welcome,” Negan said, sitting next to Carl and digging into his ice cream. He hummed in pleasure as the sweet treat hit his tongue. “You want to try some of mine?” he asked, holding a spoonful out to Carl. “It’s got caramel, chocolate, and pecans~,” Negan said in a sing-song voice.

Carl smiled and leaned in, taking the spoon into his mouth before sliding back off the spoon licking his lips smiling. “I like yours but I don’t really like chocolate,” he said with a small smile. “Why is it called turtles?”

Negan took another bite of his and furrowed his eyebrows. “I dunno,” he said. “I mean there’s a candy called a turtle that is pecans, caramel, and chocolate, and I’ve seen them made where the pecans look like turtle feet and the chocolate is the shell, but I don’t know if that’s  _ why _ they’re called turtles.” He shrugged.

Carl smiled a little, he liked that answer. “That’s cute. I like that, animal-shaped treats.” He giggled, taking another spoonful of his ice cream into his mouth. He didn’t know what to say next so he just sat in happy silence, looking out at the busy folks walking by, bicyclists and drivers.

Negan ate his ice cream as they fell into a companionable silence, finishing it quickly and throwing his arm around Carl’s shoulder when he was done. Negan people watched as they sat, enjoying the thrum of city life. He wondered what it’d be like to live somewhere quiet. He didn’t know if he’d hate it or love it. He turned his head, kissing Carl’s head, before resting his cheek on it. This was nice.

Carl smiled happily, leaning up and kissing the man’s lips for a second before pulling away, still grinning like an idiot. 

“Gold digger,” a middle-aged man in a pink polo shirt scoffed at the two as he walked by. 

“What?” Carl’s brow furrowed in confusion. He never heard that phrase before.

Negan glared at the man as he kept walking. Oh, if Negan wasn’t sitting down… “Just ignore it, Carl. People are rude and can’t keep their thoughts to themselves.” He rubbed Carl’s shoulder softly. 

“What’s a gold digger?” Carl asked, confused. “Why would he call you that?”

Negan couldn’t help but laugh a bit at that, pushing a strand of Carl’s hair behind his ear. The kid wasn’t even aware  _ he _ was the one being called the gold digger, not Negan. “No, no. A gold digger is when a young person dates an older person for their money. Usually along the lines of like, the old person is going to die soon and leave all their money to the younger. He was talking to you, not me,” Negan explained, resting his hand on Carl’s cheek. “Remember what I said at the mall about people saying mean things because of people who look different? It’s the same kind of thing with our relationship. You’re barely over the legal age limit, Carl. The law can’t say shit about us, but that doesn’t mean other people can’t.”

“What? What's the legal age limit?” Carl asked, cocking his head, and cuddling into the man's side. “Why would he think that? You aren't dying any time soon, and they’re just jealous.” He giggled.

“Well, it’s different in every state, but here it’s sixteen,” Negan said, smiling at Carl’s giggles. “People just assume things without getting all the facts.” He shrugged and leaned down to kiss Carl on the lips softly. “And yes, they are just jealous. Everyone wants a delicious piece of arm candy like you~” he purred, smiling.

He blushed happily giggling. “Aww, thank you, Negan.” He smiled. He got quiet for a second before asking, “Arm candy? That's a good thing?” He smiled.

Negan nodded. “Yes, it’s a good thing. A piece of sweetness on my arm,” he said, chucking Carl under the chin with his knuckle. “And you’ll probably hear people call me a ‘sugar daddy’. Those things go hand in hand.”

Carl licked his lips looking up at the man before kissing him again. For some reason, he really liked that other people didn’t like them together. It made it more exciting. “If people didn’t like our relationship what would they think if they knew you had a gun to my head seven days ago after I tried to shoot you.” He smiled with a laugh.

Negan laughed, kissing Carl’s cheek. “They’d think we were both crazy,” he said with a wink.

“Oh, we are.” Carl smiled and leaned against Negan’s shoulder as their ice cream settled in their stomachs. The sun was just starting to set behind them, casting everything in pink light.

…

“What do you want to do now?” Judith asked Noah once he’d finished with his things in the bathroom.

Noah shrugged. “I dunno. Do you have any toys? Games?” He rocked on his heels looking around for anything. “I think my momma brought my crayons up with her. We could draw?”

She smiled. “I like drawing,” she said smiling though her tummy started to feel grumbly.

Noah took Judith’s hand softly and tugged her towards where Gina was sitting on the couch watching a show. “Momma! Do you have my crayons? We want to draw!”

“Of course, dear,” Gina said, digging through her purse and pulling out a box of crayons along with some plain printer paper she’d grabbed just in case this happened. “Here you go.” She placed the items down on the coffee table in front of the couch.

Noah smiled and sat down on the floor, grabbing a sheet of paper and a green crayon. “I’m gonna draw a T-Rex!”

Judith smiled and sat on the ground with her back to the couch, facing the coffee table, taking a piece of paper and some markers. “I’m gonna draw my mommy,” she said.

Noah started drawing the squiggly outline of his dinosaur. It was… mostly recognizable. “Do you live here with Mr. Negan too?” Noah asked while he drew.

Judith smiled. “I call him Papa,” she said drawing.

“Is your momma here too?”

“No, she’s dead,” was all she said. She drew unrecognizable scribbles. She had never seen her mom before so she hadn’t a clue of what she looked like.

Noah looked up at her sadly. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, looking at her drawing. He tilted his head, but he didn’t say anything else. He went back to his drawing, adding pointy teeth to his T-Rex. “That’s cool that Mr. Negan lets you call him Papa. He’s really nice. Do you like living here?” he asked as he started coloring in his dinosaur with large scribbles.

Judith nodded with another smile. “Yes. He is very nice,” she said, drawing a bit more roughly. “My bubba lives here too.”

Noah nodded. “I met him! He has long hair. He was nice.” Noah put down his crayon and held up his drawing to Judith. “Look! A T-Rex!” He beamed, very proud of his drawing.

She smiled looking at his drawing. “It’s a lot of colors.” She liked that a lot.

Noah nodded, setting his drawing down. He looked up at Gina. “Momma! I’m hungry!” He looked down at Judith. “Are you hungry? What’s your favorite food? You can get  _ anything _ here!”

Gina chuckled and pulled her phone out. “Yes, tell me what you want and I’ll order it up.”

“Berries,” Judith said smiling.

…

Carl cuddled into Negan. “This is lovely. The sky looks so orange.”

Negan nodded, pulling Carl closer to him. “Yeah, sunsets are usually like that.” He laughed quietly. “I’d like to take you out to the country, away from the city. You can see a real sunset and sunrise out there. No buildings in the way. No noise except birds. Now  _ that _ is a lovely sight.”

Carl smiled. “I’d love that.” He said blushing

Negan nuzzled his cheek into Carl’s head. “You ready to go home, babe? It’s gonna get dark soon.”

“Yeah. Judith will start getting antsy if we are gone for too long.”

“Alright, come on,” Negan stood, taking Carl’s hands and pulling him up onto his feet. He wrapped an arm around Carl’s waist, holding him close as they began walking back.

“Hey, you know there’s gonna be a package waiting for you at the front when we get back?” Negan said, trying to remind Carl of the things that Negan ordered the night before.

Carl’s eyes widened as he smiled. He started bouncing, beaming up at the man, his eye shining. “Oh my God! They’re here?!”

Negan snorted a laugh and nodded. “I told you they’d be here today. I got express shipping.” He booped Carl on the nose. “We can pick it up, put Judy to bed, and then you can open it, ok?”

Carl nodded. “Could we maybe play tonight?” he asked. “Dr. Carters said I should always try new things.”

Negan wasn’t sure Carters had meant  _ these _ kinds of new things, but, hey, Carl wanted to, so who was Negan to deny him. “Sure, Carl. You can take a look at everything I got and choose what you want to wear and do, ok?” He smiled at the boy. “I think you’re gonna like them~”

“Oh, I know I’m gonna like them.“ Carl skipped down the sidewalk smiling, hand and hand with Negan.

…

Naomi sat behind the front counter as Carl and Negan arrived. When Carl scampered to the front to find his package, frantically looking around, they laughed. “Are you looking for something?”

Negan walked up behind Carl and waved at Naomi. “Hey, Naomi. There should be a package here for me?”

“Oh, yes. It’s right here,” Naomi scooted back in their chair and pulled out a decent sized box from under the desk. “Here ya go,” they said, handing it to Carl.

Carl happily took the box from the person, jumping up and down. “Oh my god, I’m so excited,” he said to Negan before turning to the person and thanking them.

Negan laughed and thanked Naomi as well, escorting Carl through the turnstiles and to the elevator. Negan was trying not to vibrate with excitement himself. He could not  _ wait _ to see the look on Carl’s face when he saw the things he’d bought, and he could not wait to see them  _ on _ Carl. He felt a shiver run up his spine already.

Carl smiled and jiggled the box. Since most of it was soft he didn’t hear much, but he did hear something solid being jostled around. He had no idea what it was. God, he was so excited.

The doors opened with a ding when they reached Negan’s room. Negan could smell food and knew that Gina must have ordered some dinner up. He looked over and saw Gina on the couch, Noah next to her and Judith next to him, an animated movie playing on the TV. Noah looked like he was ready to pass out, his little eyes barely open.

Judith was the same way as Noah, her eyes barely open as she fought to watch the TV and stay awake. Like a little kid, she didn’t want to miss anything so she didn’t want to go to bed. She was so exhausted, though, from the day at the doctors and hanging out with a new friend.

Gina looked over as Negan and Carl entered. “Hey, guys. You have a good time?”

Carl hugged Negan’s arm and nodded, holding the box in his other hand. “Yes, a very very good time.”

Gina smiled. “Well, I’m glad. I guess we’ll be off then. Judith was an angel. Please, if you want to have a playdate with Noah just call me,” Gina said, turning to lift Noah easily off the couch and cradle him in her arms. Noah huffed slightly but was too tired to fight back, resting his head against his mother’s shoulder.

“Bye, Judith. See you later,” he said, yawning.

“Bye-bye Noah,” Judith said, watching him go.

Gina walked to the elevator, passing Negan as he walked to the couch to pick up Judith in the same fashion. “Hey, darlin. Are you ready to go to bed? Did you have fun with Noah?”

“I missed you guys.” She yawned and reached up to be held like Noah’s mom had held him.

Negan scooped Judith up, holding her close, rubbing her back. “Aww, we missed you too,” Negan said, heading back towards the guest bedroom, which was slowly becoming Judith’s bedroom in his mind. “What did you do while we were gone?” Negan asked, quietly.

“Color, and play with stuffies, and eat lots of fruit.” She sniffled against his chest.

“Well, that sounds like loads of fun,” Negan said, sitting up on the guest bed and peeling Judith off of him to lay her down. He pulled the blanket up around her, kissed her head, and looked around for her wolf. He didn’t see it and wondered if it was still in the living room. “Carl?” he called out. “Is Judith’s wolf out there?”

Carl saw the wolf on the floor and grabbed it, trotting in to give it to Judy. “I got it.” He smiled, blushing a little. He handed it to Negan to give to her. “You have fun?” he asked Judith and smiled as she nodded.

Negan tucked the wolf in next to Judith, petting her curls down. “Alright, you sleep now, Judy-bug. We’ll see you in the morning, ok? Goodnight.” Negan leaned down to give her another kiss before hopping off the bed and letting Carl say goodnight.

“Night Judy. Love you,” he whispered and kissed her head.

“Love you too, bubba.” She smiled at him. Carl left quickly, turning the light off and shutting the door halfway, scampering out to the living room to see Negan.

Negan was holding the box that Carl had set down when he brought the wolf to Judith. He looked over as the boy came into the room, but quickly gestured for him to go back. “Let’s go to my bedroom. Come on,” he said, carrying the box and heading back.

Once there, Negan set the box down on his bed and dug a pair of scissors out from his bedside drawer. He sliced the tape whilst holding the box closed, putting the scissors back when he was done.

The anticipation of watching Negan cut open the box was killing Carl. He was getting closer and closer to his surprise and his fingers were tingling.

Negan sat down on his bed next to the box and gestured to the box. “Alright. Dig in.”

Sitting down on the bed next to Negan, criss-cross style, Carl put the box in his lap and opened the flaps on the box. The first thing he saw was a pastel purple and blue ribbon collar with a bell on it that matched his outfit.

Negan looked over Carl’s shoulder, resting his chin there. “When you pull the things out, lay them on the bed so we can see everything at once, yeah?” Negan suggested, wrapping his arms around Carl’s waist.

Carl squeaked a bit when the man hugged around his waist. He nodded a little, gently resting the first collar down. He soon rested all seven collars out on the bed. They were an array of pastels and lace as well as a few black and chains. His eye was stuck to the leather one.

Negan looked over all the collars. They were much more beautiful in reality than they had been online. He hummed, his chest vibrating against Carl’s back. “They’re pretty, aren’t they?” he asked. “Which one do you like the most?”

Carl whimpered. The boy always had something to say but when he was turned on he was usually pretty non-verbal. He reached up to point at the first one he’d taken out and the leather one. He loved them all and on other days he would probably have preferred other ones, but today those were his favorites.

Negan hummed again, looking at the collars Carl had pointed to. He was kind of surprised he’d chosen the leather one. Negan had picked that one and the other black and red ones mainly for his own tastes, but he was glad Carl seemed to be into them too. “Mmm, good choices,” he said, placing a kiss to Carl’s neck. “See what else is in there, yeah?” Negan spoke softly, making sure not to jostle him or move too fast.

Carl nodded and took out, one, two, three, four sets of ears. He smiled and held the clip in ones in his hand, petting them. He liked them a lot.

Negan reached forward and ran his finger over one of the ears Carl was holding. “Mmm, soft.” He brought his arm back down to where it had been around Carl. “You like those?” he asked.

Carl nodded again, moving closer to the man. He felt almost dizzy with excitement. He wanted to be held and touch and cuddled. He licked his lips, looking up into the mirror. Was white his shade of fur? Oh god, what did he just think to himself?

“There’s a couple more things in there,” Negan said, gesturing to the box. Negan had to admit, the tails were probably going to be his favorite part. There was something about the thought of Carl with a fluffy tail stuck to him that was  _ so _ attractive.

Carl put all the ears but one down on the bed, keeping it in his lap just to touch before taking out the waist tail. It looked like a tail but it had ribbons on it. He held it up and gave Negan a quizzical look, wondering how it worked

Negan reached out and petted the tail, loving the softness of the fur. “This one ties around your waist. See these ribbons here?” Negan shook one of the long ribbons that hung down from the end of the tail. “They just go around you, tie them, and you’ve got a tail.”

Carl slowly got up and moved so that he was standing between the man’s legs. He put the tail in Negan’s lap and put his arms out to show that he was ready.

Negan smiled, holding one of the ribbons in his left hand as he moved the tail around to the back of Carl before taking the other ribbon in his right. He brought them forward, making sure the tail was positioned right at the base of Carl’s spine before tying the ribbons in the front in a nice bow. He adjusted Carl’s hoodie so that it kind of covered the ribbons and made the tail look natural. “There ya go.”

Carl looked behind himself before swaying his hips back and forth happily. He liked this a lot, and it showed in his pants, his prince parts getting harder. He smiled, looking back at Negan before sitting back in his place and pulling out the next tail. It had something weird in the end.

Negan smiled at Carl, noticing just how excited the boy was getting from all this. When Carl sat back down, Negan wrapped his arms around him again. Carl pulled out the next tail and Negan felt himself shiver at the sight of it. The plug was shiny smooth stainless steel. “That is a tail plug,” Negan explained slowly and calmly. “This part,” he pointed to the metal end, “goes inside of you.” Negan placed his hand softly on Carl’s butt, hoping the boy got the picture. “We don’t have to use those just yet if you’re not comfortable with that, ok?” Carl had an unreadable look on his face.

He wasn’t so sure himself on how he felt about the plug. Something inside him, it just makes him feel dirty, and not in a good way. But he knew they could work on it. ‘Work on the things that scare you,’ Doctor Carters had said to him earlier that day. He looked up at Negan and began to smile when he saw how happy the man seemed when he saw the tail. “You like?” he said and his voice wasn’t like normal. It was softer, more passive.

Negan studied Carl’s face, thrown off by the soft voice. He swallowed and nodded. “Yes, I like it, but only if you like it too, ok?” He reached up and placed his hand softly to Carl’s cheek. “That’s why I got the tie on one too. I’m happy with what makes you happy, ok?”

Carl nodded a little and pushed his cheek into the man’s hand. He loved the feeling of his hands on him. “Can… Can I ask you something? You promise you won't be mad?”

Negan’s eyebrows knitted softly and he pulled back a little to see Carl’s face better. “Sure, Carl. I promise. Ask me anything.”

“Can I… Can I call you Daddy? Just sometimes. I just, I… it’s not because of my dad. I just- I like it.” He was whispering and mumbling the whole thing. Why was he so scared? It was just a yes or no thing. Was this what social rejection was?

Negan tensed slightly at first, but when Carl said it wasn’t related to Rick, he relaxed. He’d heard Carl call Rick ‘daddy’ many times, but here and now, he could tell that Carl meant it as something else. Negan nodded, smiling. “Sure you can, babe. That’s fine by me,” he answered, leaning forward to peck Carl on the cheek.

The boy smiled and reached over, hugging him tightly, smiling. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” He giggled. “Daddy.” He smiled licking his lips.

Negan laughed softly, hugging Carl back. He squeezed him before relaxing and running a hand down his back and over the tail tied around his waist. “You’re welcome, babe.” He kissed Carl’s cheek. “Is there anything left in the box?” Negan asked, memory failing on what he’d bought.

Carl looked in the box and smiled. It was a letter. He picked up the letter, the front said ‘to all the little kitties and doms receiving our products’. He handed it to Negan to read out loud.

Negan took the letter, looking quizzically at it. He popped the seal and unfolded it. “It says, ‘Thank you for your purr-chase. We hope you have a fun and safe time enjoying your new toys…’ blah blah…” Negan quickly scanned the letter. “It just says thanks and talks about if we have any questions to see the FAQ page on their site.” Negan folded the letter back up and set it on his bedside table. He looked over all the stuff on his bed and then back at Carl. “Do you like your new things?” he asked.

Carl nodded happily before leaning in and kissing the man. He loved them all and he was very happy with them. Within a minute Carl had thrown his leg over the man's lap and was straddling him as he kissed, resting on the man’s thighs as his tail swished against his legs.

Negan hummed into the kiss, pulling Carl closer to him using his hands on Carl’s waist. He was glad Carl liked the things he had bought for him. He couldn’t wait to see the boy in all of them. Negan smoothed his hand over Carl’s lower back, running back and forth before petting down the tail. It was  _ so _ soft.

The boy cuddled into his chest and neck, nuzzling against him. He tried something out, just to see what Negan’s would think. He started to make a noise similar to a purr. He loved being held by the man. His hands around him. It made him feel safe.

Negan kissed Carl’s shoulder, holding him close. He laughed softly when Carl started  _ purring _ . He grinned and reached up to run his fingers through Carl’s hair. “Aww, is my kitten happy?” he said quietly, smiling.

Carl nodded happily, cuddling into the man. He just sat there before pushing against the man's chest a little trying to get him to fall back.

Negan looked at Carl, confused when he started pushing on him. He wasn’t pushing him away… oh, was he pushing him down? Negan wondered if he should ask Carl to use his words, but at the moment, Carl was pretty much in control, so Negan would let him stay quiet. He scooted back farther on the bed, bringing Carl with him before reaching behind him and carefully moving some of the collars over to the side, out of harm's way. Then he laid back, reaching up to cup Carl’s cheek with his hand. “Is this what you want, kitten?”

Carl nodded softly, finally laying down on top of the man, blanketing him. He was tired. He had a hard day, but he didn’t want to give up this intimacy.

Negan wrapped his arms around Carl, squeezing him softly, rubbing circles on his back. This was nice. Negan liked this. He lifted his head to kiss Carl’s before dropping it back down. “I love you, Carl.”

“I love you too,” Carl whispered. The last thing he remembered was closing his eyes for just a second in the crook of Negan’s neck before he fell into the warm darkness of sleep.

Negan fell asleep not long after, the warmth from Carl easing him into dreamland. It’d been a long day for them all, and it was nice to finally just slip away.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and Judith go on a little outing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait on chapters! Life is crazy right now. Hope y'all enjoy~

The next morning, Carl woke up with an intense need to pee. He whimpered sadly, slowly unraveling himself from Negan’s arms, sitting up and feeling the liquid slosh in his bladder. He got up and stumbled into the bathroom. 

Negan stirred slightly as Carl got up, but he didn’t fully wake up. He turned onto his side and relaxed again, shivering slightly from the loss of warmth. 

When Carl was done peeing, he started up the shower. He took out his nice soap and started to strip, putting the tail and the ears on the hamper. 

Negan reached out, grabbing a pillow in his sleep and hugged it to himself. The sound of the water pattering in the shower just lulled him deeper to sleep. 

After his shower, Carl came out into the bedroom, naked and trying to find clothes. He got out a short pink skirt, putting it on before picking out a pastel-colored shirt. 

Negan was snoring softly, still curled around the pillow on his bed. If he didn’t have an alarm or a person to wake him, he could sleep for days. 

Carl put his tail back on and a pair of the clip in ears and began going through Negan’s stuff. He wanted to see what he had. 

Negan’s drawers were mostly filled with his clothes. A few still held articles of Lucille’s clothing buried deep in the back (a dress, a shirt, a pair of panties). On top of the dressers were random odds and ends. Loose change, a hairbrush, a framed photo of him and Lucille, a small sketchbook. His closet held more clothes and shoes. 

Carl sighed, finding nothing that interested him much. He put it all back in its place before going to Negan’s bedside table and grabbing his phone. It was locked so he took the man’s hand and used his thumb to unlock it. He smiled and looked through the apps. This was super cool. He managed to find his way to the app store and downloaded angry birds. When he was good at dinner, or after running errands, Shane would always let him play angry birds on his phone. 

Negan stirred a bit when Carl touched him, his snores stuttering. The sounds of birds flying and exploding sneaked into his subconscious, pulling him slowly from his slumber. He yawned, cracking one eye open and looking at Carl playing on his phone. He hummed, closing his eyes again and just listening. 

The boy whimpered a little when he didn’t kill all the pigs. He slowly moved down to sit, or rather kneel near Negan’s bedside, turning the volume down in an attempt not to wake him. 

When Carl knelt down, Negan frowned slightly. He could tell the boy was trying to be quiet, but he wanted him near. He shifted on the bed slightly, eyes still closed, positioning himself so that he could throw his arm over the side of the bed and flick at one of Carl’s cat ears softly. 

Carl whined softly as the ears were flicked. “Negan~,” he whined quietly, blushing as he continued his game. 

Negan smiled softly at his name being whined out. He let his fingers rub at the ears before falling to Carl’s head and rubbing at the spot where the ears were clipped to his hair. Negan sighed contently, letting his hand just rest on Carl’s head whilst he drifted in and out. 

Carl sighed before getting off Angry Birds and going through other parts of the man's phone. He was looking for something interesting. He found an app that was called xvideos and opened it. He whimpered a little, beginning to squirm on his knees, feeling his crotch tighten up. On-screen was a trans boy. He was tied down to a bed with similar-looking kitten gear as Carl’s. Soon the person behind the camera pushed a ball at the end of a wand against the boy’s privates and he started to moan. 

Negan registered the fact that he couldn’t hear the sounds of Angry Birds anymore, but not enough for him to look at what Carl was doing now. He continued to softly pet the boy’s head, waking up a bit more, but still content with not getting up. When he heard the moan from his phone, his eyes flew open. _SHIT._ He quickly sat up and looked down at what Carl was watching. His first instinct was to grab the phone away, but he held back, not wanting Carl to think he was in trouble because he really wasn’t. Well… technically he unlocked Negan’s phone when he shouldn’t have. 

Something yelled inside of Negan to get the video away from Carl, but it wasn’t like Carl wasn’t old enough to be watching porn. Negan just didn’t know how it would affect the boy. “Hey, hey. Carl, let me have my phone, please,” he said softly, holding his hand out. 

Carl pouted and looked up at the man, handing him his phone back. He looked down, pouting to himself. He didn’t like that the phone was taken away but it was Negan’s after all. 

“Thank you,” Negan said, letting out a breath, quickly closing the app and locking his phone. He patted Carl’s head. “I’m sorry, I panicked a little there. I’ll get you your own phone and you can play all the games you want, but… you better let me hang on to mine, ok?” 

Carl nodded with a little pout. “Okay,” he said leaned against the soft mattress. “Who was that?” he asked about the video. Negan looked at his phone, even though it was off. “Oh, um, I don’t know.” He shrugged. “It was just an amateur porn video which means it could be anyone with a camera and an internet connection. People don’t watch those videos to... know who the people are. It’s just to watch them get off so then you can get off to it.” Negan had no idea if he was explaining this well enough. 

Carl nodded a bit and looked at his hands, anxiously picking at them. He didn’t know how he felt about it. He felt kind of weird. 

Negan noticed Carl’s anxious picking. He set his phone on his bedside table before reaching down and taking Carl’s hands in his. “Come up here, babe.” He gestured to the bed with his head. “Do you have questions? What’s wrong?” 

Carl slowly climbed up and got onto the bed with Negan. “I don’t know. I just feel weird,” he mumbled. 

“Good weird? Bad weird?” He stroked the back of Carl’s hands with his thumbs. “Describe it to me.” Negan was worried now. Had the video triggered something? 

“My stomach hurts,” he said. “And I feel hot.” He whimpered. He was turned on by the video but he still thought it was a bit scary since the boy was tied down. 

Negan hummed, reaching up and placing his hands on Carl’s cheeks before running them slowly down his neck to rest on his shoulders. He leaned forward. “Does it hurt, or does it just feel tight?” he asked, running his hands down from Carl’s shoulders to rest on his stomach. 

He shook his head no. “No, it doesn't hurt. It feels tight but… I’m not sure,” he said and cuddled into the man's side. “Maybe food will help?” 

Negan nodded. If Carl wanted food he wasn’t about to deny him that. “Alright, I’ll order up some food. You go check on Judith, yeah?” He kissed Carl’s cheek, eyes trailing up to the cat ears on top of Carl’s head. “Oh, and make sure you take off the ears and tail. These things stay in here with us, ok?” 

Carl nodded softly. “Yeah, just between us.” He giggled up at Negan with a bright smile. He took off the tail and ears and left to go wake up Judy. 

Negan packed up the collars and ears and tails into the box they came in and set it at the end of his bed. He’d have to get a nice box for it all later. He ordered up food as he made his way to the living room, plopping down on the couch. 

Soon Carl came out with Judith on his hip, bouncing her lightly as he hummed. “She’s up.” Carl smiled as the little girl rubbed her eyes. 

Negan laughed. “Yes, I see that. Food’ll be here soon.” He held his hands out towards Judith and made a grabby motion with his hands. “How’d you sleep, Judith?” 

Carl came over and handed Judith off to Negan. “I had a bad dream.” She sniffled looking up at Carl as she was put in Negan’s arms. 

“Oh, no!” Negan held her close. “I’m sorry, Judy-bug. You wanna tell us what happened?” 

She continued to look at Carl before shaking her head no. Carl frowned a bit, crossing his arms. 

Negan hummed. “Alright, that’s ok.” He kissed Judith’s temple. He noticed the way she was looking at Carl the whole time and wondered if it was about him. Negan hoped it was nothing too bad. 

She cuddled into his chest as Carl turned on the TV to watch cartoons. 

The food arrived soon after and Negan set Judith down next to Carl on the couch to go retrieve it. He spoke with the waiter for a moment about getting meals delivered automatically for breakfast, lunch, and dinner so that Negan didn’t always have to call down, discussing the different foods he’d like each day. The waiter nodded and soon left to go back to the kitchen. Carl was holding his knees while he watched the TV. His toes curled every so often, anxious. Judith suddenly began to cry. Carl picked up Judith, hugging her a little. “Shh, Judy, come on. It's all okay,” he said shushing her. 

Negan gathered up food onto two plates and was walking back to the siblings when Judith started to cry. He frowned and set down the plates on the coffee table. “Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” He knelt down next to the couch, putting a hand on Carl’s knee and looking at Judith with concern. 

She cried in Carl’s arms as he reached up to pet her hair. “Judith it’s okay,” Carl said before Judith reached up and punched him in the face. 

“Woah! Hey! No hitting!” Negan called out, quickly reaching up and taking each of Judith’s hands into one of his and holding them down with enough force so that she couldn’t move them, but not enough to hurt. “Judith, what’s wrong?” 

“It’s your fault!” she yelled at Carl. “My fault for what?” He asked softly. He was still in shock that she’d hit him. “Daddy doesn't love us anymore because of you,” she said. 

Negan swallowed when he heard the words from Judith. He stayed quiet, keeping hold of her hands, but stroking his thumb soothingly over the backs of them. _Shit._ He never thought Judith was attached to Rick. 

Carl’s eye widened when he looked down at her, tears starting to form. “He-He still loves us, Judith. It’s okay,” he said, rubbing her arm softly. “You didn’t do what he said, so I got put in the bad box! You didn’t listen, so you had to leave me! You didn’t listen, and now daddy is gone!” 

Negan sighed and looked down at the ground. He didn’t know what to say to Judith to help her. Help her see that their father was a bad man. Help her see that it wasn’t Carl’s fault. He didn’t have the words for her. He also didn’t have the words for Carl, who still believed their father loved them. Negan hung his head, leaning forward to bump it against Judith’s back. 

Judith started to kick her legs, hitting against Carl’s legs. “I hate you!” she yelled. “No, you don’t,” Carl said. “Yes, I do! I want daddy!” she screamed in his face. 

“Judith, Judith. Stop, please. No kicking,” Negan said, letting go of one hand to place it on her leg, at least holding one down. “Don’t yell at Carl. It- it’s not his fault.” 

Judith started screaming louder. Carl didn’t know what to do. He started to cry too. “You hate me after all I did?” he sobbed. “I killed my mom for you!” he yelled. “I did horrible things so you didn’t have too!” 

_Shit. Shit. Shit._ Negan rose up on his knees, wrapping an arm around Judith and pulling her into his chest, holding her close, while also reaching a hand out and cupping Carl’s cheek, wiping the tears off his face. “Hey, now. Hey. Both of you, please! Calm down!” He kept his voice just under a yell, loud enough to be heard over Judith but not harsh. Just pleading. “Please, shh.” 

Carl stopped but Judith continued to have her meltdown. She no longer kicked or yelled words but she couldn’t stop crying. Carl tried to hold in his tears but it was hard hearing Judith sob like this. 

Negan dropped his hand off Carl when he saw that the boy was reigning it in and hugged Judith close, kissing the side of her head. “Shh, shh. Judith, please. It’s ok. You’re safe now. Please.” He rested his head on top of hers, rubbing her arms and holding back tears himself. 

It took another ten minutes to chill out. Her sniffles died down as she looked up at Negan. “I’m hungry,” she whined. 

Negan laughed wetly, a few tears had run down his cheeks while he was trying to console Judith. “Ok,” he whispered, nodding. “Ok.” He let go of her, rubbing her back softly and reached behind him to grab one of the plates of food. He placed it on Judith’s lap, putting it between Carl and Judith. He grabbed the other one and placed that one on the couch next to the two of them. Negan sighed, swiping at his tears. “There ya go. Eat up,” he said softly. 

Judith nodded and started eating like she didn’t just say the worst thing she could have said to Carl at that moment. Carl couldn’t eat. He was doing his best not to puke right there and then. He just, just couldn't. He would have reached over to wipe away Negan’s tears if he could but he was just frozen. 

Negan knew Carl wasn’t going to eat. Even Negan didn’t want to eat after that, and he was sure Carl felt ten times worse. Negan reached over and took Carl’s hand, squeezing it gently. He nudged Judith’s head with his nose. “Judith, will you please apologize to your brother? We both know you don’t hate him, and you’ve made him very sad saying that you did,” Negan spoke softly into her ear. 

She sniffled and little and nodded. “I’m sorry, bubba. I don't hate you,” she whispered softly. “It’s okay, Judith.” Carl copied Negan, digging his nose in her hair. “I’d hate me too.” 

Negan raised his hand up to hold Carl’s cheek, pressing close to both kids at once. “Hush now,” he said lightly to Carl. “You both were in terrible situations and did what you had to do to survive. What matters is that you still have each other. Never let go of that, you guys hear me?” 

Carl nodded but Judith was more reluctant before giving in. “Okay,” she whispered before looking back at the cartoon whilst eating her muffin. 

Negan looked at Carl, pushing his hand back from his cheek to the back of his head. “You ok?” Negan said very softly, almost just mouthing it. 

Carl nodded softly continuing to look down at her. Maybe he should let Negan take her for the day. 

Negan sat with the siblings, watching Judith eat and just resting his hands on Carl to help comfort him. An episode of the cartoon went by before Negan said, “Judith, do you want to go to the park today? There’s a pond there. With ducks.” 

“Ducks?” She immediately brightened up, smiling widely at Negan and reaching out to grab his face with her small hands. “I love ducks!” she said excitedly. 

Negan smiled and laughed. “I know you do,” he said, turning his head to kiss one of her hands. He looked up at Carl. “Would you like to join us, Carl?” Negan wouldn’t be surprised if the boy said no. He probably needed some space form Judith after that meltdown. 

Carl shook his head no. “No, I wanna stay here,” he said softly. 

“Alright, that’s fine, Carl,” Negan said. “I’ll get an elevator pass for you sent up, ok? Try to eat something while we’re gone, please.” 

Judith continued to smile. “Now?” 

Negan looked to Judith. “Yes, we can go now if you’re done eating.” 

She suddenly shoved a whole half a muffin into her little mouth before turning to Negan and nodded. “Yeah, thanks. Could I also get a phone?” Carl cocked his head. 

Negan snorted at Judith. “Chew, girl. Chew!” He rubbed her back, looking up at Carl. “Yes, of course. I’ll have one sent up with the pass.” 

“Really?” Carl beamed. He didn't think that’d work but it did. “Yay!” He smiled. Judith giggled with her mouth full at Negan’s snorts. 

Negan smiled at both of them, happy that some of the tension from earlier was slipping away. “Carl, why don’t you help Judith get dressed to go and I’ll call down and get your things set up, hmm?” Negan said, standing, patting both of them on the head. 

Carl nodded and picked Judith up before walking off to the bedroom to get her dressed. “I wanna look like you bubba,” she said and Carl smiled. “Pink skirt? Okay,” he said kissing her temple. 

When the two left, Negan called down to the front desk and got the pass and phone ready. The phone would be readily installed with Negan’s number and any number in the building. He also requested a few game apps to be installed and for a 50$ spending limit to be placed on it. That would be enough for Carl to buy a couple of apps or in-game purchases or whatever he wanted. Negan grabbed some food while he waited for the kids to come back, chewing on some bacon. 

Soon the two came out and Carl was smiling, holding Judith's hand. She was in a pink shirt with a white and pink skirt smiling. “All ready for duckies.” She giggled. 

Negan grinned at seeing Judith in her little outfit. She was too cute. He held his hand out to her. Judith ran up to Negan to hold his hand excitedly. “Alright, let’s be on our way then!” He looked up at Carl. “Your stuff will be up soon. I’ll text you when we’re on our way back, okay?” He pointed at the food cart. “Do try and eat. For me. Please.” Negan hit the elevator button, waiting for Judith before getting in. 

Carl nodded with a small smile. “Okay Negan,” he said with a grin even though all he could think was, ‘ _Fuck you. I’m not gonna eat._ ’ 

Negan eyed Carl as he stepped into the elevator. There was something about that grin that made him suspicious. Right before the doors closed he called out, “If you don’t eat, I’m not _playing_ with you!” and gave Carl a grin of his own, waving as the door sealed shut. 

Carl growled when the door was closed. He grabbed a plate of food, went to the window and just dumped that shit out. “Fuck you. Telling me what to do like I’m your bitch,” he growled. 

... 

Negan waved to Gina at the front desk as they passed her, thanking her for taking the things up to Carl, making his way outside with Judith. He bent down to pick her up. “Alright, I’m gonna carry you till we get to the park, ok? It’s not very far.” 

“Okay, papa.” She smiled in his arms, holding onto his neck as she was carried. “I've never seen in life ducks before,” she said tightening her grip. “Really?” Negan said, not really surprised but acting like it. “Well, they’re pretty cute, but you’re not going to able to pet them. These are wild ducks, not pets. So, you’ll be able to look, but not touch, understand?” he explained as he walked. “I’ll take you someplace soon with ducks you can touch,” he assured her, already thinking about where the closest petting zoo was. 

She smiled excitedly. “They’re so cute and fluffy and fun!” She cheered, letting go of the man’s neck to clap her hands, giggling. 

Negan laughed at her excitement. “They sure are.” 

It was only about a ten-minute walk down the block before Negan crossed the street and entered into the city park. Trees grew along the edges of the large rectangle of grass, blocking off the sounds of the street. In the middle of the park, a small pond sat, glimmering in the morning sunlight. While they walked, Judith held him tighter when she heard bikes and cars whizz by and honk, frightened by the loud noises. 

She was relieved when they got into the park and all the scary noises stopped. When she was put down she happily let Negan take her hand, letting him walk her to the pond. She smiled happily. “I think I see a duck!” 

Negan smiled and let himself be pulled by Judith. Sure enough, there was a gaggle of mallard ducks swimming around the pond and sitting along the shore. There were also a few geese and even a swan. Negan was impressed. A couple of pairs of ducks had groups of ducklings following after them. Negan pointed at them. “Look, those are babies. Ducklings.” 

Judith cheered happily seeing all the little duckies, big duckies, geese and swan. “They’re all too cute,” she said going to the shoreline to try and touch one of the sleeping ducks who simply got up and rushed away from her. 

Negan chuckled at Judith’s failed attempt to pet the duck. “Judith, what did I tell you? If you keep trying to pet these ducks they’re going to try and bite you.” He crouched down to be at her height. “Look with your eyes not with your hands, ok?” 

She smiled and blushed a little, nodding. “But he looked so sleepy and like he wouldn’t mind,” she said. Her smile was ear to ear. She loved this outside time. 

Negan chuckled. “You wouldn’t like it if someone woke you up in the middle of your nap, would you?” he said playfully. It was nice seeing Judith smile so much. He hoped he could help overwrite all the bad things she’d seen with new experiences like this. 

She nodded a bit. “I guess you are right.” She giggled. She sat down in the grass and watched the ducklings follow their mom. “They’re so fluffy.” 

Negan sat down behind her and started brushing her hair with his fingers. “They sure are,” he agreed, smiling. He hummed softly as he played with her hair, thinking about getting her some clips and bows. 

She started to pull at the grass on her sides and in front of her as she watched them go and swim around. 

…

Carl waited patiently for his new things, pacing in the living room, waiting. 

Gina gathered up the things Negan had requested and went to quickly run them up to Carl. As she was leaving the front desk, Naomi passed by. “Oh! Naomi! Will you watch the front for me for a minute?” 

“Sure thing!” Naomi replied, popping the gum in their mouth. 

“Thanks,” Gina said, hopping on the elevator and riding up. It dinged as she reached Negan’s floor and she stepped out, looking around. “Carl? I’ve got some stuff for ya!” 

Carl came over quickly. “Thank you.” He smiled taking the things from her hands. He turned on the phone smiling. “Hell yeah, this is wicked.” He giggled, looking at it. “This is great.” Gina smiled at his excitement. “There’s 50$ loaded on there for you buy apps and stuff. Negan’s number is in there, the front desk, all that.” She looked around noticing no one was there. “Did Negan leave you alone?” 

Carl nodded a bit, starting to download stuff. “Yeah,” he said smiling. “Why?” he asked. He downloaded all the recommended apps: Youtube, Tumblr, Instagram, and Google. Gina shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just kinda weird. Either you two are attached at the hip or he’s got someone watching over you,” she said, fidgeting with her shirt hem. “You want me to stay with you, or you wanna hang out down in the lobby?” 

“No, I’m fine up here,” he said still fucking around on the phone. He slowly made his way to the couch before plopping down. “I’m just gonna be playing with my phone. You can put the card or whatever down on the bar.” 

Gina set the elevator pass down on the bar and glanced at Carl. She felt kinda bad just leaving him alone, but he was a teen with a phone, so what else would he get up to? Negan would be back shortly, and the whole building was full of people ready to help if something happened. 

“Alright,” Gina said, coming over to pat Carl on the head. “You know where I am if you need anything.” With that, she got back on the elevator and left. 

Carl got on Youtube, looking at the suggested videos. Finally, he clicked on one with a man with bright green hair in it. He jumped a little when the green-haired man screamed at the camera but eased into the video as it played on, smiling. 

... 

Gina retook her place at the front desk, thanking Naomi. She did a few organizing things before sending a message to Dwight, letting him know Negan was gone with Judith and Carl was home alone. 

“Do you want me to go be with him?” he asked. 

“No, no. He seems ok, playing on his new phone. Just giving you a heads up.” Then she texted Negan, asking what time he’d be back. 

... 

Carl called Negan a half-hour later, smiling and jumping happily. He was shaking he was so excited. Whoever was on the floor below him was probably thought something weird was going on with how much he was jumping up and down. 

... 

Man, Negan’s phone was blowing up. First Gina, then Dwight. Couldn’t he go on an outing in peace? 

Judith sneezed a little. She must have had an allergy to all the pollen. She laid back in the grass looking up at the clouds as they went by. She liked clouds. “That one looks like a bunny.” She smiled, pointing up at the cloud. 

“Bless you,” he said to Judith as he pulled out his ringing phone. It was a new number. He hummed and answered it. “Hello?” 

“Oh my god, Negan, Negan guess what?!” Carl said still jumping up and down in his spot. “Guess, guess, guess.” He smiled. 

Negan held the phone away from his ear as Carl’s voice rang out from it. “Holy hell, kid. Turn it down a notch,” he said laughing. He put the phone back to his ear. “Well, I see you got your phone. Is that what I’m supposed to guess?” Negan fiddled with one of Judith’s curls as he talked. Judith smiled as her hair was played with. 

“No, no, no, this guy. He wants to meet with me at the mall! And he said I could be a model!” He didn’t turn it down a notch at all, he was way too excited. “I could be a model right! I’m pretty enough?” he asked still jumping up and down and on the couch excitedly. 

Negan tensed and jerked up from his relaxed position. _Fuck._ “Carl, what are you talking about? Where did you talk to this man? What did you tell him?” His voice was sharp and urgent but had a hint of worry in it. Oh god, he shouldn’t have left Carl alone with the Internet. 

“Instagram. I made an account,” he said still jumping on the couch. “Why? When can we go? He said he does auditions every weekend.” He smiled. “Why are you upset? Are you jealous?” He laughed excitedly. 

Negan huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose. God, how did he explain this? “No, Carl. I’m not _jealous_ ,” he said, voice low. “That man does not want to make you a model. He wants to hurt you.” 

Judith sat up whimpering at the change in Negan’s tone. 

Negan sighed, patting Judith on the head. “Carl, you have to be careful about what you put on the Internet. You can not trust everything you read. People lie very easily online.” 

Carl pouted and flopped down on the couch with a huff. “How do you know that huh? He is an expert. I know he is. He’s helped a bunch of other Instagram models.” He whimpered. Jesus, did he feel like he was coming down from a high in the worst way ever. That was the highest his happiness had been in a while and it was going down quick. 

Negan could hear the change in tone in Carl’s voice like a switch was flipped. He quickly tucked his phone against his ear and shoulder and reached out to pick up Judith. “Come on, darlin.” It pained him to have to take Judith away from the park, but he also couldn’t just let Carl crash back at home. 

“Carl, please. You don’t know him either. You’ve been on Instagram for an hour. I’ve been using the Internet since it was invented. I know the types of people out there. Please trust me.” 

He sniffled a little. “I know him through...” His tone got more hushed as he spoke. “His name is Fern-ando.” He sounded out the name as he said it. “He worked with all these other pages that make millions of followers...” He frowned sadly. Judith nodded a little. “Can I watch Adventure time?” she asked, looking up at Negan as she was picked up. 

Negan nodded to Judith, shifting her into one arm so he could hold his phone again. He started almost speed walking back to the hotel. “Carl, you don’t know him,” Negan huffed. “Look, I’ll look at him and check him out when I get home, okay? If he seems legit, _I_ will contact him. Okay?” Carl had too much faith in people. 

Carl perked up right away, smiling again.“Thank you, thank you, Negan!” he said bouncing up and down once more. 

“Sure, Carl. We’ll be home soon.” Negan was absolutely not thrilled about this whatsoever. 

Judith smiled as they walked back. Once they got to the corner of the hotel she saw eggs, toast and bacon splattered on the sidewalk and pointed at it. “Food goes inside the house?” she said confused on why it would be outside. 

He looked to where Judith pointed out the food on the sidewalk. What the… He looked up at his building and then back down at the food. He hummed. “Yes… that’s very strange, isn’t it, Judith?” He shifted her on his hip. “Did you enjoy the park and the ducks? I’m sorry we had to leave so fast. I’m worried about your brother. I think he’s making some not so nice friends…” 

She smiled, nodding. “Yes! I loved it. It was very, very, very, very fun. Can we go back?” She asked with a big smile. “I loved it.” She exclaimed loudly, throwing her hands into the air and ignoring the talk about Carl’s mean friends. 

Negan smiled and nodded. “We can go back soon. I’ll also find a place where you can pet the ducks. Would you like that?” He asked, kissing her cheek as they walked into the building. 

She nodded. “Yes, I like that!” She smiled excitedly. “I can’t wait.” She giggled as they got into the elevator. 

Negan grinned and pressed the button for his floor. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan chastises Carl about his internet usage but then makes up for it with a quick play session. Later, Carl gets measured, and Judith gets a bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope people are still reading this because we've got so much more to go. We're getting really close to some action and plot so get ready for that! For now, enjoy some soft porn and angst~

Arriving shortly back to his flat, Negan set Judith down as the elevator doors opened. “Carl? We’re home!” Negan glanced over at the food cart that he had ordered earlier. The only things missing were the things he had put on plates earlier. He hummed.

Carl smiled up at Negan when he came in. “Yay! Oh my god.” He giggled a bit, running over to the two trying to hand over the phone to him. “See, he says you can talk to him and you can come during the audition,” Carl said, smiling.

Negan leaned back from the phone being shoved in his face, taking Carl’s hand and holding it steady so he could read the man’s message. “Hmm…” It would be odd for him to encourage Negan to come if he was just trying to get Carl, but Negan still didn’t like it. “Get me his phone number. I’ll call him,” Negan said, letting go of Carl’s hand. 

Carl nodded and sat down, smiling a little. He texted him, smiling and swinging his legs back and forth as he sat on the couch. “He wants another full body picture before he can give us his number he said,” Carl said. “He also wants my measurements? What does that mean?” He asked. 

Negan bristled. He didn’t like that. “It means he wants your height and waist measurements and such,” Negan said, turning the TV on and switching to Adventure Time. “Judith, come watch TV for a bit? I need to talk to Carl  _ in my room _ .” He pointed towards said room looking at Carl. Negan quickly threw together another plate of food from what was still good on the cart and left it on the couch. “Eat some too, ok?” he said to Judith.

Judith nodded, smiling, as she trotted over in her little dress, sitting down on the couch as Finn talked to Princess Bubble Gum on TV. She smiled, mindlessly eating fruit pieces from the plate.

Carl left to the bedroom, bouncing up and down in his shoes. He had put on heels since the two had left. They were lavender and had a little strap. They almost looked fake, like they were made for a doll.

Negan followed Carl, closing his door. “Let me see your phone,” he said, holding his hand out. “I just want to talk to the guy. I’m not taking it away.”

Negan’s voice was off-putting and put Carl a little on edge but he handed over the phone anyway, trusting Negan not to take it away. “Negan, you don’t need to be so worried all the time. No one is gonna hurt me,” he said, sitting down on the bed. “Please...” He whined rolling over on his stomach, raising his feet up a bit so that they dangled over his back. He liked the feeling of the heavy shoes. They were weighted and it made him feel cuter for some reason.

Negan sat down next to Carl on the bed, reaching over and running a hand down his back before turning and focusing on the phone. He quickly typed out, “This is Carl’s guardian. No pics until you give me your phone number.”

The messages stopped right away.

“What are you saying? Don’t be mean Negan. He is a nice guy.” Carl pouted as he moved closer, loving his back to be touched like that.

It took five whole minutes for the man to text back. “He said he was an adult.”

“Yeah, they're all nice at the beginning…” Negan mumbled, resting a hand on Carl’s lower back. He frowned when the man finally replied and typed back, “He’s only 17, and we both know that even a year too young is too young. You gonna give me your number or are you gonna leave him alone?”

The message didn’t go through. The man had blocked him. Negan sighed. Just as he thought.

Carl huffed a little. “You were nice,” he muttered, still clearly not getting it. “But don’t I look nice?” he asked. “You haven’t said anything about my shoes?”

Negan turned to look at Carl, taking in his outfit. He ran his finger down Carl’s spine before reaching up and pulling on one of Carl’s heels. “You look very cute, Carl. I love the shoes. Especially the bows.”

Carl squeaked, blushing more as Negan tugged in the heel of his shoe, bending his leg back further. He found it hot but he tried to shake the feeling in order to try and listen to the man. “Thank you. I love the shoes too. Fernando loves my outfit.” He giggled. “So am I gonna be a model?” he asked Negan, smiling.

Negan sighed and handed Carl back his phone. “Carl, if you want to be a model I will find you an actual agent. This man blocked you as soon as he learned you weren’t eighteen.” Negan pointed to the phone. “Which is smart on his part so he doesn’t get in trouble.”

Negan tucked some of Carl’s hair behind his ear. “Carl, you can not trust people online. Especially if they ask to meet you in real life within minutes of talking to you. That is  _ so _ dangerous.” Negan sniffed, looking away from him. “Kids your age and younger get lured by these predators all the time, and they get sold into trafficking or worse.”

Carl looked up at him with a sad frown. He didn’t know. Why would this happen? Why wouldn’t people stop them? “But why?” He frowned looking down. He took a breath and sighed. “Would I be a good model?”

Negan laughed wetly. “Carl, you were basically apart of that system before,” he said softly. “When your dad gave you to people to... use.” He reached out and took Carl’s hand. “Some people in this world are just bad and prey on pretty boys like you.”

He cocked his head and gave Carl a small smile. “I do think you’d be a good model, Carl, but let’s wait a little bit, ok?” Negan really didn’t want Carl to get involved in the model culture with all the eating problems that he already had. The last thing he needed was people encouraging him not to eat. He pulled on Carl’s heel again. “Why don’t you just model for me, hm? Aren’t I good enough?”

Carl let out a soft moan, quickly hiding his face down in his folded arms. “Negan~ stop it!” He squealed, giggling. He licked his lips. “You are good enough but I-I like how it feels when people are paying attention,” he said smiling. “I like being someone people look at when I come into the room.” His cheeks and nose were flushed.

“Trust me, Carl,” Negan growled playfully, pulling harder on Carl’s shoe, loving the reaction he was getting from that. “You capture attention just the way you are.”

Carl whimpered up at Negan. “Negan… mmph.” He huffed a little, rutting into the bed, letting out an aggravated cry since the bed was so soft and comfy it wasn’t doing much for his hard-on grinding against it. With him squirming like this, and his foot still trapped in Negan’s grip, his skirt began riding up to just below his little round ass.

Negan licked his bottom lip, quite enjoying the show going on. He turned so he was facing Carl more, still holding onto his one foot. He ran his free hand down Carl’s back ever so slowly. “Don’t I give you enough attention, Carl?” Negan purred. He let his hand slide lower, palming over Carl’s ass and giving it a squeeze. Mmm. If Negan wanted Carl to gain weight anywhere, it was right  _ here _ .

Carl started to pant a little as he got more and more frustrated. “Negan...” He couldn’t stop whimpering the man’s name. He needed him even though he was right there. He needed him even more. “You do!” Carl whimpered. “I just- I-“ He was getting frazzled from the need building up inside of him. “Can we have a playtime?” he asked with a small plea in his voice.

Mmm. Negan loved hearing his name on Carl’s lips. He finally let go of Carl’s foot, watching it pop back slightly with satisfaction. He leaned down and kissed Carl’s head. “Sure, babe. You wanna put something on for me?”

“Nooo, I wanna play.” He squirmed up to his knees to kneel next to Negan, putting his hand down on his crotch. “Please? I wanna watch stuff with you and have fun.” He whimpered more.

Negan took Carl’s wrists into his hands and gently lifted them away, holding them down at Carl’s sides. Negan leaned in, nosing at Carl’s neck.

Carl whimpered when his hands were forced down. His heart was beating faster. He felt like prey in a wolf’s den, but in the best way possible.

“Watch stuff?” Negan asked, breathing hot air onto Carl’s skin. “Like… what you saw earlier?” He leaned back to look into Carl’s eye. “Did you watch anything like that while I wasn’t here?”

“N-No I didn't but I want to, with you.”

Negan hummed, leaning in and placing a quick kiss on Carl’s lips. He couldn’t think of what he would want to show to Carl. Pet play stuff would fit with their current thing, but should he stick with vanilla stuff? How vanilla? He didn’t know if anything would trigger Carl or not. “Do you have any ideas about what you want to watch?” he asked.

“I liked that video...” he whispered. “The one where he was tied down to the bed....and asking the man to make him cum...” He was a little embarrassed, but his neediness outweighed his reservations.

Negan nodded, feeling himself heat up at Carl’s words and the thought of the video. Negan had seen it a few times himself. “Ok, ok,” Negan said softly. He let go of Carl’s hands, cupping his face and kissing him for a moment, wanting to swallow those whispers on Carl’s lips.

Negan leaned back. “Don’t move. I’m going to get it up on the TV, ok?” He pressed Carl’s hands down on the bed for a second. “Don’t move.” Negan backed off the bed slowly, watching Carl, before rushing to get the TV connected to his phone.

Carl sat on the bed, whimpering, gripping the comforter as he waited for the other man to come back.

Negan quickly got the TV set up, finding the video on his phone and connecting it to the TV in his room, making very damn sure it did not go to the one in the living room. That was the very last thing he needed Judith seeing.

He restarted the video over at the beginning and pressed play, setting his phone on the bedside table and crawling back up onto his bed, settling in behind Carl, manhandling the boy to get him to face the TV. Negan moved Carl’s hair and kissed the back of his neck. “Tell me what you want, babe.”

Carl’s eyes were dilated at this point. It was almost like he had taken drugs. He was so so horny. He cried out as he was manhandled into position, making his cock harder. It was so strange since he never heard himself make that sort of noise before. It was a cry mixed with a moan of pleasure. He whined as he watched the boy on the screen beg to be touch. “Ca-Can I touch myself? Daddy?” he asked softly, blushing.

Negan shivered at Carl’s cry and his words. Hmm, he could get used to this ‘daddy’ business. Negan sat back against his headboard, bracketing Carl in between his legs. He ran his hands down Carl’s sides, to his outer thighs, teasing the skin right at the edge of his skirt. He pulled the skirt back about an inch. “No,” he breathed into Carl’s ear. “Put your hands on my knees and don’t move them.” Negan slipped one hand down under Carl’s skirt along his inner thigh.

Carl whimpered more, his eyes closing as he put his hands on the man's thighs.“Why, daddy?” he asked, looking up at him. “Wh-“ He yelped when the man's hand traveled below his skirt. He froze up squeezing his eyes tight. His member visibly twitched under the thin pink skirt as his small thigh trembled under the skin. He was so desperate. He loved being in positions of vulnerability. It turned him on.

Negan smirked down at Carl. “Because I said so.” Negan hiked up Carl’s skirt higher on the boy’s leg, tracing his fingers farther down Carl’s inner thigh, almost to his crotch. “Because  _ I _ want to touch you.” He growled into Carl’s ear, before kissing behind it.

Carl had tears in his eyes by this point. “Then touch it!” he yelled squirming. “Now,” he growled back in a feisty tone. He wanted it so so bad. The boy on the screen began to cry softly as a soft kitty tail was inserted inside of him and his cunt was left alone.

“Mmm.” Negan licked his lip, gazing down at Carl’s face. God, the boy was so far gone. Beautiful. “Where are your manners? I want to hear a ‘please’.” Negan tugged Carl’s underwear down, letting his cock spring free. It was dripping with so much precum. Practically weeping. Negan flashed his eyes up to the screen and shivered watching that tail go in. Fuck, he couldn’t wait to do that to Carl. 

Carl looked up at his, lips falling open, his breath panting through them. He shook his head and then nodded trying to process his words. Everything seemed to run so much slower like this. “Please? Please, daddy? Please?” He moaned out with a small sob. His cock was burning at this point. Even three stokes and he would cum.

Negan kissed Carl’s forehead before reaching all the way in and gripping Carl with his large hand, jerking him quickly. Negan knew Carl wouldn’t last long. Not with the way he was mewling under him. “Come for me, babe,” Negan purred.

Carl came hard within the first minute, crying loudly as he busted into Negan’s hands. He panted, his eyes going glassy, falling back and boneless underneath the other man.

Negan stroked Carl through his orgasm, milking every last drop out, before letting him go and licking the cum off his hand. He hummed in pleasure at the taste. “You’re so good, Carl. How was that? Are you good? You okay?” Negan smoothed Carl’s skirt back down before wrapping his arms around the boy’s waist and holding him.

“Mmmm.” Carl moaned softly into the man’s chest as he was held. He felt drugged. Like really drugged. Everything was dizzy and slow and he was so, so tired.

Negan took that as a yes and kissed Carl’s head. The video on the TV had ended and it was stuck on the ‘replay?’ screen. Negan brushed Carl’s hair away from his face. “We're gonna have to find you some more stamina,” Negan jokingly whispered.

“Hmmph,” Carl said nonsense words into the man’s chest, laying there as he took a much needed ten-minute power nap.

Negan relaxed as Carl napped, his own heartbeat calming. He held the boy, nuzzling his face into Carl’s hair. Negan wanted to check on Judith and get some lunch, especially for Carl who he highly suspected hadn’t eaten while he was gone. But for now, he’d sit and hold the boy.

After ten minutes Carl was more centered and awake. He sat up slowly, climbing up Negan’s arm, holding it tight to his chest, rubbing his cheek on the man’s bicep. “That was really weird,” he said. He had never been so winded and out of it after an orgasm before.

Negan laughed and kissed Carl’s head. “What was weird?” he asked quietly. “That you fell asleep? That’s kinda normal actually.”

“Yeah, I felt so weird like, sleepy and way in my head. I was so tired I couldn’t do anything or think.”

Negan chuckled. “Sounds like you had a  _ mind-blowing _ orgasm, kid,” Negan said grinning. He leaned in to kiss Carl’s cheek. “You’re welcome.”

Carl blushed and kissed the man’s cheek too. “So it was a good thing that I felt that way?” he asked, softly cuddling into Negan’s front.

Negan nodded. “Sure, yeah. Your body used a lot of energy and released a ton of endorphins all at once. Most people do white-out for a second and have to wait a few minutes before moving.” Negan shrugged, rubbing at Carl’s back.

Carl smiled a little and cuddled into the man, whining. “It felt good.” He closed his eyes again.

“I’m glad,” Negan answered.

Negan’s phone buzzed a bit. It was Carters. “Hey, Negan. I need Carl’s measurements for today.”

Negan reached over to check his phone. He sighed and replied, “ _ Ok. Give me a minute _ .”

He set his phone down and put his fingers under Carl’s chin, lifting his head to look up at Negan. “Hey, I need to measure your waist and thigh and send the numbers to Carters,” he explained to Carl. “I have to measure you every day to see your progress.” Carl whined with a smile, cuddling into the man’s hand holding his chin.

Negan reached over to his bedside table where the sheet Carters had written the weights and measurements was. He grabbed it and showed it to Carl. “You can’t go below these numbers or you  _ will _ be hospitalized. Do you understand?”

“Or how about we throw away the tape and cuddle on the couch with Judy?” Carl said, smiling happily. He only glanced at the numbers. 95lbs, 20” waist, and 11” thigh would send him to inpatient therapy going home at night. 90lbs or 18” waist got him a permanent hospital stay until he was “healthy”. He didn’t like these suggestions. “Negan, how about I suck you off, and I’ll eat popcorn and you can play with my hair and watch tv?” he purred.

Negan shook his head. “Carl, I’m not joking. You need to pay attention to this and eat what I give you,” he said, his voice stern. “And not throw it out the window.” He let his fingers drop from under Carl’s chin. “Come on. Let me measure you, let’s eat some lunch with Judy, and then maybe I’ll think about that offer, hmm?” He patted Carl’s thigh.

Carl huffed a bit but nevertheless he got up and looked into the man in the eyes. “I’ll let you fuck me?” he said putting on his big Bambi eye. “I’m fine. I promise to eat. I won’t throw it away,” he lied. He didn’t want to see the numbers. He didn’t want the proof that he was sick in front of him. 

Negan groaned, rubbing his face. “Carl… stop trying to use sex to get what you want. You don’t need to do that and, frankly, it’s not gonna work.” He patted Carl’s cheek and gave him a smile.

Negan got off the bed, taking the measurement sheet with him, and went to one of his dressers, digging through the top drawer. “If I don’t send Carters your measurements, you’re going to get taken away from me,” he said, finding a measuring tape and some regular tape. He got two pieces of tape and attached them to the corners of the measurement sheet. Walking to the wall by his closet, Negan stuck the sheet to the wall. “I don’t want that to happen, Carl. Please, just…” Negan sighed, pressing against his temples. “Please.”

Tears slowly filled Carl’seyes as the severity of the situation set in. “B-But you’re the boss? You get the final say? Why would they take me from you?” he said, getting scared.

Negan wrapped his arms around Carl and buried his face into the boy’s hair. “It doesn’t matter if I’m the boss, Carl. If I can’t take care of you, you can’t stay with me.”

Carl grabbed the man’s shirt, fisting it in his hands tiredly. “I promise I won’t lose more weight? Okay?” he begged.

Negan squeezed him tighter and kissed his temple. “Thank you, Carl.” Negan pulled away to look into Carl’s eye. “Can I please measure you now? It’ll be quick. I promise.”

Carl nodded softly. “Okay....” he said, his tears starting to fall. He’d become so overwhelmed at the thought of being taken away from his sister and Negan. “I love you so much. I can take care of myself. I’m an adult,” he said shaking a bit in Negan’s arms. He didn’t realize it at first but he was trembling in fear. “Is this gonna make sure I stay with you and Judy?” He stepped back, holding his arms out, not sure what Negan would be measuring.

Negan reached out and wiped the tears away from Carl’s face. “Shh, shh. I love you too. I just want you to be healthy, ok?” Negan knelt down, wrapping the tape around Carl’s waist. “Yes, it will help. Eating good food will also help.” Negan leaned forward and kissed Carl’s waist where the tape ended around him, memorizing the number before moving onto Carl’s thigh. 

23 and 13. Those were the numbers. Carl sucked them into his head.  “Drop them,” his brain told him.  _ Get them lower. 21 and 12. Those are safe numbers. _ “See all good?” he chuckled awkwardly. “I can’t go under 20 and I’m 23.”

Negan kissed Carl’s thigh. “Good. Now, I want you to think of 23 and 13 as your new lows,” Negan said, looking up at Carl. “Let’s schedule a measuring every day at noon. Does that sound good?”

Carl smiled when his thigh was kissed. He liked Negan at this angle, down below him but Carl’s smile dropped at the “your new low” statement. “What, no? Dr. Carters said I was allowed to go down to 20?!”

Negan shushed Carl gently, rubbing his bearded cheek against Carl’s thigh. Carl had sounded almost panicked. “You’re still… allowed to go down to 20, but… for me, just…” Negan sighed. He knew he couldn’t explain this in a way to make Carl understand. “Don’t  _ try _ to hit the lows, Carl. Those are  _ not _ your goals.”

Negan wrapped up the measuring tape and set it down by the wall under the measurement sheet. He turned back to Carl, pulling him close and nuzzling into his stomach. “How about I give you a prize every inch you go up?”

“I-I don’t want to get bigger, Negan. I like the size I am now,” Carl said. He was having such an internal conflict. He wanted to make Negan happy. He wished he could only get bigger in his hands so they weren’t boney. And his bum. Negan would like that. But he wanted to keep the space between his thighs, the divots in his hips, the way his sides looked like a xylophone from his ribs. The way if you tried hard enough, you could fit his bicep in one hand.

Negan buried his face into Carl’s stomach and let out a growling groan of frustration and exhaustion. He stayed right there for a moment, just holding Carl and fighting back tears. He was sick of crying. He was sick of fighting with Carl. He didn’t know what to do. “Nothing I say will change your mind, Carl,” he stated, mumbling into the boy’s shirt. “I know it won’t. I know.”

Carl sniffled. “I-I want my hands to get bigger for you,” he whispered. It was one of the only pieces that broke through to him. Knowing Negan didn’t want to feel cold bone when he touched Carl’s hands. “I want you to hold me and not think I’m sick...” he said.  _ ‘I just wish I could change that without having to gain weight _ ,’ he thought to himself.

Negan looked up at Carl with wet eyes before reaching over and taking one of Carl’s hands. He brought it to his face and kissed the palm, nuzzling his cheek into it. “I would like that, Carl,” he said softly. “I would like to not see your ribs or the bones in your hands. I would like you to have more for me hold,” he moved his hands to Carl’s thighs, “here,” he moved them to Carl’s butt and squeezed softly, “here,” he moved them to Carl’s stomach where he was still resting his head, “here.” He kissed Carl’s stomach. “But mostly, I just don’t want you to waste away and die. I want you to be healthy and enjoy food. I want you to get better for  _ you _ , not  _ me _ .”

“Die?” Carl said, scared. Why the fuck was he talking about dying? “I-I’m not gonna die?” he said, feeling terrified. “Negan why would you say that?” he said, his voice trembling.  “I finally have everything I’d ever want? I don’t wanna-“ he got too choked up to finish his sentence. He held Negan’s head to his tummy, wanting him close. Feeling like if Negan were to let go of him, he’d die.

Negan sniffed and wrapped his arms around Carl, holding him tight. “Babe, that’s what will happen if you don’t eat. If you get too skinny,” he said, voice barely there. “Why do you think I’m so adamant about this? Why do you think I care so much about this?”

Carl started to cry shaking his head no. “You’re lying. I’m fine! I was eating more than I was with dad? Please, Negan, just tell me I’m okay?” he said clinging to him. “And that you’ll stay with me forever.”

“Why would I lie?” Negan whispered, his own tears silently falling. He cleared his throat. “You’re okay right now, Carl. You just have to work to keep it up. Don’t fall back.” Negan reached up to cup Carl’s cheeks and stroke the tears away with his thumb. “I love you, Carl. I’ll love you forever. I won’t leave you.”

“Are you ever gonna get sick of me?” he asked softly, his body still shaking in Negan’s arms. “I got sick of my mom when she was sick,” he said shakily.

Negan shook his head. “No, no. I won’t get sick of you. I might get frustrated but never sick,” Negan said. “And I’ll love you through everything you do. Okay?”

Carl nodded softly and sniffled. “Can we ask Dr. Carters for tips on how to make it easier?” he asked softly with a weak smile. He wanted to get better for Negan. So he wasn’t sad.

Negan perked up at Carl’s words, rising up on his knees to be eye level with Carl. He brushed the hair away from Carl’s face and nodded. “Yes, yes we can do that,” he said, excited that Carl was seeming to come around. He pulled the boy into a hug, holding the back of his head and burying his face into his neck.

Carl giggled happily. “Okay,” he said cuddling his face into the man’s neck. “Call him?” He purred a little.

Negan pulled back and placed a large kiss on Carl’s cheek, exaggerating the ‘MWAH’ noise. He smiled. “Yes, alright. Come on, then.” Negan stood, taking Carl’s hand and leading him back to the bed where Negan’s phone was. He sent the measurements to Carters via text just so he’d have them, and then called, putting him on speakerphone.

“Hello, Dr. Carters speaking. How may I help you?” he asked. He was on a golf course, sipping a mimosa with his small terrier by his side.

Negan cleared his throat. “Hey, Doc. It’s Negan and Carl. I sent you his measurements, but also, we were just wondering if you could give us any tips on how to make Carl’s… weight recovery easier?”

Carters smiled a little. “Oh yes, yes. Let me look.” A small bark could be heard on Carters end of the phone. “Trisha shush. Daddy is working,” he scolded the dog as he took a look at Carl’s measurements. “From his weight, I was expecting he’d be larger. Did he step on the scale today? If not can you do it for me right now?” Carters had begun to speculate that Carl had eaten a lot the day he was weighed. That’s why his weight was larger than his measurements told.

Negan nodded and then realized that Carters couldn’t see him. “Yeah, I’ll weigh him now.” Negan petted Carl’s head as he stood up, leaving the phone on the bed, and made his way to his closet, digging a scale out from the back. He brought it back to bed and turned it on, zeroing it out. “OK, Carl, can you step on here for me please?” Negan asked, holding his hand out to Carl.

Carl nodded and took the man’s hand, stepping up onto the scale smiling as he looked at the man’s eyes and not down at the scale which tickered between 98 and 99 pounds. Negan looked down at the scale before looking up at Carl and pecking him on the lips. “Thank you.” Negan leaned back towards his phone. “He’s about 98 and a half.”

“98… That seems more appropriate for the measurements you gave me. Okay, so for sake of accuracy I’d like you to measure him every morning before he is able to eat or drink anything because it could give the impression he is gaining weight when he isn’t,” he started. “Next I’d recommend smoothies. I’ll text you the recipes. Lots of sugar dense fruits, veggies with a mild flavor and a high water percentage, high fat almond milk, chia seeds, hemp seeds and protein powder mix of green pea protein and whey.” He continued on naming things Negan probably never heard of given his current diet choices.

Negan just nodded and mmhmmed along to Carters words, glancing at Carl to make sure he was listening. He had no idea what half of the foods Carters listed were, but he’d get them added to the menu stat. “Alright, thank you. That sounds doable,” Negan said.

“Be cautious of letting him alone in the bathrooms or with food. Many try and throw up the food because it makes them feel sick, or they try to hide the food they say they have eaten.” Carl rolled his eye at that and sighed.

“Alright,” Negan said, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling Carl towards him, wrapping his arms around the boy and rocking him gently. “Do you have any questions for the doctor, Carl?”

“You suck,” Carl said, crossing his arms.

“Mhm...” Carters chuckled a little. “Yes, and you swallow. I know how that one goes. The nurses have already filled me in,” he said, smiling. 

Negan snorted at Carters’ come back to Carl’s snark.

“Now, no overexercising. Nothing over an hour and if he does, have him drink another shake. Fruit juice is good and a personal favorite of those in the refed ward are PB and Fluff sandwiches,” Carters said, leaving out they were nearing 900 calories.

Negan squeezed the boy in his arms. “Sounds good, Doc,” Negan said, thinking about eating a peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwich himself. Those were so good. “Make sure to send me all this, will you? And Cc the kitchen staff with the recipes and food list.”

“I will. We can start with two meals a day, three shakes and as many smoothies and juice that you can get in him. Now, you two have a good day,” Carters said, hanging up quickly since he was up to putt.

Carl huffed rolling his eyes. “I’m fine. You said I’m pretty,” he whined, looking up at him, squirming.

“Carl,” Negan said warningly, eyeing him. Didn’t they just talk about this? “We’re going to listen to the doctor, ok?” He kissed Carl’s cheek. “You’re pretty, but you could be prettier. A little more meat on your bones will do ya good all around, hm?”

“Fine. But under one condition?” he said questioningly not knowing if Negan could take the bait or not.

Negan hummed and narrowed his eyes at Carl. “Depends what the condition is…?” Negan had no idea what Carl was about to say, and didn’t know if he should be scared or not.

“I get to pick when I want to eat, what I eat, and I want a dog because Kilot hates me.” He pouted up at Negan, reaching out to hold the man’s hand.

Negan hummed, squeezing Carl’s hand. “That sounds like more than one condition.” He frowned. “You still have to follow the doctor’s orders, and pick from his lists of foods and such, but you can pick what exactly it is you want to eat,” Negan said nodding. He stroked the back of Carl’s hand with his thumb. “And I’m sure Kilot doesn’t  _ hate _ you. He’s just young and still dependent on his mom,” Negan explained. He brought Carl’s hand up and kissed it. “But I’ll think about a dog, ok? How about if you gain five more inches on your waist, we can go to a shelter and look at some, hmm?”

“Five inches?!” Carl nearly screamed. “Oh, hell no.” He looked at him, shocked. “I’m not getting fat Negan. I’m getting fit and I’m getting a dog,” he said in a demanding tone. His voice softened a moment later. “Please?” He begged with his eyes. “I’m sure the doctor would agree with me?”

Negan set a heavy glare at Carl. He had moved past the sad stage in this argument and went right into anger and frustration. “Five inches,” he deadpanned, voice stern. “That is not  _ fat _ in any sense of the word. Five inches and we will look at dogs.”

“I’ll be dead before I gain that. That’s a promise. Not a threat,” Carl said with a smile. “Let’s look it up? Hmm?” He crossed his arms. “I’m 23 right now, that would make me 28 inches around my fat ass waist. Please, Negan?” he said feeling his mood sink more.

Negan just smiled at Carl. A cold, cold smile. He placed his hands on Carl’s boney hips and rubbed up and down lightly. “Do you want me to make it six inches?” he asked, tilting his head.

Carl’s face faltered a little as he watched Negan’s lips. He didn’t like that look on him. He knew it probably wasn’t what Negan was trying to do but he looked like Rick. It put a sick knot in Carl’s stomach. The toothy, cold grin with dark eyes. Carl closed his eyes and took a breath, remembering what Carters said. He wasn’t a prisoner. He could always walk away.

Carl got up and started to the door, holding his arms. 

Negan immediately felt bad as soon as Carl pulled away. Shit. “Carl! Wait, please!” Negan stood from the bed, arm outstretched, but he didn’t go after Carl. Didn’t want the boy to feel like he was chasing him. “Please, I’m sorry. I just… I slipped into my boss persona there. I didn’t mean to scare you.” His voice was soft and dripping with regret. “I just… Carl, I know it’s hard for you but it’s hard for me too. Seeing you like this, arguing with you over this.” He sighed, sitting back down. “I just wish you could see yourself how I see you.”

As soon as the man reached out to him, Carl flinched back immediately. Negan made the right decision with staying back. “It’s fine. It’s fine. I’m sorry,” he said, pretty defeated as he went to the living room, still rubbing his arms.

His face brightened just a little when he saw Judith. She was happy, that’s all that mattered. She was what started all this anyway. She was the reason they were here. He sat down and rubbed her leg as she watched the show. He had lost track of what actually mattered.

Carl sat up and pulled the little girl over to his lap, forcing her to sit in his crossed legs. She whined a little but Carl forced her down as he did with the kittens. She wasn’t leaving him. Not until he was dead. 

Carl didn’t know if he was happy or sad that Negan smiled when he told him he was planning on dying before 28 inches. Was he smiling because he didn’t believe him? If so maybe that was a good thing.

...

Negan groaned and put his face in his hands. “Uugghh!” He didn’t know what to do. Trying to be nice  _ and _ enforce rules was something he didn’t know how to do easily. He laid back on his bed and sighed. He needed to order lunch. Carl hadn’t eaten all day. He knew that. But now, after this, would Carl even  _ try _ ? Negan fidgeted with his phone. Well, he’d at least have it available and there if he wanted it, and Judith would need food too. Negan’s stomach growled. And himself.

Negan ordered up some sandwiches and sides and a smoothie for Carl. He didn’t leave his room after he ordered though. Just laid back on his bed, arm over his eyes, and breathed. 

The food arrived about ten minutes after Negan ordered it, the waiter just pushing the cart near the living room where he saw Carl and Judith. Negan heard the elevator ding from his room but still didn’t come out. He was working on an apology to Carl and still didn’t know what to say.

Negan groaned after ten more minutes of thinking. He didn’t know what to do, but he was hungry, and he needed to see if Judith was eating as well as Carl, though he doubted it. He got up and padded through to the living room. He made his way to the food cart and looked over at the siblings. “Did you guys eat?” he asked softly, his voice still full of regret and apology.

Carl looked at Judith, bouncing the girl. He shook his head, sighing. He reached over and grabbed his smoothie, sipping on it. He had to live for Judy.

“What is it?” Judith asked smiling, looking up, knowing better than to get out of the boy’s lap since he’d just pull her back.

Negan placed a sandwich and some grapes onto a plate and handed it to Judy, basically placing it onto Carl’s lap. “It’s a turkey and cheese sandwich with tomato and lettuce,” Negan explained quietly, grabbing a couple of sandwiches on a plate for himself. He looked at the kids, glad Carl was drinking the smoothie without much prompting and looked to the TV playing cartoons. He didn’t know what to say or do. He felt out of place. “I’ll be in my room if you need me,” he mumbled before walking off.

Carl sighed when the man left.  He should apologize. He just walked out on Negan when he was talking. Wait- No- he can walk away. It’s okay what he did. Judith smiled and ate her sandwich happily giggling because it tasted good. Carl watched her eat before he reached over and grabbed the other half of her sandwich, eating it himself.

...

Negan sat back on his bed and flipped through the channels on his TV, munching on his sandwiches. He wasn’t expecting Carl to come crawling back to him. It was Negan who had pushed the boy, and he knew that. He just wanted to give him some space. Negan knew he was supposed to keep an eye on Carl, but sometimes it felt suffocating. He wanted to be with the boy, but he didn’t want to hover.

...

Carl smiled in Judith’s lap, rocking with her softly. He loved her so, so much. He was so tired of it though. The past had just made it so hard for Carl to let go. He couldn’t stand it. He felt like he wanted to scream and rip out his hair but he couldn’t. He’d scare Judith.

Carl pushed his nose into the girl’s hair, breathing in. “You need a bath Judy.” He chuckled a little.“You’re a bit stinky.” He smiled.

...

Negan watched half an episode of some dumb reality show before nodding off, sitting up against his headboard, head lolled to the side. He snored softly. As he slept, he dreamt of random things. Lucille walking beside him in a park. Being in his old garage woodworking. Carl laughing as Negan tickled him. The images jumped around his brain, never sticking for too long.

…

Carl slipped Judith off his lap and went down the hallway, looking in random doors trying to find a bathroom that wasn’t a part of the master bedroom, praying that there was one.

…

Negan’s dreams started growing darker as they continued. Lucille, growing sicker. Carl, growing thinner. Negan, standing in the bathroom looking at himself in the mirror until his reflection grinned at him maniacally and shifted and changed until it’s Rick’s face looking back at him.

…

Finally, Carl found one and opened up the door smiling. He ran the bath, humming softly as he did. Taking care of Judith was a lot easier than looking at his own issues and facing them head-on.

…

Dream Negan stared at the man in the mirror, trying to look away but unable to. No. No. He was NOT this man. He was NOT…

Rick started to laugh and clicked his tongue at Negan. “You and I are not as different as you think.”

“Shut up,” Negan growled, still unable to look away.

“You call it saving, but is that really what you’re doing? You like owning and controlling. You like power.”

“SHUT UP.”

…

Carl grabbed the special shampoo he’d got for Judith and came into the living room to fetch her. “Judy, bath time,” Carl said.

“No, I’m watching a show!” she whimpered. 

“Fine you can finish it, but then bathtime.”

…

“I’m not a monster like you!” Negan screamed back at the Rick reflection.

“Oh, but aren’t you?” Rick laughed, a horrible, sickening sound. The reflection changed back to Negan himself as it continued laughing.

And then, Carl entered the reflection, looking brainwashed and numb, going to stand in front of the reflection Negan. The mirror counterpart petted Carl’s head, looking at the real Negan with a gleam in his eye. “We both know what you want to do with this boy. How you’re  _ grooming _ him. How you’re  _ manipulating _ him.” Mirror Negan ran his fingers down Carl’s throat. “Just. Like. His. Father.”

That was it. Negan growled and pulled his fist back, slamming it forward against the mirror and shattering the world around him.

He was falling. Falling through darkness.

…

Carl sat down next to Judith, picking at his fingers. He started to feel more and more guilty about walking out. Negan had done NOTHING but be helpful from the moment- well the day after- they met. Bruises faded. Cuts healed. He was fine and it was all because the man was kind enough to take him in.

He got up and went to the bedroom to apologize to Negan.

…

Negan jerked awake as his dream body hit the unseen floor in the darkness, and his real body hit the floor next to his bed. He panted slightly, looking around and trying to reorient himself. He didn’t even remember falling asleep… and… those dreams. Negan groaned and put his head in his hands, rubbing at his temples. God. He was messed up.

Carl came in the room, seeing Negan on the floor. “Are you okay? Did you fall?” He rushed over. “I just wanted to come in and say I’m sorry.”

Negan looked up, eyes wide, as Carl came rushing in. He was still a little groggy and that last dream wasn’t helping him with seeing Carl. He shook his head no, but then quickly nodded his head yes. “I-I’m fine. I fell asleep… had a bit of a nightmare…” He hummed, looking down, still rubbing at his head.

Carl came to his side and tried to help the man up. “I’m sorry. I hate nightmares...” he whispered. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

Negan leaned against Carl as he sat up. “It’s OK, Carl. I’m sorry too.” Negan sighed, not looking at the boy and just looking at his hands in his lap. “I didn’t mean to push you like that, or to scare you. I didn’t mean to be-,” Negan choked on his words.  _ Be like your dad. _ He brought his knees up and sighed, resting his forehead on them.

“Be what? You are fine, Negan?” He smiled with a small, blushing smile. “I love you.”

Negan peeked an eye out at Carl and huffed a light breath. He reached up and put his hand on Carl’s cheek. “Nothing, Carl. Thank you.”

Carl smiled and kissed the man's cheek. “I’m giving Judith a bath.”

Negan smiled and lifted his head up. “Do you want me to help? To watch?” he asked, tucking some of Carl’s hair behind his ear.

Carl nodded a little, smiling, instantly locking back onto the man. God, he loved his touch. “Yeah, you can do that, and I’ll run down to Denise? I wanna get some anti-bac wipes and cotton balls to clean the kittens.”

Negan furrowed his brows slightly. “You sure? You gonna be okay on the med floor by yourself?” Negan asked, remembering all the other times Carl had visited that floor. They never ended well.

Carl nodded. “Yeah, I’ll bring Kilot with me to keep me calm, pet him if I get nervous. I’ll only be gone for a few minutes.” He smiled.

Negan looked at Carl and said slowly, “Are you  _ sure _ that’s a good idea? You know how he reacts when you pick him up.” Negan rested his hand on Carl’s knee.

Carl nodded softly, smiling. “If I hold him to my chest hard he doesn't cry. He’s just scared of being dropped.” He giggled happily.

“Not too hard, I hope,” Negan said, squeezing Carl’s knee before patting it. He stood up, leaning against his bed and held his hand out for Carl to take. “Go on then. I’ll wash the little munchkin.”

Carl smiled and got up, kissing the man’s head before scampering into the living room. “Judith, Negan’s gonna start with your bath. I’m getting kitty bath supplies downstairs, and then I’ll come right up, okay?”

Judith nodded happily.

Negan followed Carl at a slower pace, glancing into the hall bathroom and seeing the tub already full. Huh. Carl must have started before coming to see him. He walked into the living room, going to the back of the couch and looking down at Judith. “Judy-bug, you ready to get clean?”

Judith nodded happily, smiling, reaching out to him to be picked up. “Papa!” She smiled, bouncing.

Carl smiled at the two before grabbing the crying kitten, pushing him to his chest before using his pass in the elevator, walking in it as the door closed. He shushed the kitten, smiling.

Negan grinned and reached down to pick up Judith. “Come along, darlin’.” He cradled her as he carried her to the bathroom, setting her down by the edge of the tub. “Arms up!” he said, tugging on her dress to pull it up and over her head.

She smiled happily and raised her arms over her head with a giggle.

Negan undressed Judith and helped her step into the tub. He noticed the bottles of things Carl had bought at Lush sitting by the edge of the tub and assumed that Carl had put them there to be used on Judith. Negan grabbed an empty cup from under the sink and kneeled down on the floor next to the tub. “Alright, close your eyes and let me get your hair wet so I can wash it.”

Judith nodded, closing her eyes happily. “When can I open them?” she asked. She was kind of like a puppy, obedient, curious but still capable of getting into a lot of trouble.

“In a second, hon,” Negan said, holding the side of his hand on to Judith’s forehead to act as a shield while he used the cup to scoop up some water and pour it over her hair. The little blonde curls immediately straightened out as the water drenched them.

“Alright, you can open them now,” he said, once he was satisfied her hair was all wet. He grabbed the shampoo and squeezed a dollop into his hand before rubbing his hands together. “I’m gonna shampoo your hair now, ok?” He wanted Judith to be on board with everything he was doing.

She smiled happily and opened her eyes. The smell of strawberry shortcake filled her nose. “I like the smell,” she said rocking back and forth smiling.

Negan smiled as he worked the sweet shampoo into Judith’s locks. “Yeah, your brother picked it out for you. I think he knew you’d like it.” Negan watched as the shampoo bubbled up, cleaning away any grime in the girl’s hair.

…

Kilot had quieted down a lot when the elevator opened again. Carl walked out happily. He felt confident in the skirt, sweater, and hot little shoes he was wearing. He walked down the hallway when he felt someone’s eyes on him. He held Kilot close as he turned down one of the open doorways, walking in, thinking it was Denise’s office.

“Well hello there.” A man with light skin and dark hair turned around in his office chair smiling. “How did a hot little thing like you walk into my office unannounced?” He smiled at Carl. 

Carl quickly backed up. “Sorry, I’m looking for Dr. Denise...”

The dark-haired man could see Carl getting scared and backing up. “Hey, now I was just messing with ya.” He smiled at Carl. “I could never hurt a fly.” He stood up. “Come with me. I’ll show ya to her office.” He said walking past Carl.

The boy nodded a little and muttered a quiet thank you.

“I haven’t seen ya around here. You’re new right? I see you still have a badge and not a chip.”

“Yeah, I came here last Wednesday,” Carl said, smiling a bit as he relaxed.

“What shipment did you come in?” he asked. 

“Shipment? I, um, I came alone,” Carl stammered. 

The man froze when he realized who Carl was. “You’re the little bitch that killed my friend?” he growled, his demeanor turning cold in a second. Carl started backing up again. “You better stay close to Negan, you little cock sucker.” He jabbed a finger into Carl’s chest before leaving him at the front door of Denise’s office.

Carl quickly knocked on the door to Denise’s office. “Denise! It’s me, Carl. Can I come in?!”   
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An email is sent and a problem is dealt with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyy another chapter super quick here you go have fun~

Negan was just finishing working the conditioner into Judith’s hair when Carl stepped into the bathroom. “Back,” he said with a shaky chuckle.

Negan asked Judith to close her eyes again and placed his hand on her forehead. He looked at Carl for a second before turning back at Judith to wash out the conditioner.

“I love Bubba,” she said smiling softly as Carl came into the bathroom.

“How did it go? What did Denise say?” Negan asked, noticing the slightly off way Carl had spoken, but smiling at Judith’s words.

“I got all the stuff to clean the babies but I want my gun back please. With the bullets this time?” Carl asked firmly. 

“Babies?” Judith asked.

“Kitties,” Carl answered.

Negan hummed, finished with washing out Judith’s hair. He wiped his hands on a towel and looked at Carl. “Why? What happened?” he asked calmly, knowing Carl liked having the gun for protection. If the boy felt unsafe in his facility, Negan wanted to know why.

“Just in case? Okay.” Carl crossed his arms with a small frown. He was still holding the kitten. Kilot was getting used to Carl’s touch.

“Carl,” Negan said firmly. He shifted to face the boy and gestured for Carl to come and sit  down in front of him. “Tell me what happened. Please.”

Carl sighed and knelt down on the plush bath mat in front of the man as he petted the little kitten’s head. “Nothing. Someone just wasn’t happy to see me, and when he was happy, I was a bit uncomfortable.”

Negan pet Kilot softly with one finger before placing his hands on Carl’s upper arms and rubbing gently. “What do you mean, Carl? Who was it?” Negan asked, cocking his head to the side. Negan had the feeling he was going to have to  _ talk _ to his people.

“I’m not telling you. You’ll hurt them,” Carl muttered. Judith whined at that, looking up at the two men next to her. “It’s not a big deal, but if you give me a gun to flash around it’ll be even less of an already small deal.”

Negan frowned and looked down. Was that really what Carl thinks he’d do?  _ Wasn’t that really what Negan would do? _ “No, Carl. I wouldn’t hurt them. I’d just talk to them.” He looked back up at Carl, placing his hands on the boy’s cheeks. “I don’t want you to feel unsafe here. I don’t want you to have to flash a gun at anyone here.” Negan sighed.

Carl blushed a little and cuddled into the man’s hands. He loved this. He knew that he was pretty as a picture on his knees with Negan’s hands on him. Even in a non-sexual way, he just loved it. “I don’t know his name. He just, he-“ Carl decided to leave the ‘hot little thing like you’ comment out of it because he didn’t want Negan to take away his outfit. “I killed one of his friends I guess.”

Negan hummed, running his thumbs along Carl’s cheekbones. Considering a lot of his staff were close with one another, it wasn’t crazy that some of the men Carl had taken down had friends still working for Negan. “Yes, I suppose you did…” Negan had been so busy taking care of Carl and Judith, he hadn’t had time to really address his people. He still hadn’t even visited Arat.

Negan made a mental note to send out a staff email about Carl and Judith and what to do and not do about them. He also wanted to make a live announcement about them, just in case people didn’t open their mail. Negan leaned forward and kissed Carl’s forehead. “Let me take care of it, ok?

Carl blushed a little and nodded. “Yes, sir,” he said, cuddling into the man's hand before turning his head a little and licking at Negan’s thumb, purring.

Judith whimpered, the bath beginning to get cold. “Papa, out,” she said, starting to get up to a standing position so she could be lifted out of the tub.

Negan smiled and patted Carl’s cheek, suppressing a shiver at the lick, before turning to Judith. “You ready to get out? Okay.” He grabbed the fluffy towel from behind him and stood up, wrapping it around Judith before scooping her up and holding her close. Judith smiled a little and cuddled into the man’s chest, happily wrapping her little arms around his neck. 

“Carl, will you be a dear and drain the tub for me?” Negan asked, petting the teen’s head before walking out to get Judith changed. Carl nodded softly and bent over the side of the tub pulling the drain, letting it all drain out. He liked this. He felt so safe with Negan it was so strange. He trusted Negan’s word.

Negan took Judith back into her room and picked out some pajamas, helping her wiggle into them. “You wanna go see if Carl needs help washing the kittens?” he asked her, placing her down on the floor and holding his hand out to her, ready to lead the way to the living room.

She smiled in her soft grey and blue long sleeve PJs. They felt good. She nodded, taking his hand ready to go to the living room.

Carl had a warm wet towel that he had all the kittens on. He was holding one, Gina’s kitty, and wiping its bum.

Negan took Judith to the living room, leading her to where Carl was. He let go of her hand and patted both siblings on the head. “I’ll be right back. A couple minutes, ok?” he said, before kissing both on the head and then making his way to the elevator, going to the lobby floor.

As soon as Negan was gone, Carl wanted to go and look for the gun. But when he stood up to look, he took a deep breath. ‘ _ Negan, Negan will keep us safe _ .’ He got back down to clean the rest of the kittens while Judith petted the mum.

…

Negan went straight to Gina and dictated an email to be sent out to all staff.

“ _ Dear Staff, _

_ As many of you already know, we have acquired a few new young residents. Carl (17) and Judith (4) will be staying with us for an indeterminate amount of time. Treat them with the utmost respect as you would me or any other staff member. _

_ Yes, Carl is responsible for the deaths of a few of our friends who will be remembered fondly. Nothing I say will absolve him of these crimes, but please know he was working under orders, just as many of you often are. _

_ If you have any questions, concerns, or comments about the situation, please come find me. I will be happy to talk to you. _

_ Negan. _ ”

After the email was sent, Negan got on the intercom system, making sure his floor was  _ not _ receiving the transmission and reiterated what he’d just said in the email. When he was done he gave the mic back to Gina.

“Has someone done something to the kids?” she asked, curiously.

Negan bit at his bottom lip. “I think someone said some harsh words to Carl. I’m just trying to stop it from happening again.”

Gina nodded, turning back to her computer slowly. She hoped Negan’s words helped.

Within ten minutes, Negan’s email account began to blow up with employees’ requests and inquiries and some straight up threats. Many were just sad and eloquently worded individuals requesting a public apology from the boy. 

One was from a man, Alfonso Escarta. His wife, April, was one of the people killed. He confessed that she had been two months pregnant at the time. All he wanted was to know why. Four more were concerned parents scared for their children's safety with what they believed to be a psychopathic teenager in the building. Giving the fact they’d only seen the boy when he’d killed four people and gunned down seven with little remorse in his eyes, Negan understood why. A few were asking why in the world Carl wasn’t working up the ladder from the bottom jobs  like the rest of the people they took in.

Then, there were two emails. Both sent from Anonymous cache accounts that expired after a few hours of being opened. One was a curse filled angry email.

“ _ That little devil will burn one way or another _ ...  _ You can’t protect evil forever _ ... “ _ He’ll come for you too _ .”

The other said much more sexually threatening words.

“ _ Hot piece of ass… Keeping him to yourself is such a shame… Be careful leaving it alone... If I see it again I won’t control myself… Keep it hidden away in your tower of protection before the hands of the needy get what we want _ .”

The second one was more specifically threatening where the first was much more broad. The second one was more malicious too. Dehumanizing Carl back to an ‘It’ in the writer's mind made it easier to threaten to take him away from Negan like they were taking away a toy.

Negan sighed as he clicked through his emails, having Gina check through them on her computer as well. He knew people would want Carl to apologize, and Negan agreed. He’d bring it up with the boy ASAP. They’d both needed to make a public appearance and do some more explaining.

Negan did reply to Alfonso, explaining that Carl had been after Negan and, unfortunately, April had just been in the way. It wasn’t intentional who he killed. Negan wished he’d known about the pregnancy though. He would never have put April on duty.

Negan knew the compensation package sent to the families of the fallen was enough to keep them going and then some, but he knew it did seem impersonal. He told Alfonso that if he ever wanted to get lunch with Negan to just ask.

Negan had Gina reply to the parents, telling them about her experiences with Carl and Judith and her son, hoping to quell their fears with words from a fellow parent.

The threats concerned Negan greatly. Though they came from burner emails, they obviously came from someone on his staff, and Negan was NOT happy knowing that people like them were employees in his building. He had a vague suspicion one of them came from someone in the med wing.

He told Gina to be ready to schedule a full staff meeting and not to respond to any emails unless they were concerned parents. She agreed.

“Who do you think sent the scary ones?” she asked, pointing to those on the screen.

Negan sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said as he walked towards the elevator. “But I’m going to find out.”

Emails continued to come in, but at a slower rate. Only two more were parents worried about Carl being here and one person asking why Negan was keeping the little girl with Carl.

Another threat came in. “I’m watching them now. The boy’s in the west wing elevator. You should really put a bell on the boy. God, why would you let him dress like a little whore?”

Negan responded to the one inquiring about Judith, explaining that they were brother and sister and had been raised in abusive conditions together, thus were dependent on each other.

Negan scoffed at the next threat email.  _ He _ was in the west wing elevator, and Carl was obviously not there. The elevator dinged as it stopped on the med floor and Negan got out, going to Denise’s office to ask some questions.

…

As soon as Negan got off the elevator, Carl got on. He had already said ‘stay there’ to Judith, leaving her with cartoons playing on the TV. Daryl was down the big hall so he felt comfortable leaving her. He, however, had a knife tucked into the back of his skirt. He let himself into the elevator with his keycard and went down to the first floor, holding a bowl in his hand. He quickly scampered to the front desk to see Gina. “Gina I brought you a surprise.”

Gina looked up in surprise as Carl appeared. She eyed his outfit, though she’d seen it earlier, but didn’t say anything, instead looking to the bowl in his hand. “Oh? For me?” she asked, standing up and leaning over the desk. “What is it?”

“It’s a visit from your kitten!” he squealed happily, showing her the black and grey kitten in the soup bowl. He had just cleaned him so he smelt like a clean baby.

Gina clapped her hands over her mouth and gasped before reaching into the bowl and picking up the kitten. “Oh my gosh!” She brought the kitten up to her face and rubbed her cheek against the soft fur. “It’s so adorable! Thank you, Carl! Oh, this made my day!”

Carl smiled happily. The baby kitten let out soft cries and mewls as it was rubbed against Gina. “Aren’t they wonderful?” he giggled.

“Yes! Very much so!” Gina grinned and held the kitten in one hand while petting it softly with the other. “Oh, I’ll have to get Noah to start thinking up names. Can we tell if it’s a boy or girl yet?” she asked, rubbing behind the kittens ear.

“I’m not sure. I just, I don't like looking between their little legs. It feels weird.” He chuckled a bit. “Yeah, so I can just leave you with him for a bit and head up back to Judith.” He waved as he left to the elevator.

Gina perked up as she watched Carl go back to the elevator, kitten still in her hands. “I- oh- ok!” She set the kitten down in her lap, her skirt holding it up. “Thank you again!” she called after Carl.

“No problem! I’ll be back by dinner,” he said smiling, leaving to go back upstairs.

…

Negan knocked on Denise’s door before letting himself in. “Hey, Denise?” he called out upon entering. “It’s me!”

“Fuck!” Tara yelled from inside the room. There was scrambling for a few moments before Denise came to the door, stepping towards Negan instead of stepping aside to let him in. 

“Hello, sir.” She smiled a bit. “How are you?”

Negan grinned at her with knowing eyes. “I’m fine, Denise. I was just wondering if someone was with Carl when he came here earlier? Or like, did he seem off?” His smile fell as he asked. “Who else was working on this floor about the time he came down?”

“In all honesty I thought he was all weird because he had gotten into a fight with you. I saw nothing, and I didn’t see anybody with him.”

Negan frowned. “No, it wasn’t me. It was someone here. Who is on shift right now?” he asked, more demandingly.

“Paul, David and Lila,” she said. “And me, of course, on emergency staff.” She laughed a bit awkwardly. “I heard over the speakers… did something happen to him?”

Negan frowned harder. He’d gotten some complaints about David before. He’d check in with him first. “Yeah, he ran into someone who wasn’t too happy about Carl killing his friend,” Negan explained. “I think there was more but Carl clammed up about it. Kid wants me to give him a gun to protect himself.” Negan shook his head and sighed. “I don’t want him to feel that way here, and I figured the staff needed an explanation from what’s been happening these past couple of days, you know?”

“Agh!” A woman’s aggravated scream rang out before a door opened and a young woman with long, brown, curly hair ran out of the office. She was in shorts and a long sleeved sweater.

“Sweetie! Sweetheart! Get back here.” David came out of his office holding his red cheek in his hand from where the woman had hit him.

“Oh dear,” Denise said, fiddling with the door handle nervously.

Negan whipped around and watched the exchange for a moment before stepping in front of the woman as she made her way down the hall in his direction. “Excuse me, miss. Are you alright?” he asked her kindly, hands up placatingly.

“Yes, yes. I’m fine.” She glared over Negan’s shoulder at David. “Sorry if I interrupted you, boss.” She licked her lips, realizing this was Negan. She was one of Rick’s people who’d just arrived, so this was her first face to face with Negan.

Negan shook his head and flashed a smile at her. “No trouble at all. I’m just concerned about you.” Negan flashed a warning glare back at David telling him not to move before looking back at the woman and dropping his volume. “Did he hurt you?” he asked, concern lacing his words.

David looked away when Negan looked at him but started glaring at the girl straight afterwards.

“No, he just grabbed me-“ she paused. “Between my legs,” she said, clenching her jaw. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make a scene,” she said quickly, looking down at the ground. She had marks all over her ankles.

Negan frowned and swallowed a growl, trying not to scare the girl. “Don’t be sorry. It’s ok,” he said, moving his hand slowly and placing it softly on her shoulder. “If anything like this happens you can always come to me or another high ranking officer. Behavior like this will not be tolerated here.” Negan flashed a glance back at David, already filing the termination forms in his mind. He looked back to Denise and then back to the woman. “Were you here for a check up? Denise can perform it for you if you need,” he said, pointing towards the doctor.

She nodded a little. “I’m fine. Just like I told my floor manager. I’m okay. I don’t need to see anyone. May I please leave now?” She was shrinking into herself, almost mirroring Carl when he first got here.

“Negan this is a misunderstanding. I was giving her a check up when she hit me and ran out. She’s clearly got some issues and with all this fake rape cases in the media it must have gotten in her head,” David defended himself.

Negan turned and pointed at David, fire in his eyes. “You. Shut the fuck up,” he spat. He turned back to the woman and took a deep breath, calming down. “You,” he said softer to her. “Don’t be afraid to ask for help, ok?” He squeezed her shoulder softly before dropping his hand. “Of course you can leave, but first tell me your name?”

“Amy,” she said shakily, clearly itching to leave. David rolled his eyes. 

Negan smiled. “Alright, Amy. Thank you. You can go now,” he said lightly, pointing towards the elevator down the hall. He didn’t even wait to see her walk off before he turned and stalked towards David, grabbing him by the bicep in a steel grip and pulling him into his own office, closing the door behind them.

“What the  _ fuck _ , David? You already had two strikes against you and then you pull this  _ shit _ ?” Negan jerked David forward, pushing him down into a nearby chair. “I’m not fucking playing. Start packing your shit.”

“One crazy slut says I grabbed her kitty and you’re throwing me out? Those other two lead me on and then regretted it?” he growled. “Is this because of the kid last night? Why the hell was he wearing that? He looked like a whore.” He growled.

“You’re the only one here with repeated sexual harassment strikes,” Negan growled back. His eyes flashed at the comments about Carl, confirming that it had been David the boy had had the misfortune to meet. Negan also assumed the more sexual of the threatening emails had been from David as well. “I looked the other way for a while because you’re a damn good doctor when you actually wanna be, but I’ve had it.”

Negan leaned over David, grabbing the arm rests on either side of the man. “I will not have misogynistic rapists like you working for me,” Negan said through clenched teeth. “I’ll spare you one kindness and not turn you into the police, but I want you gone within the hour. Got it?”

David looked up at Negan and shook his head. “The little cunt hitched his skirt up for me. He had these big fuck-me eyes and those heels that make his legs look like a barbie? Do you actually think the boy likes you Negan? He’s using you to get what he wants,” he said, getting up. “When the whore cheats don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Negan’s fists clenched at his sides. Oh, he wanted to punch David in the fucking face so bad. But, he’d told Carl he’d only talk to him, so talk was all he’d do.

“You do know there are cameras in here, right?” Negan spoke, voice low. “I don’t believe a word you’re saying, but if I did, all I’d have to do is look back at the footage, so why don’t you tie up your silver tongue before it gets you hurt?” Negan got his phone out and speed dialed the number of his dismissal agents. He told them the room and the person before hanging up. “You have 30 minutes.”

“Okay, boss,” David said, his voice dripping venom but he kept his smile. “I’ll be out,” he said, waiting for Negan to leave.

Negan didn’t leave the room until the dismissal team, two guys larger than Negan, showed up about five minutes later. He left David in their hands as he exited the room and hurriedly made his way back to the elevator.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Negan get ready for the entire staff assembly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Movin' right along~ Enjoy!

As the doors opened, Negan stepped out of the elevator and quickly looked around. He spotted Carl on the ground by the couch with Kilot on his chest as he watched Beauty and the Beast. He went over to him, kneeling down by his head and leaning down to kiss his forehead before resting his own against Carl’s. He put his hands on either side of Carl’s face and ran his thumbs over his smooth cheeks, just trying to calm down and focus on the boy beneath him.

Carl looked up at him pouting. Negan seemed so upset. “Negan? Are you okay?” he asked, sniffling. You seem upset.”  _ God, did someone yell at him or something? _ Carl thought as he sat up.

Negan nodded, pulling Carl and the kitten into his arms. “I’m fine. I’m fine. Just… let me hold you for a minute. I need to think. Please.” Negan buried his face into Carl’s neck and took a deep breath.

He needed to plan out when and how he was going to have the full staff assembly. He needed to plan what he would say to Carl and what he would need Carl to say. He could still feel his phone vibrating from time to time in his pocket with email replies. He would need to check that David was removed cleanly.

Negan sighed, breathing in, breathing out.

Carl let the man hold him, not knowing what else to do. “Okay, Negan...” He blushed and flinched back when the beast was yelling at Belle. He watched her run away. “He’s a dick,” Carl growled at the screen. Judith whimpered as they used scary onscreen imagery like lightning and loud noises to try and depict the beast as a scary, evil man.

Negan glanced up at the screen, still holding Carl. He watched for a moment. “He is a dick but he’s also lonely and hasn’t had much social interaction in a while,” Negan explained. He reached up to the couch to hold Judith’s foot to try and comfort her. “It’s also just how the fairy tale goes. He’s supposed to be a  _ beast _ ,  but he does get better.” Negan rubbed his bearded cheek against Carl’s head.

She smiled. “Better?” Judith asked smiling. Carl smiled and cuddled back to Negan, he wanted to be under him even more like a blanket. He felt so safe and loved and warm under him. It felt good.

“Yeah, he gets nicer and falls in love with the girl. You’ll see the real beast is the guy back in town who tried chatting her up earlier,” Negan said, trying to remember what he could from the movie. He’d seen it so long ago with Lucille. He shifted so he was sitting on the ground, legs outstretched on either side of Carl, still holding Judith’s foot.

Carl snuggled into the man’s chest and legs, getting closer as they watched. He picked up a high-calorie shake that he’d been drinking prior and sucked on the straw, finishing it off, before putting it back down.

Negan kissed Carl’s head as he watched Carl finish the shake, a silent thank you. He was half watching the movie and half still going over plans in his head. He wanted to get Carl to apologize as soon as possible and address people’s concerns so that the air would be cleared.

“I love cuddling,” Carl told Negan, squirming under him. “Why so lovey right now?” he asked Negan quietly.

Negan hummed, shaking himself from his thoughts, and nuzzling into Carl’s hair. “Mmm, I just have a lot on my mind. Holding you calms me,” Negan said softly, squeezing Carl closer.

“I’m like your stuffie? Or a doll?” Carl giggled a little, smiling.

“No, you’re better,” Negan said, kissing Carl’s shoulder. “You’re warm and alive and have your own thoughts and opinions.” Negan bent his knees up, bracketing Carl in as he rested his chin on the boy’s shoulder.

Carl giggled happily.  _ God, Negan was truly perfect _ . He leaned up and kissed Negan deeply, purring a little against his lips. He wanted the man’s arms around him.

Negan pressed into the kiss, closing his eyes and just enjoying the feeling. He’d never get tired of Carl’s kisses. The boy’s lips were like candy. Judith’s foot was still in Negan’s hand and he squeezed it once before letting go in order to wrap one arm around Carl’s chest. He trailed his other hand along Carl’s extended neck as the boy leaned back to kiss Negan.

Carl whimpered a moan into the kiss as his mouth was pressed against Negan’s. “Mm, Negan.” Carl cuddled into him before he pulled away, giggling. “Now are you gonna tell me what’s up?”

Negan sighed, tracing his fingers along Carl’s neck lightly. “I sent out an email,” Negan started, softly. “Just informing people about you and Judith’s presence here, and there’s a bit of upset. People have questions and they want an apology from you for killing their friends when you first came here.” Negan reached up and rubbed at his temple. “I want to have an assembly so we can speak to everyone at once. Would you be alright with that?”

Carl whimpered softly as he cuddled into the man’s chest. “Okay… that’s okay,” he said, frowning. “I can do that, but I really want my gun.”

Negan wrapped his arms around Carl. “You can have it after the assembly. Ok? I promise.” Negan kissed Carl’s temple. “Also, I fired the man who spoke to you in the med wing. Not just because of what he said to you. He had a history of sexual misconduct and I was tired of it.” He rested his chin on Carl’s shoulder. “I don’t want anyone to be afraid to walk these halls. Especially not because of one of my staff.”

“Yeah. It felt bad when he was- in my space,” Carl said, pouting. “They’re gonna come for me. I know. Please. lemme have it at the assembly or whatever you said,” he said nervously. “And Judith stays up here, away from everyone and I’m changing.”

Negan shushed Carl softly. “Carl, I’ll be right there next to you. No one is going to hurt you.” He carded his fingers through Carl’s hair. “Plus, how do you think it will look if the boy apologizing for shooting down people still has a gun on him? Not only will people not trust you, but they won’t trust me.” He squeezed Carl. “I can’t have that, Carl.” Negan kissed the boy’s temple again. He just wanted to give Carl as much contact as he could.

“And yes, we can leave Judith with Daryl. You can change while I send out the announcement and everyone gets into position. It’ll be held in the garage, the only place big enough to hold everyone at once.” Negan explained. He hummed as he ran his hand down Carl’s chest. “Would you feel better wearing a bulletproof vest? I can get one for you.”

Carl whimpered a little. “No. I’m scared. What if someone tries to shoot me? I have nothing to defend myself with,” he said shakily. “And I’m not sorry.” He said looking up at the man with his big doe eyes. “What I did was an order I had to do to keep Judith alive. I won’t apologize for keeping my sister alive.”

Negan sighed again. He could feel a headache coming on. “Carl, your orders were to kill  _ me _ . I understand you had to defend yourself to get to me, but now you have to deal with the results. The people you killed had friends, families. I’ll let you explain to my people how you want, but you will have to deal with the questions they’re going to throw at you, you understand?”

Negan rubbed soft circles into Carl’s chest with his large, warm hand. “I’ll give you a vest, but you’re not getting the gun. Please, Carl. Just trust me on this. I can not have you pulling a weapon on stage even if someone shoots at you. Which they won’t. No one even carries a weapon on them except my guards, but I’ll set up a shakedown right at the entrance of the garage just to make sure, ok?” He kissed Carl’s neck. “Please, Carl?”

The boy looked down, rubbing his hands together anxiously before nodding. “Okay… I still stand by the fact that I won’t hesitate to kill another person,” he mumbled.

After a minute he got up off of Negan. “I’m going to go get changed,” he muttered, leaving Negan on the floor and Judith still watching the movie.

When Carl got up, Negan quickly sent out the announcement for a full staff meeting, called a few people to explain the weapon check, and called Dwight asking him to bring up a small bulletproof vest. It would take roughly half an hour for everyone to get settled into place, so Negan and Carl had a few minutes to get ready.

Carl went into the bedroom and started looking for that pair of scissors. Once he found that and a few other suitable things, he called out to Negan. “Negan! Where’s my fucking bandage? I need to cover my eye!”

Negan rolled his eyes when Carl yelled out to him. He stood, popping his back, and kissed Judith on the head. “Be right back, sweet pea,” he said before walking to his room.

He stood in the doorway and looked at Carl. Negan knew he was up to something. Probably had something sharp up his sleeve. He cocked his head at the boy. “I threw that old one out. It was gross. Come with me, and I’ll give you a new one,” Negan explained, gesturing for Carl to follow him as he made his way to the master bathroom.

The boy was now in plain jeans and a grey t-shirt with a green and blue plaid shirt over it. Carl followed Negan into the bathroom, licking his lips nervously. “I’m not a bad person… right?” he asked the other, looking up at him with a small frown. Carl had killed so many people over his life.

“Sit,” Negan said, pointing to the chair in front of the mirrored counter. He dug around in a drawer for a first aid kit. “Kid, sometimes people do bad things,” he started. “If your intent to do the bad thing is just to do a bad thing, and you don’t feel regret after, then you might be a bad person.” He found the kit and placed it in the counter, starting to dig through it. “If you do the bad thing for a good reason, and feel remorse afterward, then no, you’re probably not.”

Negan set gauze and a roll of white bandage out on the counter before turning to Carl and looking at him. “You’re a kid who was in a shitty situation who was trying to keep his sister alive. I don’t think you’re a bad person, Carl,” he said, softly. “But a lot of people here do.”

“Okay… you can go now.” Carl picked up his bandage and began wrapping his eye, which looked so, so much better now than it ever used to. It looked like it was really healing. Negan crossed his arms but nodded, kissing Carl on the head before leaving him be.

Carl waited for the man to leave before getting out a hairbrush, brushing his hair out before knotting it up in a loose bun. He took a deep breath.

...

Negan sat down on his bed to wait for Carl, keeping an ear open since he couldn’t see the boy. He rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. God, he was stressed.

Carl picked up a glass bowl on the counter, dumping out the soap it held, taking a deep breath again. He needed to look the part. “One, two, three.” He slammed the crystal into the lower right side of his face, breaking it against himself. It shattered in his hand and he instantly felt the warm liquid drip from his lip.

Negan jolted at the sound of glass shattering. “What the fuck?” He made his way back to the bathroom hastily, freezing when he looked at Carl’s reflection in the mirror and saw the blood. Carl looked at the mirror. He wasn’t cut up too bad but it was gonna swell up for the assembly.

“What…” Negan was dumbstruck. Why would Carl do that? What was he trying to accomplish?

And then Negan felt a flare of anger flick through him that made tears spring to his eyes. He gritted his teeth and made his way over to Carl with heavy footsteps, kneeling down in front of the boy and taking his bloody face in his hands to turn it and look at it.

“What the  _ fuck _ , Carl?” He hissed. “I can’t leave you alone for two seconds without you pulling some stupid move like this?!” His voice was almost a yell, but it was full of concern and confusion.

Carl looking up at him, holding his bloodied lip in his hand. “I’m not dumb. I’m smart,” he whimpered, fighting back the pain in his voice. “People are going to be calling for my head. They already hate me. They would respond better if it was already hurt. If it looked like you already punished me somehow. And since I know you wouldn’t do it for real, I had to do it. It’s just an extra measure to make sure nothing happens at this thing I gotta go to.”

Negan shook his head as he shakily pulled a few small pieces of glass out of Carl’s face. “Goddamn it, Carl…” he breathed, turning to grab the gauze still sitting on the counter and pressing it to the worst of the bleeding on the boy’s lip. He growled softly, just staring at him. He wanted to yell at him. Wanted to shake him. Wanted to ask him why he liked to torture Negan like this.

But he didn’t.

He took a deep breath and kept a heavy steady gaze on Carl. “Carl, half the people you’re going to be talking to  _ helped rescue Judith _ . They know what you were living in. They’re going to understand.” Negan pressed on the gauze a little harder. “And almost all of them know  _ me _ . They know I’d never hurt a child, not even a teen, not even as punishment.”

Negan took in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. “Carl, things don’t run here the way they did at your dad’s. These people here are here because they want to be and they trust me to be a good leader,” he said. “You can blame this on someone else. Blame David, the man from the med ward, for all I care, but I ask you, I beg you, do  _ not _ say  _ I _ did this to you.” Negan sniffed. “I would never…”

Carl blushed a little as the man slowly but surely cleaned him up. “I know you think that Negan.” He sighed softly as his fat lower lip split down the side, bleeding a little. “People think the same,” Carl muttered as he was cleaned up. “I won’t be saying shit unless someone asks, but those who aren’t too happy will be happy to see me like this. It’ll de-escalate any violent thoughts. Reduce the risk of being attacked by the outliers. The ones that weren’t there.” He wasn’t in kid mode anymore. He was speaking like an old and wise Carl.

Negan knew Carl was right. He hated it, but the kid was right. This would also win him some sympathy from those who weren’t violent, the parents in the group. Negan was still worried he’d be getting some flack for this, not that anyone would say it to his face, but gossip would run.

Negan dropped the hand holding the gauze, examining the wound. It was still oozing a little but the bleeding had mostly stopped. Negan sighed. “Well, it’s not like I can make you undo this now,” he said, frowning. When did the kid get so wise? “But yes, I suppose you do have a point.” Negan leaned up, bumping his nose on Carl’s. “Just promise me you won’t hurt yourself again?” With a tilt of his head, Negan pressed his lips against Carl’s bloody ones, his tongue poking out to run along the cut.

The kid didn’t promise anything. He just kissed back, moaning softly into his lips. He loved being so close. How warm the other man felt against him. “How long will this conference be?” he asked with a small whimper. “How many people will be there?” He squirmed closer so he was squatting on the man’s lap.

Negan held Carl as he moved closer, licking the teen’s blood off his own lips. “I don’t know how long it will be. As long as it needs to be to answer everyone’s questions,” Negan said, shrugging. He ran his hand up and down Carl’s back, going over Carl’s waistband before moving back up. “It’s an all-staff meeting, which means everyone who is able to attend will be there.” Negan pecked at Carl’s lips. “It’s going to be a lot of people.”

Carl licked his lips. “No promises that I will be answering them honestly,” he said chewing his lip, tasting the metallic, salty liquid on his tongue and between his teeth. “I’ll do my best,” he whispered down at Negan.

Negan nodded, letting one hand run down over Carl’s waist to his thigh, squeezing lightly. “Be as honest as you can. Don’t get trapped in any lies you can’t uphold. Don’t try to sound like you’re just giving them what they want. It’ll sound rehearsed and impersonal,” Negan explained as he softly ran his hand down the side of Carl’s shin to his ankle before moving back up, going all the way up to Carl’s chest, resting his hand over Carl’s heartbeat. “I’ll be right next to you the whole time.”

Carl smiled softly with a nod, “Well I’m ready whenever,” he whispered. “Maybe grab some water but I’m okay. I look fine?” he asked about the outfit. He dressed as “normal” and unflashy as he possibly could.

Negan nodded and started running his hand back down Carl’s thigh. “Yes, you look great, and we can go just as soon as you tell me…” Negan glided his hand down Carl’s leg again, following the path he’d taken before. He’d felt something there during the first pass over. He curved his hand around Carl’s calf, covering the hard object, and squeezed it against Carl’s leg. “What’s this?” Negan tilted his head, looking at Carl expectantly.

“Something for an emergency situation,” he said, licking his lips as he got up from the man’s lap, trying to step away from him but his calf remaining in Negan’s grasp. “Don’t worry about it,” he said again, hoping the man would drop it and get up from where he was kneeling on the glass-covered tile floor.

Negan jerked Carl’s calf where he had it tight in his grip, getting the boy to fall back in his lap. His grip was sure to be digging the object hard into Carl’s tiny leg. Carl let out a small yelp when he crumbled back down into Negan’s lap. He hissed slightly as the snapped tooth brush dug into his skin. It wasn't enough puncture it but it was enough to hurt.

“Carl,” Negan said in a warning tone. He locked gazes with Carl’s eye. “You’ll be going through the same frisking that everyone else will be. You can  _ not _ have anything on you.”

“Why the fuck do I have to go throw the frisking? They’re the ones that wanna kill me!” Carl fought back with a small whine. He felt like he was going into a battle arena with nothing on him to help and it was 1000 against 1. It wasn’t fair.

“Because, Carl,” Negan rolled the ‘R’ on Carl’s name as he leaned forward. “You are ‘in the wrong’ in this situation. You have to play the apologetic penitent child. You can’t go in guns blazing, or weapons hidden, or else no one will trust you.” Negan tapped his fingers against the object in Carl’s pants. “I’ve had parents email me fearing for their children’s lives, asking me why I would let such a dangerous person live here. I’ve had a grieving husband tell me that you killed his pregnant wife!” Negan took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, closing his eyes. God, he wished Carl would just listen to him for once. “I’m not going to let you get hurt, Carl,” he said in a calmer voice. “I’d never put you in harm’s way like that. If I thought this would be dangerous for you, I wouldn’t allow it.”

“Not the first time I killed a pregnant woman,” Carl huffed out in a whisper. “I’m not sorry though,” he muttered looking down. “It's how life goes. People have to die in order for other people to live.”

Negan was upset at Carl’s lack of empathy and the way he just casually spoke about death. He knew it was from the way Carl was raised, but Negan didn’t know how to fix it. Didn’t know if it could be fixed.

“I...” Carl took a deep breath. “I trust you,” he whispered. “I trust that you don’t think anything will happen.” He leaned in and kissed him.

Negan kissed Carl back, bringing his hands up to the teen’s face, holding him gently, welcoming the distraction. The metallic taste of Carl’s blood was almost sweet to Negan. He wished they could just stay like this. He didn’t want to have to deal with all these problems. He just wanted to be with Carl and Judith and be happy.

Carl kissed back much harder and rougher than his partner. His adrenaline had begun to spike. Negan made a noise of surprise at the roughness of Carl’s kisses. He was so used to the teen being more docile during anything like this. He couldn’t lie though. He liked it a lot.

Carl nuzzled into the man’s neck. “Let go...” Negan panted softly when Carl broke the kiss and let him go when he asked. Carl pulled away and stood up. He took out a switchblade from his waistband, a razor blade from his sneaker, a letter opener from his sleeve and a broken tooth brush from his calf. “Now I’m all clean.”

Negan watched with wide eyes as Carl kept pulling sharp items off himself. He knew the kid liked to carry stuff on him, but holy hell. You’d think he was walking into a lion’s den. He frowned at the broken toothbrush. “That was mine,” he said with a small pout, pointing at it.

Carl looked at it and shrugged. “Sorry.” He put it down. “I just...” He sighed again. “I don't feel good about this. The way that David looked at me after he found out who I was...” He looked down. “He looked like… I don’t know. I never saw that type of face on anyone before. It was like hatred but also… like he wanted to do something else.” He swallowed thickly.

Negan rose up on his knees and hugged Carl. “That’s just because it was David. He’s predatory, got two sexual assaults reported against him, and I’m sure there were more that didn’t report him,” Negan said, sighing. “He’s always had a weird vibe around him, even when I hired him, but he was a damn good doctor, so I looked past it.” Negan shook his head, resting it on Carl’s chest. “I shouldn’t have. I should never have let him in.” He sighed. “Trust me, no one else here is like that. No one gets hired here without going through me.”

Carl nodded and cuddled into him. “Okay.” Carl kissed Negan’s head giggling. “You’re a good man, Negan. Let’s just do this,” he said and smiled weakly at Negan.

Negan smiled back and stood, careful of the glass. “Thank you, Carl. Careful now.” He helped Carl walk around the sharp pieces on the floor and ushered him back into the living room. Dwight was there, watching TV with Judith. He looked up when the other two emerged, standing and holding out a vest to Negan. It was small and lightweight, easy to hide under a shirt, but strong enough to stop a bullet.

Negan took the vest and held it out to Carl. “Why don’t you slip this on under your shirt. Just in case?”

Carl picked it up and nodded a little. “Don’t want any more holes in me?” He laughed a little, taking off his plaid and then his grey t-shirt. He slipped on the vest and zipped it up before putting back on the grey shirt and then the plaid. “Bulletproof, huh?” He smiled a little.

Negan smiled sadly as he watched Carl get settled. He knocked on Carl’s chest, hearing the thunk of the vest beneath Carl’s shirt. “Yup.” He nodded before turning to Dwight. “Will you take Judith to Daryl before coming down?” he asked. Dwight nodded, giving Negan a thumbs up. Negan turned back to Carl, petting his head softly. “You ready?”

Carl nodded. “Let just fucking do this,” he said, nodding softly with a sigh. “I’m ready as I’ll ever be,” he said, walking to the elevator.

Negan followed Carl, followed by Dwight who was holding Judith’s hand. They stopped at Daryl’s floor first before continuing all the way down to the garage. Negan reached over and took Carl’s hand, squeezing gently. “Just follow me, ok? We’ll be going up on a high rise walkway so we can overlook everyone.”

Carl nodded minutely. “Okay. I’m ready.” He squeezed the man’s hard with an almost stoic face. “I love you,” he whispered. It was loud enough for both of them to hear but wasn't too loud to be noticeable.

Negan smiled and looked over at Carl. “I love you too.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meeting is had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your continued reading and comments! This is a pretty fun chapter. Love that speech near the end!

The doors opened to the sound of crowd chatter echoing in the large garage down the hall. Negan held onto Carl as he led the way to the entrance where four guards were standing, blocking it off from anyone trying to enter or exit. It seemed like everyone was inside already.

“Sir.” One of the guards nodded to them as they approached. Negan nodded back and slowly let go of Carl’s hand, looking at the boy to make sure he saw that he wasn’t going anywhere. Negan stepped up to the guard and put his arms out, letting the guard frisk him. When he confirmed that Negan was clean, Negan stepped aside and gestured for Carl to step up.

Carl gave Negan a weird look.  _ He was the fucking boss. Why the hell would Negan be searched? _ Carl put his arms out to let the man touch him but it felt strange. He hoped the man wouldn’t get too handsy because his ribs and hips were pretty boney. He licked his lips, looking at his shoes as he was searched.

The guard moved down Carl’s body, knocking against Carl’s chest. “A vest?” he asked, looking up at Negan. Negan nodded and the man kept going. He got to Carl’s ankles and stood back up. “Alright, go ahead.”

“Thanks, Mark,” Negan said, taking Carl’s hand again and leading him past the entranceway and off to the left side where a system of metal stairs and landings started. The sound of the chattering got louder as they climbed the first flight, the crowd coming into view as they started up the second set. Negan kept Carl on his left, closer to the wall, letting himself be on the side with the crowd.

Carl started to feel himself become more and more overwhelmed; the noises were a lot. People talking was fine but when a few hundred people were talking it was as loud as a lion’s roar. Carl was panting a little by the time he reached the top, a bit of panic setting in. He’d never spoken to this many people who were mad at him.

Negan stopped when they reached the top walkway which spanned across the room. People in the crowd had noticed them, the conversation buzzing. They still stood off to the side, in the corner of the room. Negan squeezed Carl’s hand, turning to look at him. “Take a deep breath, Carl. It’s okay. You got this. I’m going to quiet them down and talk first. Just stay by me. Okay?”

Carl nodded, taking his hand out of Negan’s and gripping his shirt instead so that his hands weren’t as shaky. “Okay… What if I’m not able to answer they’re questions? What if I don’t know the answer?” he asked quickly.

“Just tap me, and I’ll try to answer for you,” Negan said. “I’ll be right there if you need me at any time, okay?” Negan placed his hand on Carl’s cheek in an attempt to comfort him.

Carl nodded and stepped behind Negan just a bit, calming himself as best as he could as the man gathered the crowd’s attention for him.

“Alright, come on.” Negan led the way to the middle of the walkway, stepping into the beam of a ceiling light hanging above. He made sure Carl stayed by him and was behind him when he finally turned and looked down over the crowd.

The crowd immediately grew quiet as Negan gripped the railing and leaned forward, looking down over everyone. Then, like a wave, people began to kneel. Not everyone, the new people just looked on in shock, but most of the crowd fell to one knee in Negan’s commanding presence. The man looked back at Carl and lifted his eyebrows at him. “Cool, huh?”

Carl smiled a little. He liked this power Negan had. He hated that he wanted it so badly, envy growing in his stomach. To have such power over people that you don’t have to lift a finger or say a word and they know to kneel. The power to have people listen to you with the threat of violence. It was amazing. Carl swallowed his excited smile back down and put on a neutral face once more, answering, “Yes, sir.”

Negan gave a slight chuckle, before turning back to his people. He noticed a few of Rick’s people were hesitantly starting to kneel, unsure if they should follow the crowd or not. Fast learners.

“At ease,” Negan said, voice echoing out over the entire garage now that it was quiet. The crowd slowly rose to their feet. “Thank you for coming to this meeting. I think we all know why we’re here. The email I sent out earlier today caused a bit of a…” He waved his hand in the air as he tried to think of the word. “Disturbance.”

He leaned on the rail, dangling his hands over the edge. “I understand y’all have questions,” he said, scanning the crowd. “I’m here, and Carl is here to answer them.” Negan gestured back towards Carl. “Now, we are going to do this  _ orderly _ . I want a line, right here.” He pointed down at the empty space in front of the crowd. “One person at a time, no pushing. Do I make myself clear?” A murmur of confirms rippled softly through the crowd. “Good. Who’s first?”

Carl stepped up when Negan mentioned his name, looking at the crowd in awe. It looked amazing. All these people. He felt so fucking important. He’d never felt this way before. It felt great.

Soon they ordered themselves into a line. At the beginning was a Latino woman with her hair bunched up in a messy ponytail. There was some soot on her face and she had a vest on. She looked very young, twenty-two at most, and she had a bright smile.

“Hello, ya- how much do you weigh?” she said looking up at Carl.

“Um-,” Carl looked up at Negan.

“I need to know so I can fix the vents so next time someone won’t be able to crawl through them.”

“120,” Carl lied easily.

“Okay, you have a nice day.” She walked away from the mic.

Carl smiled a little, feeling so much more relaxed and at ease now. Most of these people weren’t even angry. They just had their own questions.

Suddenly, the girl grabbed the mic back. “Also, this is Maria from Engineering and Control. I like your hair,” she said before leaving.

Negan rolled his eyes at Carl’s answer. He’d be having a talk with Maria later about that. He smiled at her compliment though and looked at Carl with a ‘See? All is well’ look.

Next up was an older man, in his late forties, it looked like. He wore a white chef coat and was wringing his white hat in his hands. He looked up at the two and cleared his throat before speaking. “Hi, I’m Peter. I work in the kitchens. I just want to know who Judith is? She was in the email but you didn’t say…” He cleared his throat again as he looked down. There was a murmur through the crowd from people who had the same question.

“Oops,” Negan said, shrugging. He looked at Carl. “You wanna answer?”

“She’s my baby sister,” he said, looking out at the crowd before looking back at Negan. His voice was a lot deeper now than when he was alone with Negan and Judith. “She turned four years old twelve days ago,” he said with a small smile from talking about her. “May 23rd.” He sighed a little, looking up at Negan.

Negan nodded at Carl’s words, mentally remembering Judith’s birthday. He turned back to the crowd. “Many of you went with us on a mission to rescue Judith from Rick’s compound. Many of you are  _ from _ Rick’s compound,” he said, looking pointedly at a few newcomers. Another murmur, a lot of nods. He spotted Amy in the crowd, flashing her a quick smile. He looked back down at Peter.

“Thank you. That’s all,” the chef said quickly before rejoining the crowd and allowing the next person forward.

The next person was a man in his early thirties. He was shooting a glare right at Carl. “How can we be civil if we don’t punish those who kill our own people? Why are you letting this-” He swallowed thickly as he glared at Carl, “-murderer stay in our own home and giving him royal fucking treatment when the rest of us have to work for a living?” he said spitefully.

Carl just looked back at Negan, not knowing what to say. Negan had to answer this one.

Negan frowned and glared right back at the man. He reached over and tugged on Carl’s shirt, telling him to get behind him. “Excuse me,” Negan quipped. “But how dare you spit the word murderer out at a teenager who was just following orders when you are literally surrounded by others who have done the same. Who have the  _ job _ of doing just that.”

Negan gestured out to the crowd of people behind the man. They were staying mostly silent, making it hard for Negan to read them. “He has been punished for his actions, given a choice of punishment just as anyone else would be. But, he’s also an abused kid with an equally abused little sister, so sorry if I’m treating them with a little more kindness than you would like.” Some of the parents in the crowd started glaring at the man at the microphone. “If you are unsatisfied with your work or your pay, bring it up to me privately. I’ll see what I can do for you.”

The man growled and pushed back from the mic, storming off angrily, pushing through the crowd to leave.

Carl cringed at Negan’s words. ‘An abused kid?’ He hated those words. He could feel more people eyeing him. Like they were sorry for him. He’d much prefer them to be angry at him than pity him.

Negan sighed, looking back at Carl and saying quietly, “You ok?” Negan wondered if that was the man who had sent one of the more threatening emails. He didn’t recognize him from the distance they were at, but he’d be able to look through his employee records later and find him for sure.

Carl glared a little at Negan. “Now they all look at me like I’m some hurt dog.” He sighed. “You didn’t have to add in the abused kit part,” he whispered.

Negan grimaced but rolled his eyes. “Sorry, but I’d rather have these people trying to protect you than kill you. Figured you would too,” Negan whispered back. He knew Carl didn’t like people thinking he was weak, but he hoped he understood that in this case, it was almost a necessity.

Carl nodded a little and sighed. “Okay,” he said and looked out at the people and at the person who had stepped up to the mic.

Negan looked back towards the next speaker, about to gesture for them to speak, when he realized he recognized them. “Arat?”

“Hiyah, boss,” Arat said, leaning on crutches. Simon stood next to her with a hand on her back. “Nice to see yah.”

Negan frowned slightly. “How are you? Should you be out of the infirmary?” Oh, now he felt really bad for never visiting her.

Arat chuckled slightly. “I wouldn’t miss an all-staff meeting, boss. Especially not when I get to see the little twerp who fucking shot me,” she bit out her last words. Simon rubbed her back, saying something to her to calm her down. She nodded and sighed. “Anyway,” she looked at Carl. “I want to know what your orders were, kid. Why did you come here? Why did you do this?”

Carl stepped up and licked his lips, clearing his throat quietly. “My d-“ He licked his lips again. “Rick... Rick gave me money and released me from the building on Tuesday afternoon and told me I had until Friday morning to kill Negan and report back to him or he’d be killing my baby sister.”

Some chattering started up in the crowd, people whispering about Carl’s answer. Negan held a hand up and they quieted back down.

“But, obviously, you didn’t succeed,” Arat said, once it was quiet again. “Negan is still standing and instead he helped you get your sister. I want to know what deal he made you. He helped you in exchange for what?” Negan leaned forward and opened his mouth to answer, but Arat cut him off. “I’m asking the kid.” Negan frowned and looked to Carl.

Carl sucked in a breath and breathed out slowly. “I paid him back with the manpower I got him from Rick’s people as well as my own. As soon as I am able to, I will pay him with my life’s service, be working for him like anyone else.” His face was rock hard and his voice steady.

Negan was quite impressed with Carl’s ability to keep a steely demeanor as he answered Arat’s questions. He knew Carl was strong, but seeing it was something different than just knowing. He looked back down at Arat. She seemed alright with that answer. Maybe not elated, but she understood.

“Good,” she said. “You’re a tough cookie, kid. It would’ve been a waste of skill if Negan had killed ya on the spot.” She glanced over at Simon. He’d told her his side of the story. She was aware of how things had gone down in the hallway. She shifted on her crutches.

“What about me? You don’t seem very concerned about  _ my _ life?” Negan asked, playfully.

Arat shrugged as well she could. “Eh, we’d get on without ya.” She grinned. A soft chuckle ran through the crowd.

Negan rolled his eyes. “Alright, alright. Are you done? Go on back to the med wing, will ya?” He shooed her away. Arat stuck her tongue out but let Simon help her turn and get back through the crowd.

Carl suddenly stepped up to the metal bar and put his hand on the metal bar in front of him. “I’m also his new business partner,” he said, his voice was so much stronger than normal. Like it was built to be heard over the crowd. “I help him obtain supplies, property, and manpower in the form of new recruitment,” he said.

Negan’s eyebrows rose as Carl started getting cocky. New business partner? Where had that come from?

The next person to take the mic had a smirk on their face as they looked up at Carl. “So what happened to your eye?” the twenty-something sneered at Carl, waiting for the hurt expression to appear on Carl’s face.

“What the hell do you think?” Carl asked. “I obviously mistook it for an apple and ate it. Next!”

Negan eyed the young kid at the mic but quickly turned back to Carl as Carl answered. Negan set a heavy hand on Carl’s shoulder. “Hey. Calm down. Don’t let this go to your head, boy. You need to look pious and not like I’m spoiling you.” He squeezed his shoulder. “Got it?”

“I’m not,” he growled at Negan a bit before looking at the crowd with a sigh. His patience and his energy were draining a lot quicker than he had hoped.

Negan hummed, giving him a look, before patting his shoulder and looking back down. The younger man had left the mic and now a middle-aged woman stood, tears silently running down her cheeks. She spoke shakily into the mic. “Hello, sir. My name is Nadia. M-my brother was one of those killed by this boy.” She sniffed and wiped at her eyes, looking up at Carl. “I understand now why he did what he did, but… I think I speak for everyone when I say that I’d like an apology.” A ripple of agreement went out through the crowd.

Carl was growing weaker by the second. It hurt him to say it, but Negan did say he could tell the truth. “I will not apologize for what I did to keep me and my sister alive and I never will.” He cleared his throat. “But I will apologize that your loved ones were the ones affected by that. I’ve lost family too. I know how hard it is.” He said looking at the woman and blocking out the crowd. He felt bad. He would do anything for Judith. He couldn’t understand how she had the humanity to stand there and listen to him. He would have killed the fucker already if this was reversed.

“I didn’t come here intending to kill anyone besides Negan. Those casualties were just because… well, they were amazing fighters. Best on their floor, and brave enough to face me. Also, I know you don’t want my tips right now, but it helps to console yourself with other family members or pets.”

Nadia actually snorted a small laugh at Carl’s ‘tips’ to help get better. It was easy to tell Carl had never had to comfort a grieving person before. Though Carl’s apology wasn’t what one would have expected, it was truthful and she understood his words. “Yes, if I’d have been in your position, I’d feel the same. I understand.” She sniffed again. “Thank you.”

Negan reached over to place his hand on Carl’s shoulder again, rubbing it softly. “Good job,” he whispered. He could see Carl growing tired, the stress of the situation taking it out of him. Carl smiled a little, thinking up a plan to win over those who have lost their loved ones. Negan looked back to the crowd.

“Just a couple more, alright? You can set up a meeting with us later if you have more questions, but I think we’ve answered enough of the hard-hitting ones for now, yeah?” he spoke to the crowd.

They all nodded a bit as a woman in her late thirties took the mic. “Hi, my name is Emily Lee.” she announced. “I’m the daycare provider and the nursery and preschool advisor, and I have yet to get an email about Judith. Will she be attending our class? If you do not feel comfortable you can privately speak with me, sir,” she said to Negan with a small smile.

Negan leaned against the railing and smiled down at Emily Lee, nodding. “Yes, I’ve been meaning to email you. I’ve been a bit busy as of late, taking these two to the doctor and getting them settled in. Please expect something from me within the next week, and thank you for asking. I think Judith will make a lovely addition to your class. She is very bright for her age.” He smiled, thinking about the girl.

She smiled and thanked him before handing the mic to the person behind her, going back to her seat happily.

The next person up was a tall man with a long scar across his cheek, visible even to Negan so far above. He had to bend down slightly to speak into the mic. “Hello. My name is Henry. I used to work for Rick,” he said. An icy feeling passed through the room. “I just wanted to know what you did to him?” he asked softly, licking his lips nervously. “Did you kill him?”

Negan shook his head, looking directly at Henry. “No. He’s alive and in permanent containment.”

“Why?”

Negan glanced at Carl and then back to Henry. “Because I’d rather him rot in a cell and think about all the cruel things he’s done than give him the satisfaction of ending his pathetic life.”

Suddenly a young girl in the back, Amy, yelled. “Skin him!” It was as if those words lit a switch in everyone because half of the room instantly roared in approval, yelling over each other and cheering on with the idea of killing their torturer.

Carl’s eyes widened. Holy shit he hadn’t expected this.

Negan growled and threw his hands up. “Hey! Settle the fuck down!” he barked, his voice booming through the room. He was not messing around and his people knew it. A few tried calming down Rick’s people next to them. “Get a hold of yourselves! This will not become a lynch mob! I’m a victim of Rick’s just as much as you are, but I refuse to become a monster like him and you people should too!” Negan gripped onto the railing, scanning over the crowd, his face hard set. Amy suddenly looked ashamed for getting everyone riled up.

Carl watched, amazed, as a wave of silence washed through the room in response to Negan’s voice. It was crazy. He looked up at the man, waiting for what was next.

Negan took a deep breath as he looked over the crowd for a moment, letting them wait in anticipation. “Alright, now,” he said, voice hard but not sharp. “I understand where y’all are coming from. We don’t need to swap our horror stories for me to feel the pain that Rick has caused you, nor for you to feel mine.” He put his hand over his heart. A few of Negan’s people in the crowd bowed their heads.

“I know you want him to suffer for his crimes, but we don’t need more violence to make him pay. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, you know, and Carl has already given one of his, so we don’t need anymore.” Negan looked and gestured over to the teen. He gave him a slight smile before looking back to the crowd.

“You know how we really stick it to that prick?” He licked his lip and smirked, pausing for a second. “We survive. We move on. We succeed. We show him that he did not break us.” He pointed to the crowd to emphasize his words. “Rick  _ wants _ a reaction out of us. He wants our anger and our hate. He wants to hear us beg. But you know what that makes him? A fucking schoolyard bully pulling on our pigtails. He just wants attention, and we’re not going to let him have it, are we?”

There were a couple “no”s from the crowd.

“Are we?!”

A louder chorus of “No!” answered.

“That’s fucking right! All that bastard wants is for us to think about him and give him the time of day, but he gets to sit for the rest of his life given nothing but the silent treatment. He doesn’t deserve our attention. He doesn’t deserve our energy. He’s already taken so much from us, and he’s not getting any more!” A cheer rang out from the crowd. “He will suffer,” Negan chuckled. “Oh, he will suffer. But not by our hands, no. By the absence of them.”

Negan looked back down at the man who still stood at the microphone. The man now looking up at Negan with reverence in his eyes. “So, to go back to your question. Why did I not kill him? Why am I not ever going to kill him?” He paused, taking a breath. The crowd seemed to lean forward, hanging on his words. “Because I don’t believe in giving mercy to monsters.”

“Yeah!” the crowd roared, their energy was vibrating the room, shaking it with their power.

...

Little did they know that someone was sending another email, this one containing a video, but the picture attached to the file was just black. The video was 38 minutes and 24 seconds long, and it’d been sent to Negan’s texts, work email, and personal account.

...

Carl looked around, at Negan and the crowd. “I guess,” he said, looking at them all with a small smile and a sigh.

Negan grinned and laughed, reaching out to pat Carl on the back as the people cheered below him. “Aww, kid,” he said. “You gotta give people something to live for.” He shrugged and turned back to the crowd, holding his hands up to silence them.

“Alright, alright. Let’s bring this meeting to a close, yeah?” he said before letting out his signature two-tone whistle. He received his own whistle back from the crowd in perfect harmony. “Who are you?”

“We are Negan!” his people replied, clapping and cheering a bit.

“Damn right,” Negan said, quiet enough for only Carl to hear. He licked his bottom lip and leaned his elbows against the railing. “You’re all dismissed. Have a good night, alright?” Many murmurs were said but a lot said ‘you too’ to Negan.

Carl liked that Negan had this power but saying they were all Negan felt weird like they lost their identity in it. Carl waited for most of the people to leave before going up to Negan, holding his hand tightly. “Time we go upstairs?” he asked smiling a bit. “I just wanna cuddle and watch TV.”

Negan nodded and led the way back down the flights of stairs holding tight to Carl’s hand. “We can surely do that.”

When they got to the landing a few people were still making their way through the exit. They waved and Negan waved back. He waited till everyone was gone, most taking the stairs, before tugging Carl along to wait for the elevator. “Well, that went good, right?”

Carl nodded happily. “Yeah, I liked it. I liked it when everyone kneeled and they all listened,” he said smiling. “Now let’s go,” he said, hopping into the elevator.

Negan chuckled and followed Carl onto the elevator, pressing the button for his floor. “Yeah, it is pretty cool, huh?” The doors closed and Negan felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out, thinking it was just a quick text from someone, but when his eyes caught the words in the notification he frowned.  _ You want this to happen again? Because it can _ , it read.

Unlocking his phone, he looked at the video file and at the words in the text. All from an unknown number. He closed his texts and checked his emails. It was there too. He hummed. “Carl, I’m about to play a video that I’ve received from an unknown person. I don’t know what it’s going to be, but I don’t think it’s going to be good,” he warned the teen before pressing play.

As soon the video started, Carl covered his ears nervously, averting his eyes. He felt sick instantly.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone wants Carl...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for the beginning of this chapter. Everything in italics is the video that was sent to Negan and it's not very nice at the end. :x

_ On the screen was Carl. A younger Carl, about fourteen. He was on the floor and had just begun to wake up. It took a bit for him to wake up, seemingly coming out of a haze, but when he finally gained consciousness he scrambled around the warehouse-like cement room with only a high window letting in light. _

_ Carl soon found a cement brick, gripping it tight and keeping it close. A door opened a moment later, a group of men entering. Using his brick, Carl lept and attacked the men coming in, but they were easily able to overpower the teenager. Carl was punched so hard he fell onto his back before he was grabbed by his hair and pulled to a toilet in the middle of the room. _

_ “You’re gonna learn pretty fucking fast, boy, that we do not take your crazy bullshit!” One man yelled as he continued holding Carl’s head underwater. _

_ Within moments, Carl was thrown onto the floor in view of the camera, sopping wet and gasping for air. Next, his pants were ripped off and someone grabbed a factory broom, shoving it up inside him. _

Carl started yelling over the Carl on the video. “Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off!” he screamed bloody murder at Negan.

Negan felt sick watching the video, his stomach threatening to empty. He covered his mouth as Carl was being held under the water, tears springing to his eyes. Oh god, who had sent this?

He quickly closed out of the video as soon as Carl started yelling, turning his phone off and dropping it to the elevator floor without a care for its safety. He turned to Carl and pulled him into his arms, holding him against his body right. “Shh, shh, shh.” Negan shook as he held onto Carl, unaware if he was holding Carl to comfort the teen or to comfort himself. 

“Don’t touch me!” Carl yelled, crying. He felt gross and dirty and wrong.  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck. _ He didn’t think they’d filmed that. He never saw a camera, they never told him they were filming.

Negan let go of Carl when he yelled, but he didn’t go far.

“Negan I know the Claimers. I could go and get them. I could tell them where it is again,” a new text message on Negan’s phone read. “I don't want to do that but you’re forcing my hand. You’re making me by flaunting the little toy around this place.”

Carl continued crying. He could feel the burn again. He could feel the blood running down his legs. He could feel the empty feeling again.

Negan could see his phone lighting up with more texts, but he ignored it for now. “Carl, please. It’s okay. That’s not going to happen again. You’re safe here. You’re safe with me.” His hands hovered around Carl.

Carl cried, shaking. “No! You don’t get it! You don’t fucking get it!” He sobbed. “I feel gross and dirty and-,” He retched and threw up all the food he’d eaten earlier. “That- That was the Claimers. Who the fuck got that video?!”

Oh god. Negan wrinkled his nose at the smell of vomit, glad Carl had his hair tied up. “I don’t know, Carl. I don’t know.” He grabbed his phone just as the elevator doors opened, sending a quick text to maintenance about the mess before sending the email and text info, the video file, anything he had on the person sending them to his IT department and telling them to find out where this was coming from STAT. “Come on, Carl. You’re alright. I’m going to figure this out,” Negan said, ushering Carl out of the elevator.

Carl followed him, shaking. He felt filthy. “Do you think I’m gross?” he asked, shaking. He could feel the broom inside of him again. Pushing in his guts until he could swear he was dying. “You think I’m disgusting?”

Negan quickly turned and wrapped Carl in his arms again, needing to show Carl that he wanted to touch him. “No, no, no. Of course I don’t. Why would I think that, Carl? That’s ridiculous.” He kissed his cheek and his temple, before holding Carl tight against him. “You’re not gross, Carl. No, no. Shh.”

“I feel so gross and my stomach hurts.” He sniffled into Negan’s neck. “I feel so nasty,” he said pushing himself against Negan’s body.

“I’m sorry, babe. I’m so sorry.” Negan just held Carl, rubbing his hand up and down Carl’s back. He didn’t know how to help. Didn’t know how to make Carl feel better. He kissed the side of Carl’s head a couple of times. “You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re not gross, you’re not dirty. I love you, Carl. I love you so much.”

“Thank you Negan...” He sniffled, cuddling against Negan's body. “I love you.” He hugged Negan tightly as his eye slowly dried up from his tears.

Negan held Carl for a moment longer, just breathing with him and feeling him beneath his hands and against his chest. He’d find out who sent the video. He already had a couple of suspicions. A brief thought passed through his mind of asking Tate to help with it. He had broken through Negan’s security after all, it wasn’t unlikely that he could also trace a video file. The last time Negan had seen the other was at the hospital though. He hoped the girl had gotten the help she needed.

He kissed Carl’s cheek. “Babe, you wanna go to bed? Couch? You want something to drink?”

“Couch. Water. I wanna sit with you,” he said with a small frown. “I’m sorry I yelled at you...” He sniffled a little as they walked into the living room. He felt so tired and just done. He was done trying so fucking hard.

Negan helped Carl to the couch, shushing him. “It’s alright. You’re fine.” He got a blanket from under the coffee table and threw it over Carl, petting his head before going back to get a glass of water from the bar. He came back quickly, handing the water to Carl and sitting next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close.

“Can you... can you pet my head please?” Carl asked, sipping water before putting it down on the table. He rested back against Negan, sighing softly. He was so tired.

Negan kissed Carl’s head before tugging his long hair out of his messy bun. Negan pet Carl’s head, trailing his hand down the soft hair. He hummed a soft tune against Carl while he comforted the teen. Within a few minutes, Carl had shut his eyes and he was out cold, sleeping soundly and safely in Negan’s lap.

Negan held Carl for a few minutes after he’d fallen asleep. He could feel the bulletproof vest still on the teen, and he wanted to get it off so Carl would be more comfortable. He moved slowly, but got his arms around Carl’s waist and under his knees, hoisting him up gently and bringing him to his bed, laying him down.

Carl let out a small whimper as he was lifted up into Negan’s arms. He rested his head on Negan's chest before he was up on the bed. “Mmm.” Carl curled up with his head on the pillow.

Negan smiled as he gently pulled on Carl to uncurl him. “Come here, babe. Let me get that vest off you,” Negan said lightly, sitting down next Carl and tugging him into a sitting position, resting the teen’s head on his shoulder while he worked his plaid shirt off. 

Carl whimpered. “I just wanna be cuddled.” He sniffled with a teary eye. He was so emotionally tired he couldn’t physically fight back, so he just let Negan take off his shirts to get to the vest.

“I know, I know. Believe me, it’ll feel better with it off,” Negan said as he quickly undressed Carl, unzipping the vest and tossing it to the floor. He slipped the T-shirt back on over Carl’s head. “There. Alright, lay on down.” Negan kicked off his own shoes and then took Carl’s off, tossing them next to each other. He moved over Carl, laying down next to him and pulling him close.

Carl cuddled into Negan's side tiredly as he thought. “Maybe we could give all the families kittens...” he whispered to Negan sleepily.

Negan laughed, petting Carl’s hair again. “That would be a lot of cats. I’m not sure it’s in the budget,” he whispered playfully. “But, I’ll think about it.”

“Well I’m doing it,” he whispered, cuddling closer. “I think they’d all like it.” He sniffled.

‘ _ It looks cute curled up to you _ ,’ came another text. ‘ _ I wish I could be there to touch its hair _ .’

“What if someone is allergic to cats?” Negan asked softly. His phone vibrated in his pocket. He gritted his teeth as he took it out, hoping it was from his people and not the anon. His blood ran cold as he read the words on the screen.  _ How the FUCK?!  _ He had cameras in his room of course for security measures, but they were blocked by his topmost firewalls. Who was this guy?

Negan gripped Carl closer to him as he finally replied to the messages. ‘ _ What do you want? Why are you doing this? _ ’

‘ _ Shh, it’s okay. I just like watching for now. I wonder what it smells like, is it flowers? _ ’ 

Carl whined when Negan moved a bit but quickly settled into his new position closer to Negan's body. 

‘ _ It has to be punished Negan. We both know there are many others that can replace it easily, so how about we do a trade maybe? _ ’

Negan shivered at the texts and, almost without his control, tilted his head to bury his nose into Carl’s hair and smell it.  _ Strawberry. _ ‘ _ If he’s so easily replaceable then why do you want  _ him _? Why not just leave us be and go find another plaything? _ ’

‘ _ Because I want Bambi. I heard it crying the other day in your room. The way it was sobbing, it looked so beautiful. I love its mind and the way things go. It’s like a broken little fawn. You like the idea of what it can bring you. Happiness, love, fulfillment. I love it for its past. _ ’

Negan closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. He was trying so hard not to tell this fucker to jog on. Negan didn’t want to make him mad, not knowing what he was capable of. He laid his phone face down on the bed and nuzzled his forehead into Carl. “Babe? Are you awake? Can I ask you a question?” he whispered into Carl’s ear.

Carl whimpered trying to burrow down more into Negan’s chest. “Mmmm.” He whined out a small growl at Negan for disturbing him.

“Carl, please. I don’t mean to disturb you but I need to know…” Negan licked his bottom lip as he took in another deep breath. He kept his voice soft and smooth, too quiet for anyone but Carl to hear. “Your dad… he called you Bambi. Did… who else called you that?”

“No one?” Carl whimpered. “Only daddy.”

‘ _ Oh yeah, he could call me daddy _ ,’ Anon texted.

“You mean Rick when you say that right?” Negan asked after reading the next text, raising his arm up like he was petting Carl’s hair but he was obscuring his and Carl’s mouths. “Are you sure there is no one else?”

Carl nodded. “Yeah, why? I mean I called you daddy? Why?” he whimpered. 

‘ _ Where there are whispers, there are lies. Where there is molasses, there are flies _ ,’ Anon texted.

Negan’s brows furrowed at his phone but he didn’t move his hand. “Because the fucker that sent that video just referred to you as Bambi, and I’m ninety-nine percent sure it’s not your dad texting me.”

Carl whimpered and squirmed closer to Negan. “I don’t know....maybe he knows my dad or, maybe he heard him say it?”

Negan sighed. He wanted to interrogate Carl. Ask him all the possible people it could be. Who was close to Rick? Who would have been around him when he called Carl Bambi? Who was Carl owned by before? But, he couldn’t. Not now. “Alright. Shh. Go back to sleep.” He carded his fingers through Carl’s hair and looked back at his phone. He sighed.

Carl sniffled and cuddled closer into Negan, breathing in his scent happily as he slept.

Negan opened up a new text message. ‘ _ Hey, someone’s hacked into my high-level security cameras and is threatening Carl. Think you can help me out? _ ’ He paused for only a moment before sending it to Tate.

 ‘ _ Sure, but I need like twenty more guys _ ,’ Tate texted back. ‘ _ What’s your IP address? _ ’

‘ _ Deal. I’ll send them tomorrow _ ,’ Negan replied. He checked his phone settings for his IP and sent that to Tate as well. ‘ _ Thank you _ .’

Twenty minutes later Tate texted back. ‘ _ The IP address for the computer sending the message is 1456829032. It’s a computer you bought. The person works for you in the tech department _ ,” Tate texted.

_ Jesus Christ. _ Negan rubbed at the bridge of his nose. ‘ _ Can you tell me who it is specifically? And… don’t do it yet, but can you shut him down? Kick him out? _ ’

_ ‘I can wipe his drive but no I can’t tell who it is. All I can tell is he works in security.’ _

_ ‘Alright. Give me one minute, don’t go anywhere.’ _

Negan quickly opened a new text message. ‘ _ Simon, where are you? There’s a situation. _ ’

‘ _ I’m with Arat, sir. What is it? _ ’

Negan quickly summed up what was going on, before asking if Simon was able to go to the IT room. ‘ _ I need you to be my eyes. I’m going to shut the guy down and I need to know who it is.’ _

_ ‘Will do boss.’ _

_ ‘Text me when you’re there. Act like you’re getting your chip checked out. Stand where you can see most of the people’s screens. Focus on the men in the room but don’t rule out the women.’ _

Negan sighed and put his phone down as he waited for Simon to get into position. He kissed the sleeping Carl softly on the head, wrapping his foot around Carl’s ankles to pull him closer. He felt like if he could just get Carl as close to him as possible he could keep him safe from everything. Carl let out another little whine while he was pulled closer to Negan, his cold legs intertwining with Negan’s.

Soon Simon got to his position and looked around at their eleven members of staff.  _ ‘I’m here, boss _ .’

Negan saw the notification from Simon but he didn’t move. He waited a moment, letting Simon get a look around and get settled, just in case he was still being watched. He didn’t want the watcher to put two and two together that Negan was texting Simon.

He eventually just casually looked at his phone, and typed slowly, _ ‘I doubt it, but do any of the computers show a camera feed of my room? Carl and I in bed together?’ _

_ ‘No just a bunch of grown-ass men looking at numbered sheets. It’s weird up here Negan.’ _

Negan mentally rolled his eyes at Simon’s comment about the tech people. Looking at numbers  _ is _ what they’re getting paid to do.

After a minute Simon texted back. ‘ _ I think I got him. He’s looking at his phone and texting you. Are you guys texting? _ ’ he asked.

‘ _ He was texting me. I haven’t gotten a message in a little while. I’ll tell you if he does.’ _

_ ‘Okay.’ _

Negan flipped back to his convo with Tate, a sudden idea coming to him. ‘ _ Would you be able to access the webcam on the computer he’s using and take a picture of him? _ ’

‘ _ Sure _ ,’ Tate texted and in seconds he was sent back pictures of a blonde man around Negan’s age, lean and a bit rough looking. ‘ _ Here you go? Can we have a meeting tomorrow? _ ’ Tate asked.

Negan stared at the picture. That was so easy. He didn’t automatically recognize the man, but he looked familiar. He sent the photo to Simon. ‘ _ This is the guy! Do u see him? _ ’

‘ _ Yeah I see him, should I grab him _ ?’ Simon asked.

‘ _ No, I want you to call for backup. Do NOT attempt to grab him by yourself! You have five minutes before his computer gets remotely wiped. I want to know his reaction to this. Get backup, grab him, incapacitate him, and lock him up downstairs. Do NOT put him anywhere near Rick. Am I clear? _ ’ Negan sent to Simon. He was almost shaking, wishing he could be there to grab the man himself and not just conduct the operation through texts.

‘ _ Yes. I understand, sir _ ,’ he said quickly, calling for backup.

He switched back to Tate’s conversation and replied, ‘ _ Thank you! Just one last thing. In about five minutes wipe the fuck out of his computer for me and we can meet whenever wherever you want.’ _

_ ‘Okay, I wanna go to the bubble tea shop in Korea town on Blue Street at 9.30 am _ 🤫,’ Tate texted.

Negan squinted at the emoji. Did that mean not to tell anyone? ‘ _ That sounds fine. Can I bring Carl? _ ’ Negan thought that’d be quite the fun experience for Carl to have, bubble tea and all that, but also he knew that Tate and Carl knew each other somehow and he wanted to know more.

‘ _ Sure if you think he is ready. We’ll be talking business and other stuff though. Maybe get snacks. They have a sick beef pocket there. _ ’

‘ _ I honestly just want to get him out of this place for a bit, and I think he’d enjoy the sights of Korea town. Plus, he’ll start asking questions if I try to leave without him. It’s just easier for me if I can bring him _ .’ Negan knew Carl would eventually understand if he told him no, but he could already imagine the begging Carl would put on in order to go with Negan. 

Simon soon assembled a team of five out in the hallway, waiting for Simon’s cue. Simon watched the man look at his computer strangely when the screen when black and his drive was wiped. He unplugged and plugged it back in and messed with a few wires before getting up and heading to the door. Simon gave the cue and two men pushed the blonde into the wall and cuffed him. The man screamed, “Hey! Hey! What is this about! Ow, that’s my shoulder!” 

‘ _ All done! _ 😁’ Tate texted.

Negan let out a breath and sent Tate more ‘thank you’s and ‘see you soon’s. He looked away from his phone, nuzzling into Carl for a moment and breathing. He couldn’t fully relax yet though. He had faith that Simon would apprehend the man well enough, but he kept his phone in his hand eagerly waiting for his message.

They took the man down and put him in a cell, eight down from Rick. Simon messaged him with the details.

Carl cuddled into Negan, whining more. “Stop it,” Carl groaned. He was being woken up by Negan’s stress.

Negan laughed silently at Carl’s whine, kissing his cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m almost done here.” He pet Carl’s hair as he read Simon’s text.

‘ _ Bring me his phone and other personal effects. Just drop them off in my living room. Thank you, Simon. Thank you very much _ .’ With that Negan set his phone down and wrapped his arms around Carl, finally relaxing.

Carl cuddled into Negan sniffling. “Can we watch cartoons in bed? Until I fall asleep again?” he asked, looking up at Negan with a small pout and a pleading, puppy-dog eye. “My tummy is hurting again, like from before.” He sniffled a bit. He felt a bit ill, but it wasn’t anything serious.

Negan leaned his head down and kissed Carl’s pouty lips, gently massaging Carl’s stomach where he could reach. “Let me get you some ginger ale and then we can, ok?”

“And popcorn?” Carl asked, looking up at him with a small smile. This man was really just too good to him. Carl purred a little as his tummy was rubbed and he cuddled into Negan's neck.

Negan laughed. “Alright, and popcorn.” He placed a few kisses along Carl’s neck to his cheek, pulling back to kiss his lips again. “You’re lucky I’m an avid movie watcher who’s always prepared to veg out on my bed,” he said playfully, untangling himself from the teen to slide off the side of his bed opposite to the door.

A mini-fridge acted as the bedside table on this side. Negan opened it and grabbed a can of ginger ale, rolling it towards Carl on the bed before going over to what looked like a closet, but sliding the door back revealed a fucking mini snack bar with a microwave. He grabbed a bag of popcorn, opening the plastic and placing the bag into the microwave, setting the timer and standing back.

Carl smiled excitedly. “You’re seriously the coolest person I’ve ever met!” he giggled sitting up as he opened the can of soda and sipping at it. Negan was so awesome. God- he was just so fucking cool.

Negan laughed, a full belly laugh, shaking his head. “I’m just a rich dork,” he said, snorting. The popcorn began popping and he turned to watch the bag spin in the microwave.

 “What do you wanna watch tonight? We always watch what I wanna watch.” Carl smiled a bit, taking another sip before undoing his bandage.

 “I don’t care what we watch. Are you in the mood for cartoons or a movie? Comedy? Romance? Horror?” Maybe not horror, Negan had as an afterthought, remembering that Carl still had trouble differing fiction from reality with movies.

The popping slowed down so Negan stopped the microwave and pulled a bowl out from the lower shelf, carefully opening the hot bag and dumping it in. He turned to head back to the bed, watching Carl take off his eye bandage. Negan couldn’t help the wave of emotion that washed over him at the simple action, a smile lighting up his face.

“I don’t know. Maybe cartoons, I still like those,” Carl said. It was so much easier to not have to always put his mind into fiction mode when the people on the screen weren’t real people. He didn’t care about the genre of the cartoon itself as long as it wasn’t for toddlers. If he had to watch one more PBS show he was gonna scream since, of course, that’s all Judith watched.

Negan hummed as he sat down on his bed, grabbing the remote and leaning against his pillows against the headboard. He pulled Carl closer to him as he turned the TV on and started flipping through Netflix. “You want a cartoon show, or cartoon movie?” he asked.

“Show.” Carl smiled, watching Negan click through the shows before grabbing his hand. “What’s this?” he asked. On the screen was a screencap for Family Guy.

Negan hummed and made an unapproving face. “It’s an adult cartoon, but I don’t care for it. The jokes are crude and not funny,” Negan explained, scrolling past it. He knew no cartoon would be… educational but he wanted Carl to consume good content. He kept going till he landed on Gravity Falls. “How ‘bout this? It’s got kids trying to solve the mysteries of their weird town and is pretty funny.”

Carl sat up and smiled, nodding a bit. “Okay. I like that. Let’s watch.” He sipped on his soda happily, humming to himself as he cuddled up into Negan’s side. “I love you.”

Negan smiled and leaned down to kiss Carl’s temple. “I love you too,” he said softly, playing the show and dimming the lights. He wrapped one arm around Carl’s waist, putting the popcorn bowl between them and eating from it with his other hand.

By episode three, Carl was out cold again and Simon had been patiently waiting in the living room with all of the captured man’s belongings for a few minutes. Negan had heard the elevator bell ding when Simon arrived, but when he didn’t hear it again he wondered if Simon was waiting for him. Carl was passed out on Negan, and he didn’t want to leave him. Negan reached carefully for his phone still on the bed and texted Simon to either leave the stuff on the coffee table or come quietly to his room and give it to Negan.

Simon decided to leave, not really wanting to take the chance that he might wake Carl up. He took some old beer nuts left out on the bar and popped them in his mouth before leaving.

Negan listened to Simon leave before setting the popcorn aside, turning down the TV, and repositioning Carl so that the two of them were laying down. He hooked his leg over Carl’s again and relaxed into Carl’s warmth. Sleepily, Carl cuddled into Negan and slept right through the night soundly with no interruptions. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me or Matt on tumblr! I'm [Ranebowstitches](https://ranebowstitches.tumblr.com/) and he's [Matthew-the-neko-boy](https://matthew-the-neko-boy.tumblr.com/). We love to chat :3
> 
> Edit: Matt is now [just-another-nb-college-kid](https://just-another-nb-college-kid.tumblr.com/) !


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